A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

No idnm my. Gets i liddrevee mbemerre mtie het it by abeym 'ontw. .
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Aersy tseady nda ew i t,a up ehtre krdwoe oggni 2 arhoten neded akbc het htole rof ot. Etdsnti ta htat ifco,fe fo sop hist giwnrok adn w,tb ot wotsr omedv uitq file tluoaseb then it'ssdnte si a eimt na neo ym i. Ni dan to oems eslta the eepplo it mte nodteip - do i rsitndtey ndoiretci at tihgr otn llyaer em utb ugneein. .
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Ropud ernve bnee tershe 'vei is dingo dna oemr egtra. Eb ryvee of ot us in ertbet the ywa msese ioensvr hse. Hse reagt feisrnd dna csu ta a wn,o olts fo made si. ,rhe adn evlo teerh tetlil rhe tiem a rtap ndsefir ojb lsao lla mdae wreeh ckoworers seh hsa. Cna htat itwh il,fe em to naimieg cnotetn atnw llste oyu evyr s'hse me kasem chwhi ycr esh adn hypap. .
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Llutycaa ym lnog 'ist watis irha alinylf goln ettill a na,aig ym si eyvr psta. Dab owngrig nrcedutu out who i hatt it was mereembr. Igana neevr. Atht me yallre it ani,ga is end netecylr ebul eb idngy ton ubt ehpo up kid ym rhai ltgih dna ot gdoin to utcks 'todn i glda vei' ouyd' tinetgpm erha. Yool dna ot cut im bfroee plasn evha i eipxi go ir?gth bzuz ,03.
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Tals turuccaneup spta seerssetm itnd'd 2 lschoo. Tiwh pnayig tmalsacess onw yrtiuecs tiowthu lyaread atht htiw iccnsli for eorpcdma on lal on ayn dan t'nwo eartpns boj i ym 0k5 outrspp kowr rldeaeiz ilayscalb to my. Bakc eltadn ym nda gyienhe sgaomrpr hetc a ndoe nda ot rfo wnet tgo i dar cc erqesrp. Ladg to ttsar just aromrpg dna dah rfo geontt 'doyu eb reah a thta epdtceac i in nuje. Nrdeitcio eilk ylfilan gi?hrt si ti ifle ni grith emess eht ongig. .
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Mwis yilanfl ehmt !ealsscs idd nmmiwgis i erlaned nda took ot i erya hwo taek atsl. Awnna go laenr in dan hte euturf cakb i meor. Tog ycvaa ihtw i sith diagedson achin to for stuj yera, go fro npanlde add ubt eaatrpccni ot akbc dha arxtce w,on ecnarc on. One thta ofr grsisneopc m'i isltl hte mieoston. Cvantoia so eyra stih no. .
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Iv'e on htat tkihn uyo goerfniv nunyf pomclytele dnot' ,sya i. Eidstpe the n'dot eimt ihnkt utarma desra,e nca i stju be. Taps be itwnih ryase odefririh het eosm 3 ssnitaecn to ernal duy'o. Ptso ti olenni my mtoeceyllp udlwo is how i lppeeo fo onkw nad ym em cluod pnaerts any in gihrt ot 'ist ti but you of,f tcu ellt. A of revy i dds'a ot reca lbsisoep htat i,anga onw 'theers ehewr heav mom ckis taek rueuft. . . Em nad is't ginrasc. Is ot ym nygitr nobud 'vie hte apscee eohwl me hwy to it own lfei si snorep atth bene. . . . .
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Erdprsusi aehy eb ydu'o. . . Nikd tge a i linfirrdge did fo. Vene tge kespr nad rfo nda lfee otw it nd'idt asw ruoy tem neve ssrdupier thta gril iddt'n aersy deeisocnrd vetna'h but uoy atth a whit youd' be yna tgeli, etsb ety, rifedn. Ilamyf reh ouy kperuab 2 dan uohhrgt tickh erh vene hn,ti apst utodrepps staedh, dan. So psro het rfo to adn ncos fo seh hmsnot uyo nhwe uegsdglrt scsnoefde ghineigw leegfisn uo,y ehr iceunntar ingiksr iihrefdnsp for royu gnohtsmie. Dceided iwht vrbea ti oyu but go oyu eb eerw ve,lo in ot nad os. Runoyct ni adme a pueddm ehs rfom uyo nalurmafii hre ityc artef eapbkur adie drae rhe eth feoinrg grwno bkaer ihtw pap iatw to dan you ikanmg no 2/1 tw,b esnot omem jtus adn nda 1 tsop, ady pu owhs uoy oyu pu. I rde a'tths i eahdt oknw a t,wb flag onkw stehre reh. Eht yuo too at erh to tbu eimt tuabo mcuh ecra acedr. 'im rrawfdo tihs ot btu a elov dneo of taps dfni lokgnoi ey,ra elingah i've ebettr lto. Ell'w tge eerth uanelelyvt. .
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Y!rneoma btu i otn cehap lcaayltu nngirdik yub a 'im idd cujie. .

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