Dear Future Jeff,
You've forgotten about this email, that's fine. It's 2013. You broke up with Cait for the final time 8 months ago. It's been difficult. You've been angry and depressed. You hate everyone and everything seems stupid to you. Did it get better? Will I always feel this hopeless? Will I always feel this afraid?
You asked a girl out for the first time in a long time a few weeks ago. Do you even remember Kayla? She made you feel stupid and afraid and excited for the first time in years. She woke you up real good. She brought your heart and soul back from the dead, and you owe her for that. You will always owe her for that. She's your perfect woman and if you've let her go, you owe yourself a punch in the **** ... *******. Today would have been your ten year anniversary. You were so undescribably in love with her when you wrote this. You should take a moment to reflect on that. Do you love her more now? Do you still love her at all?
What have I done with my life? Do I still work at GameStop? Do I live comfortably? Am I happy doing what I do? Do I still wake up every morning and ask myself what I've done with my life?
What was it all for? What was it all leading up to?
Who has stuck around? Who left you behind? Who have you left behind? How is Russ? How is your sister? How are your parents? Your mother is about to move in December. Do things get better when she leaves? Call your father. He wasn't the best father when you were younger, but he was your best friend when you grew up. Is he still disappointed in you? Does he still wish you were more? Do you still wish you were more?
The things that are important to you when you wrote this email won't be the same as when you read it. Isn't that interesting?
You just cut all your hair off. It's only been a month and already you've forgotten what it feels like. How many other countless things have you forgotten?
Did the night terrors ever go away? Did I ever get to sleep?
Tell the most important person in your life how much they mean to you. I just did. It was Russ, as if people don't already think we're ***.
I'd wish you good luck, but by the time you're reading this, it's probably too little too late. I wonder if you ever stopped loving the fire. I wonder if you ever stopped living in your crucible because it was too easy to embrace the pain when it was all you knew anymore.
I wonder if you got stronger. I wonder if you got better. I wonder if you started feeling things again the way you used to. You've been so wrapped up in your fear and your anger and your pain that it made you numb. It was all you felt for so long that you stopped being able to feel it, and anything else.
I'm writing this letter because I can't feel any hope for the future. Hopefully I was wrong. Hopefully in ten years I'll be able to feel hope for the past.
Best Wishes,
Past Jeff
P.S. It's 12/08
Epilogue
5 months laterDear Jeff,
You were right that I forgot about the letter. But I was excited to read it. I know you'd be excited to know I've read it. See, I...
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dora.androlic:
over 2 years ago