First Day After Interview [Already Overwhelmed]

Peaceful right?

Dear Ashley, Today is June 17th, this day you will find out if you actually did well on the phlebotomist interview. Right now you're in that limbo phase of not getting the call yet; hopefully they don't call when I'm writing this. Already I feel like I am overwhelmed with expectations, and I haven't even seen what the shadowing is like yet. Yes, I am fully certified, however it's been a year since I have even used the skills I have been taught. This is a brand new hospital to me, and as well woth it brand new expectations. If they call me back with the good news, I'll be begining my journey in this career on June 21st. If they call me back with decline, in a way I feel relief and will work at Walmart or a grocery store. At least I know with Walmart they're supposed to give you insurance full time after a couple of months, unlike how they seemed to only want me on 'on-call' at first which has absolutley no insurance. If I do make it, I'm going to be polite but stern in at least having part time. I'm not touching that road until I actually know the ropes with the shadowing. I feel like I only know the order of the drawing of tubes, everything else has evacuated the moment they heard I actually needed them. I miss college and my small college job. It's the type of scheduling and role I've known my whole life, and it's just suddenly never going to be like that again? I am excited, of course I am. The biggest problem is this overwhelming fear of incompetence and I'm going to mess up someone's test, or even arm somehow. That drowning fear is rolling ontop of everything like a thick tar. I just need to remember that I made it through the certification. I've collected blood 70 times. But... That was a year ago. My brain keeps screaming 'What if I'm not ready?!' But I'm trying to call out back 'What if I'm ready to try?' By the time you read this it will be three months from today. Please tell me how you are doing, because I can't wait to be where you are. Please tell me it will be all okay.

Epilogue

5 days later

Hey Ashley,

I want to tell you it will be all okay,
but you and I both know there will be times when we will be *anything* but okay.
However,...

Yaok lla oto hatt si.
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Ohtmsn has it nebe eadylar 3. . . ?.
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Ni j,ob rihte rwko fit uyo yawa rof tihgr oyu nniatietp nad to nggoi gte not did ltle hte liwl atht cfat conteipsxeat i'm ouy. .
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A rue'oy to say adotnitaap nac somhgietn twhi it fo kwor nda or tptnine,ia ttah oyu lwngiil ssred alnre psemior pu. . . But much nhew yuo try uoy acn ohw uoy aetk yoln wokn lsnopryela.
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Had you nrets knnogwi ehty hte tnyi on'td wtan wlil i ofr ruyo tub veieelb otchr htat bnur istiml yuo het ot peitinnta fo ruse try bnieg a,anig leufroys iwht uot karsp wdmosi uoy ot eb amek. Kase ruyo for it iesspmr leni atsp irtgyn tmsili own to hhtorgu tdo'n wnok aepels to u,ot yb ltmane try you htta oenishmgt loppee napgadit yoru. .
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In dan otrcfom yuor fo hneigad neaptn,tii dgdermayian rpsdtaeee uyo tqiingut of rfo ohgtrhu donuf rlwatam alahywf atmetpt.
Cbka of be shti ngbie to rbette kolo a dyas of atth it teda eacep nhiebd scooginh eerie from ntopi ciodeautn esmo ti rneev tfel eong a 'nswta no otg fi 'yudo nad fo rlait.
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To a hifs a uoy exptce bcilm reet nca't.
Narle uyo tacnon e'oreyesnv atht itf 'uyore to gogni xoncepte,tisa.
And tah'st ykoa.
.
Dan wfere in egt unsniraec, ttsgnii emit out uoy tacf ustj oto esnic eerh m'i umoth did eetht of oru ni wdiosm urfo. A,erusnnci ojyiatmr pcka,heyc btu eb ni it bted ookt rof hsti a dwulo ersu we of ithtowu eno.
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Dnlleaycitca imte lslit yr'oue in utoab ,pnmnoteteci rafe thi ttha it form onigg noe nda ot evner ngiog to ot pntesat'i htink leef etmi eruy'o.
Tetingg ohre,wev trbeet aer ouy.
Sndkiesn smepisred hnad dna a uoyr flhdaun eelnde olhgnid tnistepa yuo pesedti of a masll avhe thiw nleegt. To otinp etyh watn eehrw eanm your bmeerrem ot eth. .
Ahah no esrreusp. Ha.
Was ssay ok?swn ,luck tub uroy erpu aribn ohw it stlli.
.
Gogni hemt ru,cseo itsh ltle aetdstr enver you've olng obj how to ou'yer fo. Taht aosymde hcamt a ecdconenfi jtsu liwl dna awer mkas hdretnuane fo samk. ,oot i fierneedcf do hte ti eelf i lilts need tbu.
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Gntryi ndrab ot ndyuesdl comebe ouy rmfo a enco a lwil ovicd hitgacnw wen leispmohottb atiopiinsnr etg berwabs. .
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Tge ,it tllsi if 'hse rynitg ruhhgot ot.
Rlaetli a nwe eo,arcsni icsktr dlo nrleniag dgo.
Uoy oot cna.
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Naetuioptt can uoy ebst teh inodg e'your in. Oyru tlsye oemr afst tis' dan. Vandngii you any mnytleal orkbe rof jtus ayd rogninm ta mroo autbo rihet oeomsesn' of iemt ccrka atilhpso ro rfo fo eitantpni eht bodol mghonetis. Aktl temh otin rsliyueos og yuo let lla kcab tno erstwhi,oe abck, ngoig oyu 'dont githm ta. Avhe utsj uryo dahrne lyp,ulhefo uoy do'nt ot os yuo htne epke eyth nsipe ee,rh nceioils.
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Eht artp w,onk mose gnoig in ,rfa dan ustj oyu egt ta notip to suht ti's rhtdesa *re*a sreow. Rueuft orpeeniitt lilw hte iwll utrohgh veig ouy difn uyo mstr,o hist trfomoc ni. Tou ysuulal su hnigts ofr od wkor. Oto can uoy eqtui ton rehet ym ni i flee stlli tey inmd heit,re im'.
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Os ot ohw it fo dan odpur leniinwsgsl im' mi' royu y,rt weev' afr rfa dmae upodr fo.
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Htikn tdon' ugonhe eht 'im ouy ekma ouy od lt"li' a",oyk ld''o lelt vieg tub i uoy be i owomesh at htta boj fo oguhrth tales it nca urtth lal ihts in to.
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Oyu i yera us oto a how si ilke su hginnkti fo eb il'l ngithnki hpoe mfro mrof won fo.
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Oelv twih eean,pitc so nda humc.
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Lyseha 3 stohnm the orfm fuerut.

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