A letter from Feb 02, 2023

To Future Calleigh, First off, happiest birthday. You turn 18 today. Hopefully, heading to college. Life has been very unstable these past few years. Maybe it’s my awareness and logic inserting itself in every situation possible. How my brain thinks about the unthinkable, remember things that are supposed to be just lived and learn, not remembered. Maybe even thinking about possibilities, the ones that have a chance of happening to the ones that are very unlikely. I know I get better at understanding everyday. We were very idiotic back then. In some ways, we’re getting better. The questions are slowly getting answered, even if it adds more questions, but that’s just the way it is. I haven’t found the people I can be my full self with, the ones we hoped for back in middle school. I hope you have a better chance. I’m supposed to move to another school in about 5 months. You’re supposed to graduate from there. I’m fighting my way through all of this constant mess so you can be happier. There should be a better chance of you finding friends there, ones who haven’t gossiped about you over things you did and didn’t do. I would ask what college we’re attending, but I’m actually petrified you’ll say we didn’t get into any of our choices and ended up at a local community college. I have had plans to go abroad for a few years now, to escape and find better surroundings for myself. I wouldn’t know how you feel right now since you’re in my future, but I just want you to do what feels right. Find some form of happiness. But some restrictions I will give you are to not smoke, no doing drugs, and refrain from committing illegal things that would get you deported. Feel alive but stay alive. Good luck with the future and let me worry about the past. I’ll try not let it get to me much longer while you go figure out your higher education. May the odds be ever in your favour, Past Calleigh