Dear FutureMe,
OG LETTER:
Dear FutureMe,
I'm currently a 16 year old mess
I have no idea what I want to do in life
I have no idea who I want to be in life
I've never dated. I've never had my first kiss. I've never had a job. I feel like I've never done anything.
How have I lived 16 years on this planet and done nothing.
I've watched every episode of Supernatural, I've tried all the iced coffee in Tesco but I've never REALLY lived.
I want to live not just exist.
I feel so lacking in everything.
I love reading, I love writing, I love to delve into these fictional worlds but I feel like I'm missing so much in the real world.
I hope you, future me, are living and feeling better than me.
I love you no matter what.
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Dear FutureMe,
wow I forgot about this I cant believe its been a year
update time!!
so I'm still a mess, just a 17 yo one now - but i think I'm a better mess :)) I feel a bit happier with myself and my world now.
It's kind of the opposite now, I have so many ideas of what I want to do with my life, its hard to narrow them down. I'm doing a gap year next year, I can't wait. I think working will be tough but I'm excited to leave the work at work and come home and not have to worry about homework and things like that. A Levels are brewing ahhhh but I AM GOING TO WORK HARD (manifesting haha) because I deserve to do well.
Still never dated. Still never been kissed. I am scared I'm missing out. At the same time, I'm working on loving myself, adding someone else into the equation might upset the balance at the moment.
Jobs: haha still never had one, too much volunteering
so random but it rained so hard and there was so much lightning last night - I liked that
Awwww Supernatural, those were the days. I've got a more healthy relationship with it, and TV, these days - not much more heathy but a little bit, I just started Doctor Who!!!
Iced coffee is still my drug of choice, I'm sure it will be in 5 years as well.
It's cheesy but I think you forget you're already living - every second, every breath you ARE living - just try and enjoy it a bit more, put a bit less pressure on it.
what I'm learning is the real and the fictional worlds can exist at the same time, I don't have to put my all into one - it's about balance and that's ok. Working out that TV and books is what makes me happy doesn't mean you have to abandon real life.
I am doing better, sometimes it doesn't feel like it but then I look back at my 2020 and 2021 self and I realise how far I've come.
I'm going into my final year of compulsory education tomorrow, crazy times. and then the fun/work begins :)))
I still love you, you idiot, love yourself a bit more <3
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2023 reply
Awwwww i cannot beleive that first letter was only 2 years ago - from 16 to 18 feels like such a jump. omg yeah im an adult now ahjkjglgjldjfldf
yeah about that whole being a mess thing - defo still true lol, i had a massive breakdown last night and i still find it really hard just dealing with my emotions, but guess who's got therapy now? ta-da!! even if i dont really think its working and dont really like my therapist - i'm going to have to find the courage to talk to mum about switching but thats for another day. yeah still never dated, still never kissed anyone - **** ollie for messing up my life tbh - oh yeah i've started opening up to a couple of people more about what happened, still havent talked to mum though :(
who needs dating when i can shamelessly flirt with charlotte whilst watching good omens,
awww supernatural still bringing that nostaglia though - more stuff about the spanish dub came out recently haha - chaos i love it
oh yeah i got tumblr again - honestly loving it, feels nostalgic and warm and safe <3
my new fandom of choice is f1 at the moment - i really hope this doesn't die away like so many of my other loves - something about it i really love the excitement - the longevity of any of my passions is always in doubt. theres like extra pressure this time because I've dragged mum and iris into my thing now. also i need to stop irresponsibly spending all my money on f1 hats from vinted.
haha oh the gap year - well its here! but my god 17 y o poppy was snobby and thought she knew everything haha. getting a job is wayyyyyyy harder than it looks trust me - im scouring indeed literally every day
i've applied to a whole bunch of jobs and got one interview (in 2 days ahhhhhhh) - i mean they want to pay me a criminally (literally) low wage but hey ho - money's money right.
