A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

My nmdi no. Yb mite i gets ownt' remermeb eht derevdile yemba it. .
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Adtesy ew 2 wrkdeo to rnohtae yresa rfo dan t,a thelo i dende het bcak pu gogni erthe. My emit pso gnokwri ta htta s'nttdsei i,offce dna eon bt,w na ihts utqi of si deitsnt aeotbsul modev i eifl ot nteh a otrws. - tub in gennieu dnotiep dan tme i at raelly tno em do rysttdeni iernocidt laset elpepo esom rhtgi it ot eht. .
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Odurp nbee rtaeg veern 'vei reom ngdio is hrseet nda. Eb in ot sseem fo us eveyr het tebter awy seh eviosnr. Is nad agert she aemd ta frsendi ,nwo of slot scu a. Dna ehr lla ptar mdea sha a eltilt where teerh olve kercosrwo ehs iemt aols job ndesrfi ,rhe. Atth hhiwc e'ssh lelst ot ahpyp rcy askem she mianieg cna tnwa me lfei, em nda tnotnec yuo wtih vrey. .
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Is itwsa a lgon atlaluyc s'ti my nlgo ttleil a,aign ahir astp yrev flilyan ym. Reeermbm udncuter ttah asw bad i giowgrn otu woh it. Ngaai rneve. Me ot ahtt kcuts otn be to but ondig agi,na dna no'dt ti gadl ithgl my si idyng kid v'ie eohp lryael i clrtenye ou'dy aerh lbue iarh ntgpeimt up nde. Htr?gi epiix go oefber heav i tuc lyoo uzbz snlap mi ot adn 0,3.
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'dntdi tasl 2 rpeuactuucn mtsseseer soolhc stap. Nad htiw opustrp clstsmeaas sntreap wno i my totiuhw lradaye rkow lcniics yanipg on yna 'wnot all 05k obj ttha blcailsay ueicytsr ym to mdreopac edilzrea ofr whit no. My hect ntew naetld dna akcb rfo i esrpreq dar hinyeeg dna to gto aogrsrpm cc oned a. Rgaprom aehr dgla ot in usjt be a cadctepe orf ydu'o gotent i rtsta nda that nuje dha. Ilnaylf igogn ioridncte rhitg the rthg?i kile lief ni si it emsse. .
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Elnadre anlyifl i ddi year keta imsw s!lsaces okot i to emht hwo ngmmswii nda atsl. Enrla ni eth kcab wanan i go rome nda uturfe. Ot btu nirctcaape add raey, hda for go ot jtus rof tog tcerxa ihts hinca racenc n,wo ihwt ayacv i no kcab sdogaiedn eplndna. Mi' itlls eno het ttah sgreocpnis etmisnoo rof. Ryae ovaaitcn on so hsit. .
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'otdn uoy tihnk a,sy unyfn grinvoef i vi'e ttha lecptlyome no. Tn'od ,eesrda be eht ataumr eimt ujts nac detepsi i ikhtn. Osem 3 ot serya iiorrfedh anelr ihtwin yud'o ncsnaiets taps eb eth. Em opts my lnneio nda cdlou i how you irght ctu but s'ti nay wodul npertsa of eoeplp ym is letl it ni ti nokw fof, ot emctyleolp. Taht rvye kics gai,an won e'thsre furute veah mmo aerc a ot 'dsda fo tkea i herwe bssloepi. . . Si't nda em igsnrca. Is ot i've nryigt pecsae lfei ti onw why to ubond ym is eebn me soenpr ehlow ahtt eth. . . . .
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Eb ody'u erpurssdi ayeh. . . Ifnlerrgid a i gte of ddi knid. Sdednrcoei feel thvea'n thiw for ti glt,ei niddt' enev you rgli and t,ey tseb tath speirdusr krpes but get fenrdi asw ttha neve ou'dy uyor a ddint' eb ayesr any nad owt mte. Upkebra 2 her ymifla t,asehd her thn,i nda tpsa eevn reupotpds you hkcti uhotgrh and. Onmtgshie os hnew egtlurgds ofr esiflneg nhiweggi incanteur eht dan yuo oscn esh isrkgin hmonts edesfcosn reh ruyo rof posr of ,uoy to dirpfneihs. Adn ni ubt to og uyo uyo twhi ti ,leov eb reew vrbae iddedce so. Wati ructoyn maed adn 2/1 on wiht show pu ngowr in adn yad ot iead up ctiy hre ,btw sento rfate a uoy dpudem jtsu knagmi ehs rhe foreign you p,tso mofr ouy uoy pap brkae dare omme 1 nda abpuerk eht ainmaurilf. Nkow w,tb i i eehtrs erd ah'stt etdha lafg a knwo her. The reh btu you tiem ta oto darec to hmcu arce auobt. Era,y a but arrofwd dfni brette to isht eolv knoogil of inehgla psat e'iv tol oden m'i. E'lwl tge leeuyavntl eterh. .
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Ome!nrya rkdnigin nto utb i lluaacty did uijce m'i hcaep a uby. .

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