Are you still alive?

Dear FutureMe, There must be crazy things that happened this summer of 2022 eh? Did u get to enjoy the summer? if so, how was it? Even if u didn't get to enjoy it, pls do remember there's still next time and maybe this one is just another challenge for us. Are you still friends with jor? Did u get to hang out with her this summer? Are you guys still each other's favourite? I know I have a lot of question but I really wanna know. I'm currently listening to one of her favourite song, Apocalypse, I know it sounds ridiculous but this song makes it easier for me to write what I wanna ask u about. Do u have new friends over this summer? Its stupid to ask this question since i already know the answer but there's still hope, yk? haha I'm doing better with my mental health now, I bought some clothes that fits my style and I'm starting to take care of myself. :D But one thing I'm struggling with and affecting me is my feelings for jor, I know that she doesn't like me and only see me as her bestfriend but I just can't stop and control my feelings towards her and I know she likes her friend since the start of the school, well I could say for a year now if its September 8. It hurts seeing her being down bad but she's too perfect for me. No matter how many times I try not to fall in love I always do and and up getting hurt. Have I not taken the hint yet??? I hate being a hopeless romantic :( FutureMe, pls dont ever fall for someone again and learn ur lesson. Just focus on studies for our mama and papa as well as focus on finding friends that we don't catch feelings with. Now it's September, how was ur day being a grade 8 student? Pretty fun right? PFFFTT I do hope u have fun there and find friends other than jor so u can move on from ur love triangle arc haha. Before ending this letter, I wanna say how proud I am today for u still being alive and didn't let those evil thoughts win, remember we still have more competitions to have in the future don't we, my little athlete? Goodluck with dealing with life my future self or what jor calls u, jan :) Bye! PastMe, Jan :)