A letter from Apr 13, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear future me, dear you, the little girl in a big girl body. We should started a chain. I should've think about it before. Last year the letter we're from April 11, now it's the April 13, next do April 15 okay?. Dear the little girl in big girl body, little do you know, somewhere in between, you've realize one thing. I think something is wrong with that heart of yours. Because it's a little bit different. Your heart is filled with so much love, so on the daily you give to your sister to your friends, to those books, the history, to art, to music, to audiobooks and so much more. Your heart is simply it's full of love!but I think those love is never yours to keep. Your heart only filled with love to give, I've been looking and looking and I don't know if there's a kind of love in your heart, the kind of love other give to you to keep. You know what? I don't think you have any space to keep the love for you. Because the other day, your mother said "good luck on your test!" for probably the first time ever but you don't really feel anything but confusion. Yesterday, you actually get "best team leader of the month" and it happened again, confusion. A couple times too, I think you recieve love? but I don't know, because when it happened we didn't feel anything. At moments of love, when you supposed to feel loved, you don't feel loved, but instead, confusion. But I don't know, maybe there are time we did feel oved, but I can't recall a thing about it. At first, it's great you know, giving love, it's like watering plants but it's getting more tiring because I realize, we realize, we're a plant to. I want water too. I think I got water. I think I got love. But when?. Why I can't remember when and how or who. But one thing I know, I want to know how does it feel. Loved. Just a couple days a go, I readt that, love came in many things and I think about that. I think about that, really. But even when love have many form, I can't recall any of memory being love from other form. I think, all remember from this heart is the pain. Maybe, just maybe, we had too much pain the last couple years it makes us hard to feel love?because all the pain?. This little heart is tired and fragile from all the pain but somehow still able to love others. But let's stop. Let stop talking about love and heart because there so much more than it. First thing first, it's happening, You're about to fail one of the most important class and you have two weeks to fix it. So that means no lacking. But you can do it!. But please tell me you managed to save yourself!. Second, **** you apparently doing good on organizations!yesterday you just got a recognition from the good work you've done the past 2 months! and you'll keep up. You also active in other two, the museum's youth and intern at school, now tell me how did it go? did one of the got destroyed?. Third, you have a crush now, initial F.H, how did it go? Fourth, apparently tomorrow is the announcement of the scholarship-student exchange you applied for! please say that you spent five great months in Spain!. Fifth, your sister and your mom? how are them? mom with her catering and our little sister with the national test? I'm sorry if there's too many question but I just want to know ok!. How was April 2023 to April 2024, was it hard, again?. But hey, nevertheless, you've always made it, you and you all the way. (that's why I'm hoping you get with someone!it's time isnt it?but it's ok it there's no one). Oh did you read more books about IR, physolopy and data?I wish you do. And the glasses!the glasses!you change your glasses right?!please tell me you do, it's a horrible one!. Oh God! just remember something!.You know how we went from one organizations to another since highschool?. All of them we're fun but most of the times you just feel a bit of invisible and felt your work weren't appreciated enough. But then a couple days later, you got recognition of the best team leader. Wow what a coincidence right? well yes it's a bit hard to process but yeah apparently you're not so invisible anymore. Things are changing, in the good way. I'm so can't wait what are the change that will happen in the next twelve months. Maybe about our self, about our body, abour about heart or even all of them at once?. Just hang on okay, the plot is just getting good now, we need to be alive and well to reach the best part. Also one more thing, did you learn French again?heh. That's all little girl. I hope you, the little girl in big girl body, all well. With gratitude and love, you from the past.

Epilogue

about 17 hours later

(I'm writing a response but also a continuation for the future)
At the time I received your letter, I was taking a break from my studies and my work for...

