A letter from July 9th, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, How are you? Are you happy? Have you started testosterone? I don’t think you’ve gotten surgery but are you near it? Who are you with? Did Chloe hurt you or did you hurt her? Are you still together? I really hope you are but if not, I’m sorry to whoever you’re dating for bringing it up. I’m self conscious about a lot and I want to know what’s changed. My mouth, I don’t think that’ll change though. I’m short. I have small hands and feet. My eyebrows are thin. My thighs are too big. People like to pretend I’m a little child. Do people still think you’re stupid and need to be protected? Has your voice gotten any deeper? Do you still play the ukulele? I know this won’t mean much because I’m 15 and what do I know, but I really think you’re going to get through this if you haven’t already. I hope you haven’t hurt yourself. The last time should be February 2018. Does that sound like an old number? 2019 sounds fake to me. I wonder if I’ll even still have the same email. Or if I decided to go to college. I really want to become an actor but it’s really hard, are you doing good with that? Have you given up? What do you do? I really hope you’re ok and I wish you could write back to me. I love you. I wish I was there instead of here.

Epilogue

about 8 hours later

My whole life I’ve been quiet, I’ve always felt like my voice will never be heard. I don’t know who would care for me or have empathy without expecting something...

Tunrre in. Leysmf nhwe egt irfst? ot do i utp.
Tge dwatei efiv ot na ialem raeys ’eiv reidlzae usjt yelmfs fmor i. I enrswa thta to mikgna tuo cahe suer ldou iesqoutn cer,a adre iwth mlaei. Ypahp im in elif tbu opst mi a ni leanmt dba. Nutli hse oeocrbt 9120 ctnolud’ it dimta em tbu hrut i. Ofr nynoea have dt’on htose ayculalt em i sjeudg uatob hwo ceuirsntisie i crea utb hmet. .
Oot i oyu oelv.
Nwta gitegtn i lefe ot in’dtd to twan fslm,ye veol ckba smfely i ghu enth nad owsh aws rmotofc i i.
Ot ot deawtn nesohgimt lefi i so i eltf owafdrr oklo ecasbeu depprta ni.
My betert mi 1ts2 sti’ otayd cumh f,iel trabdhiy in gonid. Hsti wsa haolloc dt’no oging inta ilesp vene to i tbu drriweo smoe aws lrzeeiad tnkih eb i uyo. Ym suftf ehav tesb alnsp opusgr atromoe i i vhea n,iderf st’i i ardoff wtih i a can yase in jbo, ek,li i eth an neci infsdre i fuer,tu d,eorfem oshw’ won ym fo aehv aehv. I ofr dna i shti oedrwk hadr iths eeesrvd. Stih wkorde svredee dan ouy fro hist uoy adhr. Too erhe i siwh you wree. I this it ot nregyou gtieyrhevn khint laeim tnikh my buaot slfe, lnoag ikglnta itwh oatub i. I i qsouesitn youegrn ytr ym eth a edsak sfle vwdou’el ot adn ortcfmo i iquet lto iaeginm. Tub teg ady em os was hatt i pu i form lod to 51 is ryesa chaugt a of,f atth ’hwtsa dten rctied rnogebith mimcinocotaun em erve enhw ni thsi i. A grhti own ot anlitgk chldi mi. Soal nda reeh seesedvr hrda edrowk hcldi eh ttha it ot teg. Ot ihktn nad lsyeseitfl i eend rttas eantml my i teahlh iegtrtenb.

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fracturedfriends:

about 2 years ago

This is probably my favorite one I've ever read, I'm glad you are in better place. I hope you keep giving yourself message from past you. I know I look forward to each email past me sent.

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