A letter from Jul 13, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Its July 13th 2023. The last 7 months. This year has changed me. I’ve changed. I’ve become more adapt to society. I think im starting to fit in. I never wore makeup last year. The first time I put on mascara was when it snowed and since then I have it on nearly everyday. I wear subtle makeup. Not a lot. I met up with a boy on Sunday. I would’ve NEVER done that before. Id never met him before. I mean we started talking a week before then so not long at all. I feel like I’m just trying to feel loved. Like someone wants me. Before him there were some others but they obviously didn’t end well. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but Boys just dont seem to like me. I overthink a lot. I get attached easily. I don’t want him to feel put off. I don’t know much about him. I don’t really know if he is a good guy. He seems it, he’s really funny and he seems interested. Yet I don’t know if he’s like this with other girls. If he has other girls. And I wouldn’t put it past him. I’m so delulu sometimes. The second a meet a guy who’s funny and nice, i picture my life with them and then when it doesn’t work out in the 2 weeks I know them I get depressed and start questioning my life. I can get distracted about how **** I feel if I have something else to keep my company, someone else. We are supposed to hang out today but i isn’t really know if we are going to. Its 1pm and he probably still hasn’t woke up. Or maybe he has and he is ghosting me. I wish I could mind read. I hate not knowing what other people think because then I think of many other reasons why they acted that way. He seems distant or is it because he’s busy? Maybe it’s not him but me, have i became more clingy since we last hung out. Is that the reason he hasn’t seen me since Sunday. He seemed like he had a good time. I don’t know but I want to know. I will continue in this spiral my whole life. I can’t change it, its how I was brought up. If you have 7 siblings of course you’re gonna have attachment issues.