A letter from Dec 10, 2023

Dear FutureMe, I’ll get out of this Maybe someday I’ll find my own peace and happiness There are times were I think I’ve already escaped, but the heart never forgets I truly believed- in fixing a relationship even if it was already one-sided because that person gives up too easily and I want that person to learn not to give up and let go so easily and act like nothing happened. I don’t know if that person truly loved me- that was my biggest crime as I may not know the answer. That person said “I was blinded by love” so that was all a lie? So all of it wasn’t true? Why was it so fast… maybe that’s just how that person handles situations but if that person never learns how would he expect his life to get any better? Maybe that person was too nice to me or lied through its tongue but I’d never forget that time I was left alone. I've experienced people leaving me behind or being left out I'm no stranger to those instances but I feel hurt- because the person who I thought wouldn't treat me like that ended up being just like what others did to me, abandoned and left on my own like I was worthless to them- maybe I don't show much love but deep down I truly care and love that person despite my actions or how bad my day is I'll never leave them like that. I know I have my own shortcomings but is it a justification to end it all? Either way, that person already lost their feelings so chances are slim. Maybe it wasn’t meant for forever or perhaps what they call an endgame but I don’t know- I’ll let time figure that out. Meanwhile, I should start to become better- not for that person but for myself, be less reliant, and learn how to handle relationships (whether platonic or not) with maturity and respect. I promise I’ll never disrespect myself again (pls) build better confidence in myself and take more action and accountability to the things I commit and want to achieve. If ever that person would come back- I want that person to prove to himself he has changed and not give up on challenges faces on- prove himself he’s willing and not just to relive those times. I should not let this experience ruin my academics, never- I’ve traded my academics for so long I should take it seriously. I would not allow myself to get too involved with people who are a bad influence and take advantage of me. Learning how to balance between being “nice” and “self-respect” If a person crosses that line or boundary I’ll tell them and communicate with them on how much it’s uncomfortable. This isn’t just a message for a person- more for myself. I will try to be more religious and start healthy ways.