A letter from December 8th, 2013

Peaceful right?

Dear Future Jeff, You've forgotten about this email, that's fine. It's 2013. You broke up with Cait for the final time 8 months ago. It's been difficult. You've been angry and depressed. You hate everyone and everything seems stupid to you. Did it get better? Will I always feel this hopeless? Will I always feel this afraid? You asked a girl out for the first time in a long time a few weeks ago. Do you even remember Kayla? She made you feel stupid and afraid and excited for the first time in years. She woke you up real good. She brought your heart and soul back from the dead, and you owe her for that. You will always owe her for that. She's your perfect woman and if you've let her go, you owe yourself a punch in the **** ... *******. Today would have been your ten year anniversary. You were so undescribably in love with her when you wrote this. You should take a moment to reflect on that. Do you love her more now? Do you still love her at all? What have I done with my life? Do I still work at GameStop? Do I live comfortably? Am I happy doing what I do? Do I still wake up every morning and ask myself what I've done with my life? What was it all for? What was it all leading up to? Who has stuck around? Who left you behind? Who have you left behind? How is Russ? How is your sister? How are your parents? Your mother is about to move in December. Do things get better when she leaves? Call your father. He wasn't the best father when you were younger, but he was your best friend when you grew up. Is he still disappointed in you? Does he still wish you were more? Do you still wish you were more? The things that are important to you when you wrote this email won't be the same as when you read it. Isn't that interesting? You just cut all your hair off. It's only been a month and already you've forgotten what it feels like. How many other countless things have you forgotten? Did the night terrors ever go away? Did I ever get to sleep? Tell the most important person in your life how much they mean to you. I just did. It was Russ, as if people don't already think we're ***. I'd wish you good luck, but by the time you're reading this, it's probably too little too late. I wonder if you ever stopped loving the fire. I wonder if you ever stopped living in your crucible because it was too easy to embrace the pain when it was all you knew anymore. I wonder if you got stronger. I wonder if you got better. I wonder if you started feeling things again the way you used to. You've been so wrapped up in your fear and your anger and your pain that it made you numb. It was all you felt for so long that you stopped being able to feel it, and anything else. I'm writing this letter because I can't feel any hope for the future. Hopefully I was wrong. Hopefully in ten years I'll be able to feel hope for the past. Best Wishes, Past Jeff P.S. It's 12/08

Epilogue

5 months later

Dear Jeff,

You were right that I forgot about the letter. But I was excited to read it. I know you'd be excited to know I've read it. See, I...

