A letter from Nov 19, 2023

Hello 19yo Me, first i'm going to reply to my 17 yo self. No i did not get a partner, no i did not get a job at the shop, i didn't ask for anything in particular for my birthday, i couldn't go as an exchange student because the school doesn't have enough money and i didn't take singing lessons but i want to. My birthday was fun. I cried the day before while hugging mom, i was stressed without a reason, probably because i was thinking about what i was going to do in the future(i was scared about the future that awaits me). I got rejected by another person(A.), i tried to maintain our friendship but it got worse, we are still friends but not like before. I have a new crush(M.) but i'm scared that if i confess he will reject me too so i'm trying to find a way out of this situation. Nothing is happening for now, we rarely meet and if we do it's always with N. or with someone else. I wish i could tell him everything but my body is stopping me. Strangely enough i didn't cry at all during my birthday, even after receiving gifts and all, usually i always cry at least for the presents but not this year. i think its a bit better this year. It was pretty fun, the place was nice, i had all of my friends etc. I'm still thinking about if i'm really important for my friends. I feel like i'm being left alone but probably is just that they are to busy with school or with their other groups or respective partners. This school year is really chaotic, too many things to do all at once. the lessons are easier than the other years, maybe because we are doing stuff that we already did in middle school but idk. I'm getting really good grades strangely enough and it's going great. This whole year has been full of ups and downs tbh, great-grandma died around june as you know, but i got thru it, and other stuff that i already mentioned. Did you tell M. about your feelings? if so, what happened after? Did you graduate? Do you regret doing something? Did you meet new friends? Did you a job? I wish you a happy 2024 (i still can't believe that it's in around a month and a half) and a happy 19th birthday your 18yo self. p.s. try to take better care for yourself, don't fight for things that you don't deserve and live well.