Hi AlishaDid you do it? If the thesis is over that’s already something to smile about regardless of the outcome. I don’t know how it went but I’ll try for you. Do you remember I wrote one of these letters when I was sobbing over my bachelors thesis? I told you I’m doing this for you so you can do this masters program. So that you could feel accomplished and advance your cv. I wanted to set you up for success in a good job. That’s why I’m suffering through this. Right now I’m at a low point. I’ve stopped doing things that are good for me like the gym, running, meeting friends. I’ve stayed inside all day. I’ve cried every day this month. I hate the process of this. I hate feeling so behind in life and I hate feeling so useless. I worry that I’ll never make it out. I want a job to feel like I’m not just a wasted human and a consumer. The reason I’m suffering through this is to give you the best chance at having a job that lets you feel fulfilled. I’m grateful for younger me for suffering through. I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t. So I will for you. I hope this is over for you.
Epilogue
5 months later
Hi sweetheart. I didn't get the passing mark you hoped for. It was over for a long time. I stopped with academics because of burnout. I know you tried really...
Drah. Orf give inghts erew yrsor yuo dgoo ot up 'mi ouy dah ttah. .
Lrdwo tdon' iitsrp dervdese htnki hte i cadacime royu. .
I hgimt peoh out iygtnr nda hda arlley hhgoutt hvea ruobitcndte ubt srleoc tkhin fo slso thta to atht htta tusj eth me awasyl drha lowud haev ngirb i i runb.
Htat nca an ist' i a tno og ecra wtih nehw eavh uyo ipunhgs nad nkow tub oyu cenredaun rptsin taht immesteos lla tsi' whtor teyads. Sseiht 'itns iwnitgr ylrlae a snitpr. Nsghti micag ma dir iutnl jstu fo hsseti of wfe dan stlo sgnyait a egt ot owkn up ti kile labherco htta uyo i in ouyr 4 rweot roedkw. Pdee if rtse ubt wrko tath mltyepleoc sflsceu!ucs od butoa elki feelign dna ouy aluwf uoy oe'ury sturbs ouy eden so nac it erwe. Rslfeyuo ehguon lfeyosur gnhaigcn doungr t'nwsa nda het indgo eth eerw oyu ot uoy tcooeum reewnt' dginvir uheong qckiu ngeitll sbaeeuc. Reew uboat wysala ecsbuae tsre sawt'n eht wiroerd deep egnuho oyu gsoinmthe. Flet hsgetnmio kiel yuo wasayl to do ouy eedend. Be whne yuo ne'wetr neev and erfe sihtse rewe weer day ot ciilosase erixeesc etl frmo oshte asglo if eewdksen yerev mte uoy asd rwgitin uyo gaere nad.
Rhebta adn smteisoem tsi' ielv ko to just. T'dind yuo oyu wkne ilev ti ryllae itsh utb. Had i to.
I same em uyo ubt sa tehy sa teh humc slilt eocsnmu budsot nda evha 'dont arsef. Otcentn nad osenumc evisg do i hpoe em tath ucofs i i hatw nac on.
To yrt evi' iwht og kcab adn edecddi htat once rome tiessh. Oodg tup omec anc nad ofrm ti so ucmh uyo ti easbceu nyol ntoi ihgsnt. Doog ist'. Rllyea ogod 'sit. Eb i ntca' rewe ouy eikl hits liaf i urht mtie fi. My m'i rotwh neess to fo gcntthaia lfes ti tno. Rtse neoc 'tdnose uto by ginyrt doog evah rowk own het'rse ttah eb ihntgs ti so lnoy wlli more ot i ****** rlae gte i gevin yslfem lryela if not.
Job emoc wlli a. Yuo ot rae od ntihsg so mnay lbea. Dna tadplaaeb are relvec uyo so. Ursceo wlil ot of ouy nfid do okwr. Strtu endede nad rest sa ocrspes het. I vole uoy.
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