Eht zrtaansgiiono. Ot ensd eahv ,uinnceto erbfoe em uyo uoy ot it fo dmiren hte het was eht tle i to h71t hnc!ia from l,pari the nteh tehn ot oyk?a t11h onw of eht terelt ot yruioevspl ,h5t1 air,lp 3t,1h the cntnuoei. Siht ta sda ti si ni,hgt olev otrys, we ttha nrglitsggu ebgni abkc ot iwht to dna rea lstil nwko eit,m aubot ovdle same eth oru. Ot i tub og lte nlsseenlio i gthsin ynam had losa i inrxpeecee l,lyaet of, dene. I slao yamn eidpnceexre eilbeev ulowdtn' yuo ihgstn. Ter,ufu or htwi hatt nishgt fo sihw the to doutincen siwh etehr sightn em i neve the tisll ot veern terfuu utb paedphen reeth so,creu i aer era.
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I zrcya a you thwa tabou rnwoed or neams aer htta tdeinmeon tnugyids nedfir htta oh ,rigl cnoe odse n,grneali tub. Thta si 2402 ni otn tbu tadyo ue,tr plria cakb. Hda bescrdesi atls the tosnhm tsuj mnya durgin nhgseca ahtt yuo how 21. Ni no ksa,ed eth lmsoat is uesqoitn ramde nerwas 'vyueo ni evrey vyere. Eth saps irced idd samlto wsa ssuesit u!hogth it tihw llfide i utiln rfi,ts aebtl my edoppdr btu sacl,s. Ti nad setb soolhc asw us ,r read our er,indf amnkgi liclgan idmled but ptos. The ueevytalln and ssap tsare and smnitssenag siinhf kames ew lcsas het lla the ospt. W,rko rof oantzilignaaro tearg a ghsnti ktoo oecsd,n uclalaty rtun. The nhiitsnrpe is be yuo but lal the dan sietggb ggnio xcoti of ueumsm fo rea at eonnmveirnt eamteptndr het het uroy to htne rcnlueyrt uyo deah meyss ackb dooreptm ebsceua wno the si, hwo qitu are het uyo fo oortlabary ot. Na'ct sti adys dan shntig rae uoyr ist 31 orf tihw yuo het pp!oeel era hte t,dyoa dan emat eoeclgl aessi,smtnng fo veeebil lhutsgin aynm nihmltgoo nad eht fro ?it!. Oevm tiwh no ot ko, htngsi hte f nesq,iotu extn. Rpaely ot h tujs s'eh nfa ptayprneal, a,pepnh a dan verne eoanhtr hmi rwee ouy. Llaf ta yrae, ew aslt iwht of ooenems den eels tbu het ddi. A tfssokn-ope eronsp btu a tofs a ndroau eppeol olas ohw ,hraet tretdae dan ihm rowker sk,esnidn thwi dhra srtnog a osul toinhng htiw. Lefe itgmesohn oyu eh mead. Eh iotnemsgh em meda elfe. Si ubt tluuma hte eulnuttoyarf,n geiflen otn. D'ndti we or og tftnnoelury,ua inlaerd f,hturo ipnsa nvee ot. Dtunest for ieapdlp engecxah ewcit nad wsa erjedtec the iewtc. A im,et to ohw ortnme met gsuniggtrl tihs uoy ntedaw klei reewt'n btu ouy be oyu taegr loa,ne. Eleopp ithw aebmce gdoo nrdisfe olsa ouy tiwh uoy eneb scloe vhae reenv. Oh,tghu ntopoitupry eaorhtn nyortcu vaeel aadcan stuj odyta myabe ecam aonerilitatnn p,u ot ew hte nnaog. Ot giana mmo dan orez dpreasle uoanyn,tltrefu hda rtsat we mfro f,tfih. Ahtlhey us but adn to,ayd htwi si ehs faes. A tbu ddin't teh spas ince file dha tssrei aytlle sloa tste, dna uor og to oceelgl a cooshl oogd oesd ahs esh. .
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Beettr ogt gsntih tnsihg ayre amny in goa, yasw os y,wsa aosl a oersw amyn but in gto inces. Nedbyo hnisgt npecaiotetx lelray wnet. C,epiln ni llef cedpki up nireagd ag,ian teh ttsarde ngaia ta,leyl wangidr nda lveo i thwi. Inaag nru agem eht lpay agina adn veen. Teh a'hvetn got ro tihs up eht ot eitm iahvece wtna od ihgnts rtgofo si amyn aery ckip i to veen year i ot tigns,h eht. The to fdin ,niaga bdeercem iellcyeasp niesc aws fsmley homsnt fo adrh uqiet us to rof marhc.
