A letter from Jun 27, 2023

Dear FutureMe, heyyyy. just want to vent in here. so basically i have an extremely bad relationship with food and my body. i’m on my way to repair it. almost 3 years ago someone told me i had a really weird eating schedule/diet and i laughed at them and thought they were crazy. i’m just now realizing that those behaviours were somewhat connected to anorexia and bulimia! fun fun. i’m 63kgs right now but i want to be 55kgs by the end of summer maybe? i think i would just feel better about myself. i want to be active and not an unhealthy “i want to lose weight” mindset. it would come from a place of “i want to be epically healthy and strong for dance”. i think that eating clean, working out, and running will help me reach my goal. i’m so prone to hurting my body that i think i’ll just stick with yoga and going to walks and bike rides for a little while. i’ll try to work up to working out 3 days a week and running 3 days a week. i’m hoping to be strong for dance so my jumps and turns improve this year. i want to get my seconds and fouettés possibly triples as well. i also hope to get 180 on my right jete and improve my form and technique on my bruschnicoff. this year i hope to improve the most i ever have. so i’m going to start with getting physically stronger and fit so i can focus on getting the best technique i can achieve. also, no comparing yourself to others okay? i know that’s a hard goal for you but let’s dial back the amount of comparison that happens. also quit it with the thigh comparison, literally who cares. i know you do deep down and you’re just not willing to admit it but you do care and stop. all that to say, i hope to get some sort of therapy over the summer before school. i should also get tested for adhd because i’m like 99.9% sure you have it. my old therapist assured me i don’t have it but it’s way more internalized in girls than it is guys. and last time i checked i was a girl so…? who knows. on that note, how’s it going with the *********?? first it was pansexual then it was lesbian then it was asexual panromantic now i’m like 80% sure it’s aro-ace but honestly i have no clue. i don’t really care to be honest because i’m time i’ll figure it out but i’m just spitballing here. and how is that letter thing working between you and gabs? good, i hope? i know it sucks not being able to talk to her this summer but i think it will strengthen the friendship somehow? distance make the heart grow fonder or some bull saying like that. who even came up with that crap?i think that they were crazy coming up with that. alsoooooo, (i know i’m jumping ships very randomly and i’m talking no specific order buuuut…) how was TAYLOR FREAKING SWIFT IN CONCERT?!?!!!?! i’m calling it now that you cried. you also lost your mind. i mean it was already gone but it’s LONG GONE now. hehehe i hope it was a blast. was your goal met? did you actually meet her? i would cry for you right now if you did even though you already had experienced it. haha i don’t really know how grammar works both past and present because it’s past, present and future i’m talking about so i honestly don’t know. i’m hoping you had an amazing summer you won’t forget and that your year is wonderful. -me 🩷