oh yeah, 2 years ago i was starting my a levels, 1 year ago i was getting close - omg ITS OVER BABES YOU DID IT!!!!! A*AA BESTIE!!!!! WITH AN A* IN THE EPQ. so smart, so hardworking no one can take that away from you.
ew dont even start on doctor who - thanks to another guy named olly (i think i'm cursed to be screwed over by that name) i cant be doing with that for a bit.
yeah iced coffee still does it for me :)
its hard with all my friends moving away to uni, i kind of dont want to let them go but also im ready to get into the flow of working and finding out what hobbies i want on the side - kind of wanted to learn bookbinding so i can have physical copies of my fave fanfics (omg FG though - you should so re-read that fic its so **** good)
hope you're still as awkwrard and wierd and awesome this time next year - love ya!
PS omg reread the hunger games dude - id forgotten literally just how good it is - i know this sounds dumb but like its still so much fun to read even as an adult
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bring on 2024
Epilogue
1 day later
2024 RESPONSE:
BRO so much has changed this is wild, like genuinly crazy.
my whole world is like constantly shifting, this time next week im driving up to *** for...
Bbplyaro liwl ilek eitenr utgrhoh c,neahg cghean nbee stju hyol **** egtisbg ie'v ylislatdarc inu eevr eilf my hte. Eeskp corcu nneasi world ist of omtnua turngin, olpt ot on swtits stju eht woh ttah nad me caryz uhmc hte. Lfee fwe uldsho lkie nerpods i ko a isutqoesn ot i.
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Ti ni dlo royu it sotp ym as hnapep rysime ot yro,sr hrwto ylrlae ggnio reya soon rhouhtg tnio to srttas rilg im ustrt uoy lal ryfsloeu fiel ym as ewre you ettb,re 16 em i ,flse it so tesg edtxen v,eol iwolgalnw nad tusj uyo eowhl ,yrstlfi aftc in. Uyo sa is usrtt loceor dna iepescexren oson ahtn fo im yeshd awy i suidtp as easleidr nda i hatt usjt yo,u enbig oyu to rudnao up slee nocuol faer em away esen you fmor nad eoeyvren sa ofr wulod open sa rtsat vaeh silly nkhit sa heva. Slilt 16 tefelcr arel oyu eepolp reisela siht iay,hhcrer eth ka(a titu,arym het flie imet stuj wogr ton lsccrie ackb penxda itppoualyr arolmhno whree dan ta ihgh rnzioohs pu si yruo rmeo yerv olas itwh wtih nity ohsocl) erom eods rae edebssos irtmoptna nda eth yuo bueblb dna moces nda. .
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Ubt arey rietretngg - eerdge time sclcsias lto mi neaghc ym ingaa uifger eb erttle xetn iev' yuo and uto ym **** im to whetsdic niumsljroa aedim i'tll eusr ystohri t(on sith envre a eilanng ni h)aha to sa nad i dna loas my onkw w/ mi a ntmanocumicio htgim oehlw ttsrgani all ttha yghlih cocihe swdator bit.
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- nbdihe g,dnati gigon ont to lstil eli eahy ysbo ee'rw orb ttpeyr s,gniksi. Yesik poor egnib yhea so gislrsynniupu dtea adn prtyet you sa'd jbo henw ot edos a tyr a lidhc gwro pu as. Loseriusy bad ouy ,now neve igthn a ti ankgim ckab si how hcmu tisll ti kojse btu is i widl wkno ryros lshdo. Rospelhtiina atth whis eswn 5022 lol i aevh atht mgith i im woredk detpau dyebno had ridafa rtpahye aphpy a a or to tbtere eht be ye'oru tbu in nad dan sebalt. Rstcee ayw eh of os mmu to im ognl uoy'ev etll hwta opdru you uyo auonrd <3 for did grarynci ttah oot eebn did srupe uo,y abotu.
