A letter from Jan 03, 2023

Dear FutureMe, i just finished reading my other letter. lately all i’ve been saying is i love you. and i do. i really really do love you. just wanted to gently this out the way–i still adore billie. but i don’t want to make her the center of attention, like at least not right now. she’s her and i’m me. (fyi we did not go to the concert unfortunately, but when we DO…) okay right now now. i’m in the bathroom bleeding my life out and it’s 4:30 am. it only feels like like i’m bleeding my life out, jesus god i am not dying. i’m a senior. just woke up from a dream about me getting accepted into college. starting a new part of life ig. i’m drowning in school but trying to change that. that’s all i want to talk about right now now i might come back. last year was everything i could have asked for. not just in age but i know that i’ve grown tremendously. big words. i was sad in my last letter. the turning point of 21 to 22 really did a lot for me. compared 2022 was better but harder in some ways. i got a job. two. a summer one. well one for the summer and one for only a week. gonna forever say that was a good week. i was accepted into a dual enrollment program. i ended up getting a c. if i did my paper i don’t know. i know amazing people. the older i gotten the more i miss my mother. really her. i’m going through a lot of changes and it’s hard with her not around. honestly. i know a lot of people with out a mom. it still hurts. i think about how i miss my little sister and she’s in the same house as me. i did a lot of community service too. it feels good. i had 4 crushes. one girl three boys. ew. dirty dilf white men is where it’s at anyways. swear to god i got a septum piercing and i love it. still trying to get over on the hurt he caused me. just realized i had never said his name i don’t think. or his. there’s still a plethora of things i want for my life. for myself. maybe because it’s so early in the day but i don’t have any will to spill every single thing in me. i deleted twitter and instagram. not like i’m off it but i deleted it off my phone. it’ll feel good to just say that. to someone who cares. i will get a lover this year. WATCH. anyways i’m feeling good at this exact moment. learning everything. like nothing ever goes to plan. but that’s okay if it doesn’t. the only thing i owe is myself. i’m gonna get a job in 3 months. that’s just about it. i still love music and i love that for me. i’m odd and i love that. i feel like this is all over the place and i have the urge to end it here…it’s fitting for me. way more than last year and deep down that’s what i wanted. i’m rabbling in text. bye love <3.