Dear FutureMe,it's christmas, which means only 3 months left until I'm 18. I'm scared and exited at the same time. I can't wait to leave my family and get read off all of the toxic I My life and just be free but at the same time I'm scared because I don't know what to do once I get out there. I won't have Noone telling me to pick up my mess or go to work. I won't have my siblings to bully me and play with me. I won't have my mom to comfort me and just be my mom. I will have to have my own motivation and come up with my own ideas. I don't think I'm ready to be responsible for myself. I know I'm not ready to be responsible for myself. I mean I'm mentally crazy and I do drugs, I get attached to everybody too easily. I get emotional or sad over everything. I can't even get myself up out of bed most days. I have a boyfriend rn other than Allen. he super hot and he treats me wonderful!! oh also my great grandma Jackie died 2 days ago and I can't go to her funeral. I'm honestly super sad abt it and I wish I could reverse time and be able to see her before she died but the world doesn't work like that. I've really been just ignoring it and acting like it didn't happen cause I don't want to believe it. me and her weren't too close but I still loved her. I already miss her. I've never had a close family member die before so it feels weird. this is literally my first time crying abt it. I don't really know what else to say but I'm just counting down the days. oh and also my mom and grandma are making me find my own way back to north Carolina and I have to be gone by the end of the day on my birthday. I think I going to buy a plane ticket but it's like 500 bucks. I'm also quitting the job I have rn cause their not acting like they want me working there at all. so I'm going job hunting tomorrow.
Epilogue
18 days later
Wow, it's almost 4 months since I wrote that and SO MUCH has happened. I guess I can start off with the fact that I am 18 now and I...
Olve i tgiand hwti ppa mte a a no ugy. I het ,ohuhtg ivle aylaltcu i 10 erweh( no i inusemt emas pnarstrdegna ),reefbo pspisissiim leik evil aodr vinlog ni asw lilst letraliyl fmor i'ts ym usoeh. To noos i e'sh dan as snetyhol otu iusses ubt can oevm tub arneg as imh rn i nhldae fro can i dnee sah eh ko. God i a dchli of am wno too. Teh hcacen i a ago pelcou eskew rhccuh betazpid og i i to etg itg adn hevenewr. Lswaay urtgedslg i sueac vloe 'vie ofr 'ahtts htiw dna ym atihf big yegenniul lylera me odg. Has mcesrali orf illst eh os gciontnu dan naym em redceta. Alos i at srdey rn, at egt 'im rlaeyl lwel rhenaot fcae hhwic ygritn slao dna shwoearue i jbo egso epoh vahe a to job a. Tey hotb nanog if tho m'i dsrye wrko ikd ro itqu. Gtota i noec i ese job i get uegss iths. Wear ogt ho,t of eoksm od ev'i mkosse litls ik ffo oint i orf the otd'n itwh orwk eth nslesu veil temi tbiah ugy het edwe hot i eaervydy tah,t omeks to ghih hvea ndoi i ferboe (d)t so i. Autn mi' hre selco my 3 iwht toh nylo iskd adn. Get fo my and dinka gesdtoh sert fmaliy me tjsu caethhero. Ownd im' ym doar satun at elapc iemt ivsle lla hte hot eht hes sucea. Rfo 'im hot hre os atfrguel. Ehs chmu 'wvee ansem eebn dna to hgutrho os me hucm os. Nvee dan atlr,liely jstu a ipss hweer i tbu me rhe of,f 'shse wldou i eht the of aws lvoe ogt won nptio htohugt so ehr teehr nlyo umhc one. Utb go imsspisipis to asyt anwan iivts ot,h i acbk telrav tahn lnacaior orhte awann naht thnik dfrenis ni htat i mmo isnlisbg i tohre ot nda ot ntorh mbyea adn on'dt. Lli' on ahtt ndee 'notd hnwe yn,maore em nad ubt naht yrple ym danik leaylr oatu wlil dna my lfle hre hes eewv' to ktak dmarnloy ccoantt thms ansp hotre tryos lacl i. In ssliinbg ym ot i ldekat dna ahvtn hsmont. Me i etim it me had erwe i did ctrnolo rof mhte i vore hmcu dna sism last yrc hyet esakm dam ttha nawna tsmh so ta no btu. Eetrh ca'nt seivl ees i wati ot buoat rhae hetm ni thvreygien and lal. My sbinslig mad ratmte hrhcoteae ta adn lwli evnre that no my who ear gcnahe ievtnyrhge r ew. Lleray awht nikht tkla ot rwok 'tasht elwl' i lees so onkw nawyya 'im adn utb for own ot bta lal ay 'tond nr owt. N,r ym si ko idnngahl ysa olgn acrrotelesrol sa ehva it eids jeuss no ym 'id tub as s'it i na ifel aeitonolm 'im.
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