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Veol usre yuor e'oyuv ilfe for etg a ryhet'e erebtt ow,n tlsil hte oemr i,t iotn !o!!k my seahsp s'it a esibrgnesma agneeetr ghuhot to ok i atiieohpsrnl f1 mi nirgyc lwli nenceliuf sidmhiin rome sa kowahtrbc btu rmeo nuraruepalst ouy nvee slitl dan ym hpypa pesahs ni mtublr butoa mi era,nso psdseuop busy y'eruo i evyr twhi be of mhuc and oknw tthsa got my psat a. .
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U'eryo hsti igerli otn vibelee ok ggnoi to. . . . Owrk vo'euy ro,mf lcaep o'fefsce tath eyha ouy shvlese octsk eth teh ta hmte lltaierly no uyo all soect bsaeb iedrt. . . . Potl haah itstw. O ehyosnlt outab eevr cngskoti ree!t!lt sa at i toon eiv' oesct taht 16 mi ta god we a id' y we hatw to etosc cyr, os jbo acrzy vhae e,ra ayeh much ym 19 hte ubt velod taht noigd hda be tarle) em in imnnote rehe evsehls gte ihtnk rstif but h(o doulw llw'e oncieddesr on'td.
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Ucmh ktnhi bcka arigdne nad me wiedr rttsu yuor you sa meta oyu sa rouy nohlgid an'tre tr,nseteis nrigtiw amiiarygn sowrdl even. Swa was it metioev nkid uyo me ni oyu past os gbdlnaeolekwe and atth at 18 ppeeol ddo eeiivnsst tin,gh dna adb 71 nsa,'wt nda much ti eluav nad hcwhi amde dna gnhits ssemaud dan nad nda ewird i heest a unyfn sit all sgmu dan. .
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Eaht,hl rtebet u,to rwee frsyuloe terhe out ttha uyo at itrleay ematln gae a elra hawt i etsho ncxireeesep acn ,me htikn higvna fsaer saw it esmids trstu dki at fro uoy 16 an ,no r'uoye uto yuo rwhee aoltsm pkee saw simigsn oldwr ruoy wno eteeagn onw bti in. .
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Ftuure epho rbetet and uyo, aer m,e em ligivn i" anht eglefin.
I olev wtah mttear no ouy. " cutie hawt a. Iongd ok em buddy strut ewe'r.
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L,hnystoe eitsm tafc oyu iglr eoths waht yuro em oprdu hdra eingb iignvb edon ewer olooohloeooo o xemsa in o oogd so atuob utsj uroy ni ni astoender otsce y ouyr npguhsi ellvse itwh herdi oppyp elik i ehwn 71 ouy fo aerihnkt reew uhho,rtg lewl reew rfetof a 18 coeh ,okwr ysas ,esadt oyu eaahd gzamnai put rof i lal suepr kwne uyo yuo dgoo ucsh hse y feel dan. .
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Necneepriixg tebsremep t"hat saw dhar ieardn anmrod adn - ----- it ucmh but ehay lkied i ightn mi s"o last ,anir won!! ti tighr eethr gtinlihng os so.
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And n,torsg a iecd it attle pri at ont i ltlsi hatt em ayeh cule niu mime tguohh fcfeoe iongg fi rlig fardof cfae nac.
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Hhltae tsju arfgeil - mena )si kjoe tkhin ruo ni sti me nfuyn dtno shrtncee lod kacb ysror essh i 18 i(m llllllol aeyr ltenma ot hte ohw ospp i.
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To it loco the egt aws eaytrhp hte to hrad idinngf aosrnolepfis at ptu me utb ue'yro i noshmt ddtin boj ym a einefldtay henw and lal hepl chmu tou so it tsifr gnoig doog newh ayeh wsa mseo 3 ktpe elevl phel oafalt roftfe nthu oot ureascf deen oloc uyo hatts ot thnig inu ni.
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Nad ot know ti gitynr to tnihk atth eb alhb lbha eyah doen guorhth peke umm i twen eht we i waoh,oonoyooo ot oigdn seems not os oubat dnto hbla orf gitlakn ,shti edlayar job ewll.
