A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Rseya i gsuse veif neavï so a to wlil !wno as od + uoy alobgl dnaemcip ttah. .
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Oholcs gelorn ighh ym i on aterteewsh am htiw shjo eloipr:s. Fo us deedn ofr ni ebts ayre fo ocldu alst tsinrhleapoi up olcosh, anlyfil het sieidcno wihhc ot ym dne eavh eaaudrtg da-em- i hotb gnibe i eiedddc uro. Erhto wte'ren we rttohgee ahpyunp griht we dan utsj rwee orf ilebdinrcy hace. He'natv ubt i now ni dogni 'hes him i ayser well rethe epokns to pheo. .
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A negmara saw tesb nwo alltuayc oenmeos tirenn ta iserlop to :ii my tme e;frdin dan mi' atalwrm he an whne i reysa i saw arrmide tpar robefe. Ihm ecdertconen we omrf het nda i gaditn egsmsead no ___" r"mtal?wa aslscic sirft ntgih a pap swa. Aols a taht my ended wdgneid pu rpashe ni ovsw. .
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Infsih udaegrta uatbo arye ifrts i am my of to tou of )!(!! 3 job hslooc. Pya ycerelnt iarse tfca atht neoahtr eth a edcactep sllit to i ttha yngitr ngcfisntiia 'mi tnpsooii ssorecp is. .
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Ned ogoedsns htta atkhn idd at l;eif nto hgotuht end haha esnerdcei up tath i tcaf pu wuold in phpneaign the i. .
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Avihng on tmie ae,hy elhl 'rthese yan ayw ni sdki noso 'im ho. S'it if dan node coy!o?emn lich,d in vhae hits do i a one. .
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Lo,as nmoarye uabot ecra i :tgnhi my bydaishtr was apts t'nod em hirtg uobta eno. Hvae ldo tmie het hafl i ot how oatbu ktnih am i. .
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Ot hnotear of aubot it gi,agn yigrtn si eraecbm em htis atrp of ubt wrryo artp me ash tills. Am and evrye ofr legrtfau i ady eilf cwihh mcose enpecrieex gea twih imwsdo. Ttsgiran i amwon as yougnre to am i otcien i eothrs tnkhi race a fo htiw eltrggusd twah seinmelym botau me htta lses hihcw. Tintpea nertce if tsill elfi bi;t the esoonl" utb inaptet og cusk ensg"ir tle inegb a to tiltel nitcegha dan meor etvsen iwll uoy be i ot ear at em. .
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Ttha fo dna i this tprsa see ni siht eostrh nac eohp reda veshtmlees. My cenis astlvy ttrlee sa ghsnace ym owrte tub a and whrogt ni ecexenpeidr ve'i i ;aresy lfei has istfr eylo2ard--2 erwe tsiem dicuiftlf ymotsl eeinmms loastm ivef semo omvdriep. (hwew)! ym uert ynfun awy hhgoutt apln i'ts i neno dreinsioctp it tuo play eno how thoes lodwu lomtsa nad aedntw ifle cema tuo to fo dan. .