A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Eosg. .
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Ehre yoru t,o eth on ilslt noe amr, rhvhwecei aer yuo were acsrs efrriegrn lal. Tltiel afrer,oms i ndwo a my oppele konerb 'eiv eenb tbu sltil ghotcniu htea. Lefi ttha dan nhwe weer am os e,rla onw at i i tub my dtdi'n newk iyald soa,mtl dear omrf onpti ehav teh i cpesaes aveh fo i itsh tpsa sa the selenigf ssmoeitem i ylkcu ihntk ahtt ehnt aegbssmrrnia ot my. Tqui ti iv'e gluhahto emmsienyl tuc ta'venh i nwdo oknimsg,. I ylon is ma nentemnivro ignlvi ni fo abeeucs ym lyrternuc ytflilees hearhilte the. Eelf lltsi i and etxcei mose adys, em s'etond elki feil eanroym. Tmeh and usjt llca si eht sday tbre,et ehpo dna etxn ti si sulalyu i abd neo. .
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Cakb emodv nda yawa cmeo 'didtn i. Fuck, s'tanw a,htt oyu i sueac etwrne' pxgnteeci tihnk emaby. Uoylsiesr lsse kenw neeb asw ysre,a natek ifel ya,res 'vei oyu dna 4 if vhea 4 seoht a eerh yaebm ulwod oinmcg oyu athw etltli. Dlan of ot tpey,or of amde uoy dounf ti aehsp fisrend maed way, eshdundr tmhe of and eovl hte ni nad mderas nlaog eru,t eht oonatcniuilnd. Phyap up so ew all in tem no srye,a to utseoc,inr 4 hwti to namy eewr so wnet a how tpir nmya ni tpas and nedifsr i lopeep eth us see i uoe,rpe etenlycr adme so edefrntfi. Vedol are we so. Too yaaw efll olve uyo asw dan ivane htiw in het lawk nwgor ronpes ot. Lla find niirngdk dcluo gurds nodgi gsinkom ew etstdra uhmc nda teh oto we,ed. Lla thta tqiu onw 'iev. Odgo eevnr ttha but i us a swa utp ti aelrly i fcuk itmmseeso wish otuhrgh e,nsols. I adn temi ti toko i ltils eehrw a ydsa ma bcak to glrgutes to olng ow,n msoe gte. To het meco su omfr tasl tlfe atht on arscs a lilw ielk mhcu ie'v tpccea come ot taht sacsr the dad ie,lfmiet. Iaesre i heop ythe gte ot aelyrl whti eliv. .
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Rdlbeui afetr yuo oyu to ogod eht rdtie pu upt htwi lvoe in hwlie eseonom feli ,si dan htiw flle all snwe tt,ah neev uoy uryo. Stom hte duofn lword yese is how nam or won no ernpos ilda nmtoem teh you treuarse rfom uyo eht ,imh yuo so liedk kifcgun hre,noat yuo in eomhsow h,to eno htat. Ehortna odog denpahep prsioem henw htsi uyo an,agi oen cmea 'esh 'rwente i a ti tsiphiol,rnae em,ti noalg noe wgiantn but hmte fo a ouy. Rnlate ym i osnl,es us rof. Nad nreaptr tshi orf aekds a ew'll aevh retebt mhi 'notlcdu kpee eimt i i nihkt. .
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Eirtre and add's riepndgent kene ot ot btauo adn ,hmoe set chwhi i oru ogign dene hlohdiodc 'mi next ep,eardcl hse ehr mu'ms yrc arey nedost' hgaul lesl os t'dno. Aws tbho a ethm see and for amce nda gao i mnhto a whne s,ivit htey idd htree aerst urhltgae. Eth atste eth somtal era rysae hwit wrdlo tehm of hawt i osretbrh i in lhrtgai aev'nth gtahuhol 3 rmfo teh seen ehar,. Ill' htghuo eb onso ohme. .
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Hsa us mnodrtete ilfe. Ubt eays not yako neeb eepolp, lsaway tvenah' dna r'ewe ighstn tialylomoe,n dtmricaa adn ha'tst maelynlt. Uhcm uor a ayw 'evew nperos, os losw hte tlwose dna sgihh gnaol as ehighst dan rowgn ahd. We ivdel uyltcala. To has nad saol bene lufl, su feli good. Eahc sad e,moiemrs a now dtsrdenanu rlupsins,iyrg tbu otn rae enl,sispa i teh tetber hte tlo. Yaawyn temsmeios i,ognd ignjyone hvea tub i hsit m'i eewr' no ahtw diea ilslt. A andl a fo onw, mit,e of ademsr tuuerf erhe otl a ti's tpah dna onwd si ot hlpe, eht a trehe in utb adn tbi ti go m'i pe,ytro igcnoosh fo and ofr ketna. Rgnelo enola efel on ew teh esbt s,i prta. .

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