Dear FutureMe,
Things have come and gone, and a lot has changed, i’ve got to say.
You’re finally comfortable being catholic, so way to go girlie! Keep strong.
Also i’m so in love with Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly. Like i don’t even want a Jim in my life I just wanna be Pam,
if that makes any sense?
Oh well…
Epilogue
2 months later
Honestly I have no idea what you meant with the “I don’t even want a Jim” bit but sure!
The catholic thing is forever a hardship of course. It’s hard...
The si uyo nwok ershot uyo nweh ees some lal to you teh of htiw btoua nad ecor italgkn eno prtas si who magikn the n…is yuo see reycltdi luorfesy drageesi cchuhr drolw.
Jtsu eewr elepop i mtnae soiqtnue to gessu emso. .
’odtn you blvieee amen esndo’t atth. Sono are ska tisem i,tlgu do by ereth ,ogsh rweesdahoovd dan cuhm os yuo ivebeel ho uchm ohw evbeei!l so yuo elieebv hnw,e souflrye do oyu hwy uyo. Uhmc so uoy wehn you smtie dheswi nidtd’ libveee.
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Gtilu henw hichw tbu ot ujst nlorieig iatgynnh i ihs as iekl abeym of etpeesnrr eemlnte olfsk ltak tyedlcri awy pero abuot it to rihnenet tclcohia ond’tse oru ’ist ta ateeignv kihtn tsih tug teh tnwiih. Su to plul to him esolcr. .
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Right nvee no egt eb to ptseio,niddap adn eshont, mi’ i ogdni ,amd n,enoayd etnihvryeg irfokwres emco saueebc. At omce urhchc esniefgl mi’ wlmnrgoviehe wneh on. Fo htan orf yrev ermatt ulyc im’ oeths a elfe mhnsy i dan a sinneltgi likley ucads lal liigtnsne atc,f to as nosg ot yrrso omre ts,hi. Tdetusrfra ’mi.
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Tub to ”it kame ym ti npla ouy si lit ekaf“. Otdub i i is tath ucodl smhtignoe so it febiel ennigaird nikfga me eecsuab erev ym ffo khsae nwitih ont. Nefsosc… rbefoe ntigh to proepr amryr uohyt lkei og eb hcruhc’s ryap li,ke but ot’wn apry a l’il dbe kdsi nda ot crchuh yunsda guy nc,ei tu,sj ot nad go pgour hte uro yreve nda veyer dna dna em. Bodtu elraly si it eb? sgtnhi ilwl ahtt i woh. Grlsi liek i oot. I oudnn. Wlle’ ese utb.
This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please
for those who wanna read the epilogue but don’t have premium (as I): “Honestly I have no idea what you meant with the “I don’t even want a Jim” bit but sure!
The catholic thing is forever a hardship of course. It’s hard to see yourself when you know some core parts of you directly disagree with the church and all you see others talking about is how the world is the one making you sin…
I guess some people were just meant to question. That doesn’t mean you don’t believe. Oh gosh, and how do you believe! You believe so much there are times when, soon overshadowed by guilt, you ask yourself why do you believe so much. Times when you wished you didn’t believe so much.
When folks talk about catholic guilt I like to think of it as this inherent element within our religion which doesn’t represent anything directly negative but maybe it’s just His way to tug at the rope. To pull us closer to Him.
To be honest, I get annoyed, disappointed, even mad, because I’m doing everything right and no fireworks come. No overwhelming feelings come when i’m at church. As a matter of fact, and I’m very sorry for this, I likely feel more listening to a Lucy Dacus song than listening to all those hymns. I’m frustrated.
But my plan is to “fake it til you make it”. Not faking my belief because that is something so ingrained within me I doubt I could ever shake it off. But to just, like, go to church every sunday and go to the church’s youth group and pray every night before bed and confess… And i’ll marry a nice, proper guy and pray our kids won’t be like me. Is that how things really will be? I doubt it. I like girls too. I dunno. But we’ll see
Letter Author:
about 1 month ago