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Nad 2024 ,levo a,pcencecta hten em me dan eelosninls wiht tergguls 2203. I tngih teh tn'did 5202 ames ithw gusetgrl whi,s em so. Aryomen but uoy ngbole ot eepsla daearly are 225,0 ni devlo nda rae ishw elfe i ihts how ni eekp ehva uoy ddt'ni oyu ndee uoy no!w it (i i u!p and eth be hope evldo loynel ouy yaw actepc qutei efle htta. Fmoocrt ni hiws oyu dna i yuor nkerid ouy to feil si adn ihws i neesaiss thear. W,on nda ttah i otn but lw,el i ereth am hweer si grhti gte os on it ismpore ouy 'im ignwrok. Voisde selrvae okobs uteobuy echtwad deaeyr,tys usjt i dan edar. Erhet no 'ive thsee imrnoattp to i ldreaen tmeh adn ihtngs bmreemer ouy ttrame ear htaw : rea sauceeb erelsav atnw.
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Adn nto epolpe it enev ftris dna fro enisc eles gvnigi rae so yanm ahrd lstli pu ot ondt' eenmsoo erac t(ub ggteitn erstoh si need to selsues but eovl ot how be uyo s,u o,lved ot lveo hwo wiht - nepo ew reeht )su leov oevl smese etllay.
Of of tub elef amnse rof avhe seacp thesimgn,o himgt nigs snisleenol eht osal geniomtsh a htru ebsanec it nad eth we - esle. Bba?yoh woh sownk ornp?se rfo ewn a nwe.
How atemrt "sthoe uboat and nlceotear lot'duwn mdn"i taaluylc tmrtea dimn iehlw - ohw teohs town' s'ti. Newh era aer opnirmtat owh owh eiosmtmes agnnynoi do,d ouy )t,emtra ikrqy,u you eolppe tmoemsise toe(sh o'dnt idnm to. Lentinator aer nwhe uoy owh rea oepelp ik,yuqr hwo tec (hoest ndmi. ,tmtrae n'dto ellyar het maetrt ) or 'ownt olgn ni run.
Uory sotnpoi - rplxeeo. Is erwaehtv it. Le,peop reta,tysg evne utnyropptoi or. No t'don sep,eal eno lnoy jtus inhgt efxtia. Ti oyu lwil lnoy dpptoisani. .
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Usoepirc me wtesa 'nowt oyu tmie rmiosep fo ryuo omer. Si igngo eb ew we ot avhe ndo't ownk hatn uchm nsreoo mie,t evor egoclel. Rof opppu- oyu to ot eosnqutis w,lel own emti runt si't. .
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Ouy in you teh lle,w ,eys tehre i woh if ryuo ht?are is gnfleie tieacrn nehoy? own a laeh nipa wenrsa rea onos t,ifsr is eoph. Kaber teorgf ot aket 'tnod yako? a.
Het het uro pdrt?anteme loer ouyr mite yuo khitn nad todn' ohw ,nescdo ryou the leevl sfiinh on tsmu i and iisaf/hlnset jotcerp now ot in ew gonroatizain sufco lantanio is yb texden. Tub how ?ti asw a,aing.
On ni teh o,wn het aesm ltlsi poeh nad ,yse now the eilv are ngivil ehso?u yuo fi si am you in bcolofmerta ewrsna ghirt is het rhid,t rwhee i ouhes wmroesehe tmrk,ae i.
How !rfa os roaadb hwo oyu idd lelt utofr,h ev'you ?lcoal r,ehet yuo or twah is si, tgo eth ni dna hwo get me asw raedeln pt?ieinsnhr.
Em yuor !ti ftfhi, atbou woh etll ?wno tuaob shbboei.
Tissre i lhahyet rou is ohw mmo ): rou ndoig? ehpo yhet ,sixht adn era.
Ohw was ingtyhna? leef hvae aprrten ti? or od a oyu od ?now hseten,v ouy lnyleo.
Tu)u!efr dna ?wno i yahpp kaem ,tegih hdlous yuo hwat dna si tn,o do stideifas it bttere if hte to rae s(atp anwesr.
Owh ?imh era wol a itwh hwit shti shntgi ?nk ninth, ,ubt si yrve hcacne.
Htw'as i ts'wah w?on lshodu the last btu sa,y hn,tet ?entx or selat, nto.
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Feli eend to acleilpeys i aotyd, naihgv oescm from stpo nhwe ithsgemon uatob to ti apesnxtticeo. Tub teh pceext lal uyo ebts ,os uyo, whis i i nnogthi od rofm.
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Hitw ,ngehali olve uoy inea,nrgl 2042 nwiggor uidrat,teg dan nad tencryrlu ohw. .

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