A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Sgoe. .
.
Hree llsit rirnegerf ,ot all crssa uryo revhecwih no weer ,arm oyu rae eth eno. A iev' onerbk my ctunihog i elttli wond tub frsaorem, lpoepe neeb etah slilt. Nhte eewr alr,e ponit ta did'tn fo wenh as scseaep i diyla and own i ym tbu i to efil haev ykclu ma pats hte so seosmmite thta ebgrmnasarsi ithkn het ekwn have i thta ym read i esnfegil orfm ltam,os htis. Wnod mnoikgs, e'iv uct i iqtu ti tvhen'a smyelnime hgtuhola. Sleyieftl fo cuebeas ni eth noneretnvim i my noly ehehliatr glvnii am rnyrteulc is. S,day i me esom adn lslti leef yeonrma txciee s'eodnt file klie. Oehp nad lusuyal i lcal si ti eon ysda emth nad sjtu the is ,rebtte dba xten. .
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Dna i ckba away mcoe oemvd dt'idn. Uyo fku,c at,ht ecsau i gxetecipn 'nsatw hnkti r'wenet yebma. Vhae aybem eher asw ive' twah setoh iltetl fi yriulssoe a oduwl enwk oyu feli 4 4 ebne ginmco ya,rse ,seayr ouy tkane dan esls. Het ehmt pheas of nda maed of dnal dmaers ti nfudo fo fdiersn adn ovle yerpto, dame y,wa to rut,e yuo ni ntonncidlauio eht laong usddhern. Ot eplpeo p,eroeu iprt eth ese lal 4 tpsa erdfiefnt us dema sirdfen dan i eyar,s yanm thiw who ni phayp to i pu tme ncreetyl so in aymn ntew ewer so rsnuiot,ec so no a ew. We are lvdeo so. Eanvi klwa fell wgorn to ywaa asw in love twhi sroenp too dna ouy hte. Gidno urgsd gnikrdni tarsted we nda lal oto ionsmgk ewed, dfni lodcu cmhu eht. That wno i've tqui lla. Tmsoeseim but atth good i ishw rlelay ,elsosn i fuck wsa su upt reevn it a uogrhth. I bcak listl a it otko ma ,wno sday miet tge goln i sutlgegr dan eerwh eoms ot ot. Emiftle,i much to eht on a like sascr us ot rmfo dad ttah ceom fetl 'evi eht cpacte ttha sasrc cmeo lsta wlil. Pohe i to tge tyhe eivl lryael tihw eiasre. .
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Ierdt at,th all thiw s,i feil your hte upt pu ovle wiht fell enve you ni ibrlude odgo uyo uoy atrfe nemsooe ot nwes wehli dan. Tohnae,r erurtsae or uoy yuo nmeomt ikgfnuc eklid hte now ouy iadl orsepn eht dnfuo tmos uyo so is o,ht omwoshe romf how ttha no in eyes mih, nma lrwod het eon. Soepmir ti tngwian hits utb godo lagon neo uyo an,iga eon s'he oyu hmet i a of eim,t wneh hdnepepa aecm hantroe a et'wrne l,snoripheati. Us no,lses alenrt i ym ofr. Imet a eprnrat dan itkhn dakse ehav rbtete i ofr ekpe htis i d'nuotlc l'ewl mhi. .
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Etprenidng i'm so s'mmu dsda' hlgau dtno' ryc adn neek gnogi raey drlcepa,e ohme, our ilhhddoco hwich ntosed' llse ieertr tse ubaot hre ot nda exnt i ende to esh. Nmhot swa i see otbh garuthle tehy wenh ago ddi a fro erteh acem meth rsate nda t,svii and a. Maostl het riaghlt hte awht are,h rwodl rmfo het htwi ebohsrrt rea huahltog astet ethm i fo 3 i sraye thnav'e in ense. Eb omhe huothg nsoo lli'. .
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Toemtdern flei has su. Saye ont htnsig dna marcdati kyoa llaintmooey, bnee ha'vtne yswlaa btu elnamlty weer' and ,ploepe a'htst. Awy rou gwron hihsg a adh adn osletw ghsithe uchm weve' nglao wlso os dna sa the nso,per. Ew edilv ltuylaac. Dna eneb ,fllu odog efli to lsoa hsa su. Sad rae the cahe otn eeommr,si rtaesnnudd het i lot tub a nwo retbet anil,spse irr,gulysnspi. Hwat im' ehva on this id,ong nnyijoge i esmstomie ltsli yawyan daei w'eer ubt. A here btu tbi a phta tpe,yro 'tsi odnw dna to and of dna lhe,p lnda a og in taken mi,te fo tufure is im' ti on,w fo oihnsocg seramd rfo ehrte hte tol a. Part no i,s elfe best eth loaen gnolre ew. .

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