A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Do neicdpam ïavne os ot vfie aesyr ouy now! sesgu + a hatt sa lwil i gblola. .
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Am scholo ornleg trheewtsae hitw i :eirlspo ghih ym jsoh no. Yrea o,clsoh my ruo iallfyn ned eagtdura -maed- vahe of bhot cddidee eddne ahisenprtilo cihwh fo tbes het i i to up su bigen tlas nioecisd in for lcodu. Ew eewnt'r heca erew adn pnuphay ujst tgethroe trhig fro ircdnylebi ehrot we. I erysa 'ehs in rehte hmi i iondg nah'tve btu hpoe llew to now nkepso. .
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Ta my tbse :ii a seiporl etnirn egnarma mi' adn monseoe wsa ot emt aws allacytu prta feebor i dirarem nwhe ne;frdi lamartw rseay own an he i. I from ___" tcenreoednc sclcias ghtni mih no segesadm itrfs ppa a nda maa"t?rlw hte swa dginta we. Ym in deden up wvos a ahsrpe atth salo edgwndi. .
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3 fo bauot ym fiishn !(!!) aeyr lchsoo job uto fo uegdatra to am rtfsi i. Theoran tafc gsinintfiac si to eiras captdeec a het i ypa ygrnti oecrsps lsitl taht im' eyctelrn hatt otsonpii. .
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Pu goseosnd idd hipgapenn ahah ife;l hatt tno ned i deeecrnsi teh ttah aftc pu uwdol gttuohh ta den ankht in i. .
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Heer'st i'm tmei yaw oh hainvg ni iskd ae,hy no noos yan ellh. Oend one a ni i ,chdil m!nyc?eoo vaeh if iths od nda 'tis. .
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Em htirg hbtidsray maoeryn o'dtn tobua satp o,sla noe :ghitn aws ecra my i obaut. I oautb ot owh ma old evha ihtnk i hte lahf teim. .
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Gitnry ubt fo hsa tapr me si rorwy trpa ot gaing, lislt ercmeba fo iths otuab ti naethor me. Scmeo nrpcexieee whit frtelagu flie ichwh dna yeevr ofr eag swmiod dya am i. Ceiont ithw i essl whta ot i roshet ma cera drelgtugs aubto a of ahtt ugyerno hihwc i awomn nitgrats emylminse hnitk em sa. R"sgeni atetnip are lfei fi oyu go eb me tvesen ta egbin wlli o"lesno het adn a itllet orme aienptt lslit to lte i ot ubt tagchnei scuk ;bti neerct. .
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Ttha dan anc hsoert pheo fo i rtpas ese sseelhvtme ni tshi ader thsi. A tsrif cines msoe my iidfucflt rhtgwo veif i l2-2erdyoa- sa tbu trelte rmovdipe eisnmem edeenxecpir and yvtsal ash lmstao elfi eotrw ngcshea i'ev ym ni ymltos ewer etims y;reas. Acme sit' ayw adn toghtuh out niosecidrtp nad one h(we)!w lief udwol mlasto etadnw fo i ym ohw ethso eurt nnoe ti ot npla tuo yufnn alpy. .