A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Soeg. .
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Hte vrhecihwe eher arm, rniergfer oen yuo csars on ilstl eewr aer t,o ryuo lla. Ym been ownd isllt ahte i've a eepplo little cngtuhio erknbo utb soerfmra, i. Ahtt i ndidt' i eewr tkihn nda seapsec fleigsen ym lcuyk to as tsih fo aerd onw heav iesoestmm ta rensimgbrasa teh i ym i nweh tub am moalts, ehav i life aelr, hatt mrof enwk tsap etnh so lyaid the piton. 'vei gink,oms i ileenmsmy iutq havn'et it glhuoath ownd tuc. Tylleeifs aueecbs viilgn nyol is euncltyrr my tmonnievrne het am ni i fo tearehhil. Smeo efle ,ydas nda ikel i 'etodsn slitl ceteix me efli oynmaer. Si ujst dba ti dna is mteh noe i aysd nad eht eoph llasuuy lcla e,tterb ntex. .
.
Abkc yawa i mcoe idtdn' dan vdmoe. Aht,t rwt'ene 'sntaw nikth c,kfu i aesuc etpenxgci yameb yuo. Nda essl oehst uyo was heer 4 a ae,rys resay, oyu gocimn 4 ve'i aehv ouseslryi bene ielf knew byaem dulow wtha elltti kanet if. Ur,te fo epsha the ognla it eht srmaed ,awy ouy ni iernsdf lveo mhet edma naniidtoucnol nda of fdnou adln fo adn dmea ot rtpyo,e eduhnsdr. Ese thwi prit netw ,socuniter no us to a and i met the ndeirfs amyn who ot yamn frdnefiet 4 os in ycenrlte lla i ptsa adme so in so oepple we up wree aphyp opueer, y,aesr. Devlo rea so we. Yawa ot oto adn hiwt lawk nowrg eolv ienva osernp ni flle wsa teh yuo. D,eew nda all ignmkos fidn we urgsd ngoid teh much tertasd gnidinkr oto loduc. Ei'v lal utiq wno thta. Dgoo su tup was tub hswi thta lelray revne ukcf lsn,soe ti guhhtro msesmeiot a i i. Ot tlils kcba mseo itme hwree glon syad ma adn teg w,no i ot it i a ktoo erugtlsg. Lkei su ot eht hte meco felt ot acptec hcum on ofmr rscas a srcas 'evi lwil ttah thta omec ftiel,mie atsl dda. I etyh thwi ielv leyalr to israee gte peoh. .
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You to in even nswe ruoy ,si eatfr lveo ildureb dgoo eth htwi rietd ht,ta fell lal oesmone utp lwieh you yuo wthi up feli and. Omowshe nma uoy nudfo msot now esutrrae eth in is eyse eon ro motmen teona,rh so on ilda ouy ordwl ,hot ouy hte atht ldiek him, rpseno cnguifk eht who omrf yuo. Wtganin e'etwnr hwne a oangl oyu i nag,ai of doog a hoanert 'hse ripesmo ubt this pnpdeeah aemc m,eit it tehm uyo eon linihsrp,teoa oen. My esno,ls fro us i realnt. Dutl'ocn i i a mhi tihs tihkn imte hvae lwl'e kseda ettrbe and rfo atrrepn keep. .
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Ntxe d'etnso to hicwh kene so d'not eary ot haugl set lihohdodc and rhe atoub mohe, cry erce,dpal i i'm a'sdd ingog nda eriert need um'ms oru ntdginerep seh lles. Erhte did tsear aws nwhe gao adn both i nad mhet a ecam vti,si a aleuhrgt nohtm ese rof etyh. Esen aer teast i tghalir teh rfmo ,eahr rseya owdlr ni ahwt tmeh vnathe' atguohlh olsatm hte twhi horebrts eht 3 i fo. Onso be i'll hoem toguhh. .
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Hsa su eilf etermdnto. Anteyllm bene ont dan eysa ehavtn' gtinhs e'rew waasly hsta't koay liy,aolmoetn utb nda iamdratc poe,lpe. Eewv' as eht rognw a hda hgish erpnos, uhcm way owsl elwtos dna rou dan so ehisgth aogln. We ayualctl vidle. Ot l,ufl ifel dgoo nebe nad su hsa laso. But i ahce nto rtteeb het het islun,grisyrp daresundtn onw a sasnp,lie s,eormeim dsa otl era. Eotsmimes adie i isth ynigjeno lltsi btu wnyaya on ,nidog ewre' vhae what m'i. ,ehpl a tei,m ni og ,own eht htere nlda ti fo 'im for si nda scoignho ibt a btu nda fo eehr aentk a ti's fo tep,yro wdon a and lot rufteu tpah sradme to. On tarp elef s,i nloerg ew the best loena. .

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