Overthinking

Dear future self, First, I want to warn those who will read this crap that I am not fluent in English. Although, I am from a bilingual country, I prefer to speak, write and read in our language but because most of the sender here are English speakers, I will try my best to make you understand what I would like to say. I had been overthinking this past few months. I don't know what will the future be, how will it end or will end just normally... I want to know whether, the woman that said she was my mom after 18 years of not in contact is my true bio mom. I'm hoping she is because I'm quiet desperate to meet my mom and I don't want to waste my trust again. And, I don't want to live in lies anymore. At the age of 18, turning 19 on june 14, I don't have any specific goal. I just don't want to live anymore because of my depressing thoughts... that's why I want to know if ever I'm still there, reading this crap letter of mine 5 years later. I like to be alone because no one's controlling, hurting me or even make me overthink because of their sudden attitude towards me but I want to know too.. if my best of the best friends I ever had in my life are with me the whole time, through sadness, and even breaking down because of the things I couldn't control. I want to know... if I am actually deserving to live a life. Because today, I'm tired of being me. Final exam will be next next week, I'm hoping I will do well. I hope I can have even just a passing grade in calculus 3. lol Have a good day! Sana may work ka na, nalaman mo na katotohanan, sana hindi worst ang nalaman mong katotohanan, natuloy ang mga pangarap niyo nina ruth, shai at shine kahit na magkahiwalay man kayo sa work niyo. sana mas makabubuti ang mga desisyon mo sa buhay lalo na kung saan ka mag-work, kung saang bansa ka magwowork o kung sino man ang kasama mo ngayong 24 ka na. I love you, be proud of me. Be proud of yourself kahit na walang gustong ipagmalaki ka. Prove them wrong Cle!