A letter from Apr 6th, 2022

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, It's me! Past you! i just wanted to give you a quick update about myself currently. im not really in a place i want to be. i still feel incredibly lonely and out of place. i stopped talking to Maryam, Olivia and Alizeh, i dont sit with them at lunch anymore, nothing. I basically have no friends right now. despite all of that, im still getting solid grades, tho im still **** with deadlines (thats Past-Us' fault not mine). exams are almost coming up and im honestly pretty stressed about them. i already know my planning skills are ****, so what if i dont study enough? or worse: what if i fail? Well anyways i suppose you already know the outcome so i wont bother you with my exsistential dread. currently, i have been clean from selfharm for a beautiful 2 months and 12 days!!! we will get there! we are gonna do and feel better! its gonna take a while before we fully feel better and like we belong, but i cant wait for that day. :) Also, i changed the strings on our guitar so hopefully we'll learn how to actually play soon. AND mom and dad said that once we have the money, they will get me a beginners bass!! ive been playing bass in music class and i really like it so i really just want to continue. (We went to a studio today to record a song and i played bass too it was really cool) I have been keeping a diary where i write about my day every day and its been going pretty solid! thats the one routine i can follow. Also, during this vacation im gonna be volunteering at the club. pretty darn cool if you ask me. Also also, im trying to be less "pushy" with myself when it comes to gender and *********. As you might remember, when we were 12/13 we identified as trans (transmasc specifically) and bisexual and that was it. then i identified as a nonbinary lesbian but it didnt feel right. so now i just keep it unlabeled. i know im not straight or cis, but i just cant quite find the right label. so, no labels for now. maybe youve found one now that ur older but me right now is confuzzeled. but yeah. i suppose everything might work out in the end. How about you? how are you doing? and hows the new school???? anything that thickens any plots? maybe friends? perhaps a LOVER??? id love to hear back from you, but for now, good luck and the most love ever!! CYA!! ur past, 15 year old self <3

Epilogue

3 months later

Hi past me! I just wanted to give you an update as to where im at. Im not doing too good, i dont really like my study and i had...

Mhte inhkt tueps drfiens ubt i i. I ktal tub isltl da(n i mi kalt at)th eliahz sentohyl voiali butao ot oymrean rymama ndot ro dlga od ot. Abceem dna lercos tlo i rokw dna a nr,oozle olsa ae,l ivadd ot ormf. Otl a wrko uto featr hagn we. Noe in eht ma not isth oru tog latse awnt hwit i e(ven tswihc ifstr at ta ghurtoh dna me edos czu itf hsit i oht utb im ot yrea stedius lla rdsstees l)la elsiaddne lstil tmie ilslt bom we. Tath is nbee em bithc i ownk slhdtnuo and lnasrfgehim, sestsr i sjut tshae i ryelal that who bcka stdsrsee lfie avhe wokn nda tdon so tbu easlere i ma ot a ot i eles. Llist nwot nboelg nthki flee orf i atth aenpph i adn i tusj nleniuyeg hr,enywea ondt tjsu liek em. Tlils ihst iydar toofgr i a bass, i mtpoclleey i etetlr ma i atht raed i adn i dnto ug,itra nodt listl a how i alpy ncat had vhea tlils know tunil. Ned i uto epho in eth yhnertigve owskr raeyll.
Ubt yaeh. My iauvyodtdssr antw ninceout ot tebret hatt idnf to i atdyo see dan noggi hope to dont ryaell sitf tgohimesn tlak wtscih bit zcu (i im acn acn siseudt i i if )reeh a to. N2d istfr dna a si shlcoo nytgir is ntah i new can to olt mi yonlsteh ewros ayer teh eelf nrhiegevyt ogod, griint. Ttyrpe tsuj ym lrleay tdsuy aelylr fnu rlaeyl phi,tensrin i od dkani i eht etshnloy not ubt elki leik tsi do. Sah rweot yuo ednnhnti onyl snice het tpol lerlya. Rarehd tlisl nda getnitg derrha aehv i ntdo a nad ovelr is sjtu erayyved.
Ndif ot fo kucl hte hiws yuo leni in ese i eth rvey ryou ihst eplca bset peoh tnxe i dan.
Eth leov v,eer stmo.
Eary <3 ouyr fpestrtuau/ flse 16( )old.
23//(209280).

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