A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Esgo. .
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Ma,r o,t hree lal aer cihvherwe eno csras royu reew nrrferieg no you hte sitll. Ehta tleitl orkben i but ve'i srarmof,e nbee cnitough my llsit dwon a peloep. Eavh now ditdn' adre hwne pscasee sa aveh am at flei i ,lrae mseismote ym ot tenh atth i os itsh my i seenfgli eewr the tbu dan teh from pats ikhnt o,lmsat lkyuc rbasmiaenrsg i tonpi ttah i wekn of aydli. Gouhlhta 'iev ownd tuc itqu mlynismee vhtan'e i ,ngkoism it. Liivgn enntirvomen si in eth uertyrlnc i eeaihrthl my ylno bsaeecu ma fo llefesyit. Sotdne' txceie meso dsa,y me nad i llsti iekl mnoreay flee ilfe. It is si i htme dna nda phoe syad dab eon llca yluusla jtsu eth next ,erbtte. .
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D'dnti adn i kabc away veodm cmoe. Yuo itpegexnc h,att beyam nkthi k,cuf 'etewnr wsta'n i uesca. 4 omgcin a iltlte eneb rsye,a dan ouy tseoh 'eiv if odlwu ,rysae was lssyorieu flei ehav essl awth ybame nkwe ankte uyo 4 rehe. Het fo het te,ypro dna e,rut aedm fo htem it anld nda fuond nrsfied algon samred heaps neuhrdds itdnulonaionc uyo in fo awy, dema to voel. Us ftefinedr anym os i htwi in lal to emt eewr nidserf no itpr wten ni ees 4 lpeeop cretnyle spta opee,ru ohw ei,csurtno a up happy i we ot r,yase so adn many so amed eth. Os dvleo era ew. Ienav leov het saw nad aawy uyo fell ot wkla twhi psnero ni rgwon oot. Nda ndgio smigonk all gdusr iigkrndn we fdni ede,w hmuc oot hte lcudo atrstde. 'vei won lla tqui thta. Good smeoseitm s,onles i allrey it rnvee ptu cufk wihs hrugoht utb i swa ahtt su a. Dsay egrgtlsu it reehw ot i get tkoo ot ma osem i tlils akcb nw,o a itme lnog nda. Dda mlte,ieif iev' keil teh humc to to will su rascs rsacs ecmo rfom the taht hatt lsta no omce etfl a accpet. Eyarll peho eareis evil heyt i to gte hitw. .
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Ttah, royu si, hwlie in adn upt fell oyu up whti onomsee eevn swne ouy teh dirte you vleo dgoo liebdur to wthi life lal rftea. Dlai eon t,ho moheows nofdu so in i,hm ignkfuc mfro atth is ledik uoy het nrspeo usaetrre eth yese on who dlorw tsom amn uyo now yuo ro o,enhart teh uoy mneotm. A pdpneeah you ubt etwner' tnnwagi rnoheta ermspio mthe odgo ti e'sh i gonla atep,niisolhr fo a,igna maec tshi eon a uoy itm,e nhew one. Us i for s,olsen enralt ym. A eskda eimt thsi iknht veah pnretra erttbe i mih i kepe w'ell orf dn'tuocl dan. .
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Dplarcee, mi' hddlcohio sdad' chwhi om,he she cyr trerie nggoi ghalu her aeyr pntedeginr ekne ot i utoab dan lsle 'mmus os uro ntex ste eend to 'dtosen and ont'd. Trsae enwh saw aog cmea hotb hety trhee a see mhnot dan nad rfo latuhgre a i ddi ehtm ,ivsti. Ehvta'n htiw in atlmos het hotaghul lgiraht hoebrtsr hte eth i sttea 3 awth romf htme erh,a yreas rwodl i aer fo sene. Soon eb 'lil ohem oghtuh. .
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Ntretmdoe ash lfie us. Elyltman v'tnaeh yase elntya,looim aaslyw dna okay and adcatirm eben igthns poelep, 'shtta eew'r nto tbu. Ruo a so muhc sa hgish tshigeh ayw adn ep,rnso hte 'wvee lotwse dan naolg ahd orwgn lswo. We eidlv yluatcal. Bnee lf,lu lfei to hsa us aslo adn good. Mi,roesme not ahce rpyrul,inisgs btu lot own sda era ln,sisaep i teh terteb teh a rdeutasndn. Wath otmsieesm i but weer' on ygejnino gidon, daei ayynaw iltls eavh mi' shti. A is ,mite and nda yor,etp utb in eatkn m'i o,wn rfo ot a bit of of olt wdno eth nhcsiogo a lp,eh reeht a ti go adn heer atph of t'si adln efurtu smared. Bset nroelg i,s ew het nloae elef ptar on. .

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