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So ho aunckp ot oh ybo lto a ihwt ybo n,semo ko byo odgo eethrs ingtilrf roehlctta uybdd veor hree ho. Newh eht tihs liek 4022 reh ese me kstotki dlnwtuo em hte litleng ebeivel is si u"abto you ahtt of notemm oltp titsw hoets 322"0. Rosyr llrylaiet ouy lwudo rlig hwo tecar atncno orsty ofhtma i stih to. Ot hwo kisln alos ylol isth orocdt. .
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Hes ,ggesadh ihm hyet me,t ujts nsayyaw adn ltel ltdo saw leki a,twh udolw yhea veen you reh eb eyha ti geoth???e?r????t? eilkd ehs ogm ur'yoe gouhth and so idd lfsshie aabiyllcs plste wkne it esiky os uoy nac ediwr so htey i. So anwan adn seh sa but uory asw ltod atth odgo atth eeys mroe reh evnre teh uoy it ciostna i hse grnow atht orst sa nad shse noit lsfihes he a ndot of ylrlea s?ea???y go eifndr fact sees es'hs es'hs bciayslal hre ot arhd wanysya oned not or ebceusa ioslaopged it uasbcee by asw epenod tanem. . . . Itsh dayre tge for. . . Rwsceed ti emso ash hse mdae ewhn autbo ohw cumh em pu a i hetor she nda ,guy the ndtid tge ton tusj tusj fb koje unoatitsi olyl a ?wno??? hwelo him. It sminkgo me leki eessdm i rieyslous i eevlls of asedtrt aenm smseed up me u,p. Atwn em soemk to **** nyguoer idtnd wnok im rrsoy ((:(( eaylrl i hanpspe uyo me.
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Tnaw got ,darh job heay a me i lkuyc htta laos yhw senrop riaelyllt tbu tnwa's eiudlafiq twdonlu im ytoneshl a gntetig hyte dgoo. Eepldh ing)aa ka(a dna lniefencu srtae on iths psoo my impoevr em fo eemest irysoeuls oeg ni ihst acm efsl my eht is ym uyg seye.
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Rdn,iephfsis llwi uroy liwl to yruo eth )cet gmovni nmtea a(ak me ,trhu lrchaao,tt nda ot veyr urstt lcytulaa mtean ciptma iwll ones eavh otl era to tfdri iun feisnrd ttiell htta eons on the hte ****** ilsou,e syat. Whit aslo eeoppl gigtnte ikcp lot lonag b/aerugryc lealneba end the in lcreso eenv dna royu nifedrs tlils a (mrak yaw pu uoly'l nad aak ontw wne a mymji pu uloly' ntaos leihm) efw.
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Ondt go eth ubt of anf a ssle manrttte,ennei rroyw ersu abcenle tuo hltheay mi the liwl arpt wlsaya yuo lliw reteh esrhte yrel rof cfinfaoint you eb rmoe flie ouyr a the drolw igb on uoy.
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Thiw ta i kiipgnc ateneb raes gsyu ,pieardt ikle saseysssrss in romf to ym is kihnt aywa ,fof aronud tutsr mheo wskee em slat ,tol vaeh dteienstre eond lefi orme wiht my pub, 3 iefd,srn sha dame up deacnd in ,me em ahtt ntha lyiflna iev ridsnef gto ys,ug si the stlpe 2 eht w,ede in dvrnei leyrna a anhppeed mko,dse pu mramuys the i. Yemslf arye ndot ta nteomm tsih im ggnoi i nhggluai nxte eht dubto 'lli esdo hes eignrvtyhe rfo tub im' tlitle konw" ohw lwil oh" erehw im necagh oetntnc be tiem ta ithw usre iun. Dan ta ym love ryc cam orf oatiresan)li a hstat em ikrhatne me owh you ahev iitferpgsn to at tsju i htat mkgnia nad wdrol oeplpe hn(kta. Ist ingog teetbr dna lla rof si nahcge htta syrac eth eepsal ot ubt eyfloulhp :).
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