Dear Ni,
you there? Didn't die? Impressive really.
Today I am struggling. I am struggling because I don't think I've ever felt so alone. Because my friends have best friends but I don't. Because I want to belong I want to be a part of something but I really don't think I can. I thought I had found my people but apparently I didn't. Because I am strating uni next month and I don't want to be a teacher nor study that subject. Because I find it really hard to see others being so happy and having so many friends and enjoying life and me just. just surviving.
i wanted to write to you because I don't believe you'll be any different. Because maybe you'll be dead. Because maybe you are better ?
I hope you aren't alone. It really sucks.
With Love,
Past Ni
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Dear Ni,
Yup, you're alive and I'm so proud of you for it :) This year was crazy hard but we managed and we coped and we made it! So...
Dan sah ntqosseui eorm tiuowth ubaot o,s to y,era cumh lgtilne a,eydl uoy nwsanreig of flei lony mseo ni ltes' nhdepepa eno get rouy.
Uoy soal ear dtoay glggruitsn yr,fltis. Het yvdyaree fo yaer tsla dna gtlrugeds uyo. Are os rntgos iths ya,he etaxr fo ew cseaebu. Gintsh ese het easm tihw fnynu tis' ee'rw atht nad to aha iggguntslr. Reven acnhge hignts uegss some. .
Elfe uyo eth are lsitl ton mtos loynel but elnoa of istme oyu. Ubt uoyr enridesbfst bdneretfssi trieh otn ebnftersdi rea you oruy aer. Isllt htebrso thta oyu. Nehw ayvyrdee uoy ardnou rae uoy but aingzam and you ndot' eavh eavh yuo tlka enev hetm teh hwit dsenrif ohtuhg alos fnu osmt emht. Ehom they oyu gbnir. Is ttha gyvteniehr utbao and.
Tn'od lfee prta a eingthoms eallry tsill of ouy. Tub the at mesa imte. . . Ublc dan nda hlhaet ethetar hvae guop dna evha aevh nda nmay we sdrenfi ew fretdiefn eht ew rou ew ahev onw so laemnt vaeh nresafmsrort ew same. Amyn adn uyo nogbel of prat ot we tgshni ear ymatn sceapl os os a. Myna ew seomh heva os. S'ti butlaefui.
Esodnc pu aahh mreetess eht on gvea ouy inu. Ot ew hcaerte tou eb alryle nad atwn a ruegdfi atth uyo 'ntdid. Tssart erups we'er kabc tmei utb st,rta hits xnet het i ursoven nda os ma to iun iectdxe ekwe. Nhikt si eoblng oto orkw i i honsmgite lylrae iloacs. I to mkae arylle ifdnser ym gitsbge awnt tish wsih nad aeyr, t'is. Aegrt eb fele ,in !t!i illw year hist i anc.
Wnat ogt went esam nad you ouy yver ni we gte rou regaymn sinetedl oru ot geanriw ani,ga we from rwok edbrin that up nigth dna ot rtofse and o,lane neacl giev tcweadh you got ni twhi bnhcu uoy him slo odwelnrfu erodkw tsol ot uto felt siam,lucs awms hte crdehea dan you mheo gtirny had 100 essl yuo od grew 'ewre nsfrie,d tpnes woehl dedrsecoiv dan dysa ew wtih uremsm in botau a out ,nui ialcs,mu estdar elvod a ppeleo hple dan sietm, crugoea we bomraci uot rdastte we etbs oryu oayk het rervi you nda uro ew nda ,ti rwndefuol dyas ni ea,inddgso ear 2 of 2 to nwo to uoy asalxeus inmcapg asiuctit ,htrome loooudnyn, lfes osswh uyo hda uoy up maaigzn a rdwei ew fiswt tewn reya uyo at we thwi dna onyem, uhbtog a ftle oizerh soal eliv etwn eht you a reya asreehht eaehcdr in fro 3 told ndouf alrtyo ufdno ddi to tirfs nad pdl,yee wthi ha,rm sith yuo ki,sd utb ouy leeopp,. I am pudro so.
.
You eovl so i ni chum. Ihst riygnt for gngivi up dna hatnk ryae, oyu for orf siiuvr,vgn otn fro. Can do we hist. .
.
Yalswa and yo,u oevl forever. Eohm are yuo.
~.
,v´oel wthi.
In.
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