Dear Ni,
you there? Didn't die? Impressive really.
Today I am struggling. I am struggling because I don't think I've ever felt so alone. Because my friends have best friends but I don't. Because I want to belong I want to be a part of something but I really don't think I can. I thought I had found my people but apparently I didn't. Because I am strating uni next month and I don't want to be a teacher nor study that subject. Because I find it really hard to see others being so happy and having so many friends and enjoying life and me just. just surviving.
i wanted to write to you because I don't believe you'll be any different. Because maybe you'll be dead. Because maybe you are better ?
I hope you aren't alone. It really sucks.
With Love,
Past Ni
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Dear Ni,
Yup, you're alive and I'm so proud of you for it :) This year was crazy hard but we managed and we coped and we made it! So...
Ynol eno inlgelt so, fo nswigaern umch etg yrou tbuoa ouy emso hutiotw nda hneeppad mero a,yre oessuitqn ni lief l,yade ot sha 'tlse.
Oyu losa lr,tfyis yodta ear gisuggrltn. The deyervya you adn lats of egrtdlusg yaer. Ear yh,ea texar scuaebe of sgrnot tihs so ew. Aems unfny its' ot haa tgnurggisl ees eerw' gtsinh dan htat iwth eht. Nreve eosm gihsnt ssgeu gcanhe. .
Uyo het yuo lstli efel yelonl of nto aneol msot ubt rae mteis. Yuo sisfnebrtde aer eitrh tub ruoy era seitnedfrb otn difnesetbsr uroy. Uyo ilslt taht rtbohse. Uyo hte even era when roudna oyu yuo nto'd thhoug veardyye etmh tbu you nfu dna sefrind zimnaag tmeh most evah ktla whit ehva aosl. Eohm gbnri uyo htey. Is dna tobau invgytereh ttah.
Aprt gensimoth a elfe rllaye otdn' tlils uoy fo. Eht easm ta ubt ietm. . . Srniedf ruo we sema we ynam nad traonsrermsf cbul we onw uopg eahv tahhel eht nad tterhea hvea so we hvae adn and efidtenrf nelmta haev ew ahev. We a nmaty ynam elbnog plseca tinshg ot dan are artp os oyu of so. Veha osmeh we so nyma. Uluefbiat si't.
Iun pu teh seertems vega yuo no neodcs haah. To lyaelr wtna oyu eb tou it'dnd trechae atht ew adn dreiugf a. Adn tbu xent tat,sr puser ot e'rwe eht itxceed meti ssatrt am cbak os niu reonvus hsti weke i. Rkow i kihtn elryal engbol thimeonsg is socail i too. Tgbgies arlyel dna sreidfn aery, keam to i sith nwta my sit' wsih. Flee ayre egtra wlil i eb anc thsi i,n !t!i.
Vyer rnageiw we pu year uyo dysa tefl a ta adn to in ew wthi yuo nad to asdtrte gmaenry kd,si erhcead loerudfwn ydas smae dufon dofnu l,eoepp up igntry tath indleets ethrseah eyra rmuesm efsl adn hmar, yuo lfte inght gte ouy and a mhoe we bhcnu in rervi phle aig,an ti, irzeoh thwi r'ewe s,emti we oyka nwte loen,a adn roibacm lass,cuim olufnrdwe shwso to 2 leep,yd ithw btu you fro okwr opelep we a clane rgew lots diwre in a ewnt our oru otu ew li,causm do tog boghtu wtfsi 2 cuegaro eht,rom etsb ptsen 001 oyu ni edacwth mcaginp dolt nda u,in uoy nad ubaot ridbne we nda give dna ofmr wlhoe 3 uoy yuo tusciiat evli ryou ew gto xslaesau the nwo teh ahd ltaroy oru nwat of dha to in los him sdeatr rea itsh dwrkoe lsao uoy ouy oyoondlun, vleod essl dna ddi oyu treofs uot a gaeso,nidd sicereddov aehcedr otu ,onmey you you twne to ihtw r,infsed itfrs the aaimnzg to asmw. Oprud ma os i.
.
Os love yuo mcuh i ni. Fro ,rugvvisni orf ofr fro tno ggivin oyu nkhat hsti nda irtnyg ,ayer up. Cna isth we od. .
.
Evol nda u,oy wlsaya eerfvor. You omeh aer.
~.
Tiwh ,el´vo.
Ni.
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