a letter for you from 2 months ago

hey man. so im writing this in my AP bio class during a lab cuz im stupid and forgot to give in the safety contract. idk. im js bored n wanted to write this. anyways, how have you been lately? rn things arent the best so im hoping by the time you get this; things will be at least slightly better. js been hard yk. me n chels broke up a week ago and thats been taking a major toll on me. i love her man. i still love her and i always will. it js really really sucks bc i thought that her n i would last forever ykwim. ik thats stupid to think considering that im a junior in high school n its hella rare that couples last forever in high school. i js gotta wait for her. let her take all the time that she needs for herself. shes got a LOT going on rn so i completely understand her not being in the right headspace to be in a relationship. i know she loves me and i know she'll always be here for me for when i need her but i js miss her so much. it hurts so bad. it doesnt help that im a chronic overthinker so my minds js been going a million miles a min js thinking about everything ykwim. im js scared that im gonna lose her forever. it doesnt help that i dont have my phone so im not able to talk to her whenever i want. like i barely see her at school bc our classes dont line up so i dont really see her in the halls. it also doesn't help that i've been vaping every day. me thinking that its fixing my anxiety when in reality it js making everything so much worse. i wish i never started. it ******* sucks bro. ****. idk. i js want my favorite girl back. i js want my baby back. i miss her everyday so so so much. i still tell her i love her to the pic i have of us at the lake that one day after i got back from camp. i still look at that every day and talk to it every day. i keep it in my wallet so i can js see her. ik thats like obsessive or wtv but idk. im js so in love with her man. im forever so stupidly, head over heels in love with her. i always will be. she is my light. when i see her i cant help but smile. i love her with every part of me. i js need to give her the space that she needs and let her take the time that she needs for herself. she deserves it. i want whats best for her. i will wait for her. and while i wait, im gonna work on myself too. im so ****** up in the head with my depression and overthinking and anxiety so tbh im not really ready for a relationship. i want to be at my 100% best for her and for myself. i want us to last. she means more than the world to me. i am so in love with her. no matter the distance or the time that we spend apart, i will ALWAYS love her. i dont want anyone else. i js want her. shes my shining star in a dark night sky. the light of my life in the dark times that i have rn. even though we arent together rn, i still feel the same way i did about her when we first started dating. and i will always feel like that. yea. sorry for rambeling lol. i js feel so strongly abt this and everything yk. im js so in love with her. lowk this is like the 3rd letter that i've written to you about her. she js means so much to me. yea. thats it tho. hopefully by the time you get this everything will be at least slightly better than it is now. we got 2 therapy appointments next week (im writing this on a friday) hopefully those go good. anyways ima head out. have a good one man. stay up. hopefully we got our phone back by the time you get this lmao. stay up bro. ill catch you.