Swa tneh woh know i. . . Ym kwon wosdr i nwo. A poresn swa ohw i drea yb iwttren htsi to nudaro konw rettle nnlnapig it taht to eb tnas'w. Rna uory yuo adn atth a stih twih trhea royu thta udwol sa atht mtnhos nlyo ot eb a,pnl ogd hte on do wsa obydon awy, uyo dgo uoy tdisup rwdie pu ouy in eembermr cumh dospetp rfeat sa gnhti oyu i lbae hte oelv a oint htta tspuid wef tfle i,ths ecam and wrgiitn. Eewk dcdeied to ylon him, uoy oyu ahtt rvuivse iceeddd a dan to i nwko ,tearl ehnt rof oyu ofr euvrisv.
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Uoy ndchgae nveetihryg rof tenh. Chum os oyu gto trebte. Evnierythg hucm rtebet gto os.
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Menoyra ushldo euory' ont i htat sguse pu oyu ffje i eltl nortf. Gedanch ouyr oyu name. Euy'ro now ralhcie. Lalrey atht lal ti dan yass. . . Esecbau uyo chgdnae efsrouly oyu aemn es,e oryu naechdg. Ouy cndhgae os smea - bertet er'wnet het dan uyo dareezil - fro you htta rnepso lgrotuhhoy eth nomarey ierelytn. Can esforylu iginmae you 2031 ecbrdmee efre in oyu hatt a eanm? howel nda ounheg enw feegnil usre oehcs eunohg tboua.
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Akyla yuo unnyf nenmiot. . . It nhad esh had a in. Hte iddedec ouy eronsa orf 'hsse ilev to rysloefu. Seispnoerd nad tenh rouy crhaon it uyro lposhraetiin nda eth dtlesa down ohbt oynl okot 4 hnotms of you. Reh you snkdseni nda enev oberk ti a,erth houtgh tegrvneyih dgehnac esh reobk cat oyu uoy up, an of ddi rtafe. Yuo cewti dedta ttha afret rhe. Ouy dagitn wnhe itsh rtelet, tlear erieedvc reays oyu were her ten. Lla ehrte ndti'd ti eimts, owkr. Lla she ,temsi tub rilzeeda oatub yuo 'edcovul ereth ekow iowutth dna oyu reevn uyo uoyflres ttah her up thsngi atutgh. All ent esbt eebn nteh rfo sncei the royu of 'hess yrsae otsaml rfneid. Tisll ghhtou het park-ebu eevn hsa no si tobh adrh wn,o you of ehs neeb.
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Iev,l udnrao yuo sitghn uyo eddidce raetf urnedt ot. Nad evne mocterup tog ni jo,b ltos eetbtr to beertt got erdeeg abck ni yuo snodpu nthe jb,o na 015 a tewn uyo you ocsolh ouyr neth a ciences ,aeyr. Cnoapmy ta aemt a aaethrlceh ro'uey a nwo elda. Ppoele uelav uyo, uy,o peleop nda oyru elki hsughtot. Pmnattiro to is eenv you if i hwo 'nodt kwon thta ,you ety.
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Liev tdn'o ouy fltcbmoayro. Ceoidsnsi hseot omse uyo ,sdicsione mdea own oedicnsis bad the rfo oevr neth yor'eu 10 oogd edma nad ,raesy osem adb gaiynp oyu. Kame a tbu tlo lto have uyo of a uoy dteb ynme,o fo. Dbrog,ioheohn you ahve ofeedrm einc otn fo amtraeptn, in you a a a aehv enic tub. Ltomys u'oyre y'rueo ,papyh btu not laawsy cttoenn.
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Uyo enm ta o'nsyt dna be-csot inwegdd erwe srus. Fo uyo ear hte erhte snebiaearpl isltl. Ew ftle ohtb btu sone kdeas woh noyl htat tyrehe' dna kwno o,yu yuo mretat tlfe ohw het oyu. Wokn rlea onw ryte'eh yuo adn yfmi,al yuor ti. Oot it okwn heyt.
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Time niur oyu isert nlog to ilef royu onoca-cntt go rmteoh oyur a nda orf. Oerv ti elspe oesl 'ndot. Re'ouy - eiprhap trbeet off nda. Naiga uyo utb evnre igve yuo aevetuylln erowp hapct vero ttah erh nhtgsi ouy ,up. Snediiosc utoba amek ttha gdoo oyu.
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Your osed aretfh teh otieposp. Rfo ktssimea aspt radh he orev ent yares hotes up ot srite so ish akem. Do mhcu so is for eh rwognik gehnvetiry ertsi vene so gtsaina you othugh ihm arhd ot. Ni poenrs nwo, het seayr rof 3 esh' uotba in tehro rsfti orom igntsiiv ni itrgh time the. Wno reew eotrtghe rae oyu nhta nda eh erev orslce viignl oyu. Eakst hatw shat't smitoeems it. Fo so nteardunsd ,oyu he's odpur uoy dan ywh. Of updor o,yu reyo'u oot.
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Ttoag ithw you t,ou nsoteh hitn i anm, tis' onrgiwg pttery be yuro bkac sa'ihr btu. Ot tirtsgan teh aldb r'ueoy kabc in. All ts'i off gaian het 'eoyru otn tugcint kool dan ebst ti atuob inhtngik. Tgohhu ahve it it,me on'dest uhmc itsh sa gainemn. Mgiatsprma te,im reup 'tis ihst. - it ti i know emnta to unoehg nthe ot ntnoiem uyo wtah.
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Trroesr het tberte gte thing. Go sa yteh dna eftyunqerl lit,ls tub ton meoc. Ot thta get rtepor eples im' to yuo eevnr rysor. Tiellt ro lsyaaw epsel, sdeont' tmrate be it uoy ouy liwl who mcuh terdi who. Oghhut uesd to ou'ery it. Ayw in oyemarn it yuro etd'sno tdnsa.
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To oyu etmatr hwy tehy letl onkw em meattr that lief etnawd plopee ym hwo i teh ni. Ehtm llte ohegun tfle 'sti uyo ilek easucbe 'tindd aswyal uyo. At etertb nwo ahtt 'ureyo. You opplee otn'd ouy maen nda lelt ,tehm glnlite stop oelv uyo peoepl nweh ehtm eceaubs t,i ouy yuo leov. Thye ti kown. Plpeoe *** illst surs we're thnik itwh.
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Dan srdnepseoi sacererehd ilwhe in otl uyo tpos c'otndlu yitnitde oignvl het oyu utoab feri ywh eerw lhewo radnlee oeclgel oyu a. Aptr sa eecmba of csyicph it tlnui ctchru ainp a udes yuo uyo a. Eiaigmn hte dikn oprens nt'duolc eb u'ody yuo fo iuhwtto ti. Dmea guotthh oyu you was uyo owh but gnggadir it it down er,a uoy. Yuo ewer nthoms a elt to ewf agnenilr olny go mfor.
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Yuo gto ertnorsg. Yuo etbetr tog. Asedttr obaut uyo ti e,elf yoru'e otn nda yhs to ehrite. Orrsewi aevh oyu illts. Bloutser aehv ilslt uyo. Nlpas ahev tub ouy. Oyu hvae remdsa. The ahev the ofr po,he spta ouy ueurft adn btoh. Eb ot yeu'ro oyka noigg. Adn ot oiggn rylael lnog hard, meit a gigon etg tub eb ore'uy it ot ot t,here gte 'tis teerh stake.
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Doog kcul.
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Tsbe ,sewshi.
Alrhice euuftr.
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P. S. Flu you ekli oyu teh - you teh yifmal - ueanrfl do,otcr vmeonebr tarts nad heyt ilef when mkea ciks tno 2801 no fiegeln armnnetesgar in to edi orutspp rwee so ,peebrmets oyru go ot ni ti's todl.
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Bfoere ti eavh h?dpaepen doluc oocl if ycualalt be ihst i arde ti lun'twdo.

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dora.androlic:

almost 2 years ago

This letter is beautiful. I hope the person who wrote it accomplished everything they wished for 10 years ago. ❤️ Man that’s a lot of time.

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