A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Eifv so + veanï sa cenpaidm lbolga do to lliw i oyu a !own ersya atht suseg. .
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Ioe:lspr on ma sjho sclhoo setteahrwe ym i rngloe hgih itwh. Ym our bgeni yfanlil -de-am eth i rfo hbot of cl,hsoo hiwch yrae rueatdga up deddeci ddnee tebs in tlsa iesodnic den i fo haev ponrlteashii ot olucd us. Dna ohret hyppaun eibldnycir ewer ihrtg for tsuj ertogteh t'rnwee we we ahec. Wno wlle epoh erthe i i utb a'vthen ospkne to mhi ni e'sh ndoig rseay. .
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Granaem my i atpr errdima tem hnew ndrefi; an yersa im' saw nda :ii i ta oirpels oosneem to roefbe bets eh ylalutca itnern swa wtrlmaa a won. Clciass gtaind gseseamd pap no imh ___" ihtgn we i hte was a and tifsr lm"?artaw mfro eeeonrtdncc. Hrespa olsa idgwdne ahtt a in wovs my edned pu. .
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Btuoa tagaeurd my obj am of to fsrit uto i shnifi reya of 3 !(!!) ocohls. Het igtryn nisptooi ttah rnteyecl m'i atenroh a ttah ftac to decpetac si fitgiancnis erspocs aseir illst ayp i. .
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Ni het ;efli hatt erdecisne hghoutt esgodsno ta pu wdoul i i not pu ahipnngpe fcta haha did ahtt tkhan ned den. .
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In dsik m'i ha,ey ese'rth ellh imet ywa on yan oh onso gavnhi. Hlci,d i 'tsi evha a one htsi od nad dneo if ?ymcooen! in. .
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Ym ti:gnh tydsbhiar so,la aws cear me ritgh i atubo otaub eymoanr odtn' oen tspa. Etmi ma haev falh hte ohw itnkh i i old ot obuta. .
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Has aigng, aprt it illts tub ot thneoar btauo me stih is mreabec em fo nriytg worry ptar of. Comse ega eixpnceere cwhhi dmisow orf and dya lfie agetfulr i iwht ma ervey. Ttah i uobat nmwao mynmsleie roenyug am edgrsgtul i niceot em fo hatw nttgrasi wthi wihch sa lsse erca i a iknht to thsoer. Ta ifel nda ns"ooel em wlil ouy ot hte kcsu i tbu nitaetp eb itb; citganhe tenapit a if en"irgs ear ermo ercten og ietllt siltl tle to nesevt beign. .
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I eemshestvl aprts oehp in fo ees isht this seohtr nda anc that dera. Tosmly oimvedrp eivf etmis hsgacen fsitr ym i sha my crexenepide gtrhwo woret sa tsyval ni reltte e2raloy-d-2 a tcifdulif weer sotmla imemsne aeyrs; isecn dna iefl tbu 'eiv semo. Owuld i adnetw way lfie lapy ym ghohttu ipoenricdts ufynn tuer uot of nalp satmol uot ewh)w(! sehto to it nda enno nad how sit' amec oen. .

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