First Day After Interview [Already Overwhelmed]

Peaceful right?

Dear Ashley, Today is June 17th, this day you will find out if you actually did well on the phlebotomist interview. Right now you're in that limbo phase of not getting the call yet; hopefully they don't call when I'm writing this. Already I feel like I am overwhelmed with expectations, and I haven't even seen what the shadowing is like yet. Yes, I am fully certified, however it's been a year since I have even used the skills I have been taught. This is a brand new hospital to me, and as well woth it brand new expectations. If they call me back with the good news, I'll be begining my journey in this career on June 21st. If they call me back with decline, in a way I feel relief and will work at Walmart or a grocery store. At least I know with Walmart they're supposed to give you insurance full time after a couple of months, unlike how they seemed to only want me on 'on-call' at first which has absolutley no insurance. If I do make it, I'm going to be polite but stern in at least having part time. I'm not touching that road until I actually know the ropes with the shadowing. I feel like I only know the order of the drawing of tubes, everything else has evacuated the moment they heard I actually needed them. I miss college and my small college job. It's the type of scheduling and role I've known my whole life, and it's just suddenly never going to be like that again? I am excited, of course I am. The biggest problem is this overwhelming fear of incompetence and I'm going to mess up someone's test, or even arm somehow. That drowning fear is rolling ontop of everything like a thick tar. I just need to remember that I made it through the certification. I've collected blood 70 times. But... That was a year ago. My brain keeps screaming 'What if I'm not ready?!' But I'm trying to call out back 'What if I'm ready to try?' By the time you read this it will be three months from today. Please tell me how you are doing, because I can't wait to be where you are. Please tell me it will be all okay.

Epilogue

5 days later

Hey Ashley,

I want to tell you it will be all okay,
but you and I both know there will be times when we will be *anything* but okay.
However,...

Lal that is oot oayk.
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3 tomhsn hsa ti been adaylre. . . ?.
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Ton ni uoy rhtie oyu idd ot eth away itf ouy m'i nad atht giong tge saxteopecint llet catf kwor rhgit nettaipni oj,b liwl fro. .
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Cna mreisop ot nad ptdoiaanta it nerla rsesd nliglwi or'euy ro you sya fo pu kowr ahtt a ntiani,tep hnsiegmot whit. . . Ouy konw aket nac olaeynslpr enhw tbu how uoy loyn chmu ytr you.
.
Kaspr amek i hte ubt adh be atth try enbig orhct to fro uot oury idsmwo ensrt tehy imlsit yint tanw suer vbeleie tihw unbr eht you sylouref nepttniai fo will 'dtno ouy ingwkno yuo ot ia,ang. Ti dt'on ot t,ou wkon hatt sriepms lmtisi nwo igrynt you ltmaen saek pelaes hntesgmio uhrohtg peoepl ruoy nlie yb to try satp adipagnt oyru fro. .
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Oorctfm dgaenryidam rfo in ryou atseprede dna of attmtpe tmrlawa fo fwhaaly ouy dnigeha nfdou ,petnainit qniuitgt hthuogr.
Of eb eeeri nheibd ckba of a sith if ftle ntoip oneg enoacuitd trteeb na'tws daet otg htta epcea no it ti mofr bgnie tialr oy'ud smeo erven a icsgoonh loko dna fo to yads.
.
A mlibc a eetr fhsi nt'ac to ouy eptxce.
Ift e'oruy atnxeic,espto ereo'sveny to atht ioggn tnacon uyo nelra.
Nda yoka ttash'.
.
Uro uoy oot ferwe just oidmws teg in fatc dna ufor out eimt utohm eetth idd icnse gniistt se,nuiranc m'i in rehe of. Neo oludw a it tish nacr,einus in uitthow ew usre utb ookt hccypkea, dbte eb roityajm fo orf.
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It kitnh mfro tbuao nogig to clclndaayeit iht nigog eevrn etim eno llsti dna to pemtenc,tino to efra ni yoreu' efle oye'ur htat as'pentit temi.
Eitgntg uyo etbert ear orew,evh.
Sapittne hvae fo distpee huldnfa edelne a nad eidpsresm uoy sllam tgenle tihw isndesnk nahd a yoru ghoinld. Eerwh uroy tipon ythe ermbeemr ot eht nmae natw ot. .
No eresrsup ahha. Ah.
Urpe tbu ?skown bnari woh oyru it asys lslit ukc,l saw.
.
Isth veren e'rouy temh woh tardets iggno ot lgon of llet boj uo,rcse ouvey'. Coeicnfend reendhtnau hatt sutj amsk rawe kmas camht a ayesdmo adn of lwli. I od elfe i hte tub ,too edne llist erfeedfinc it.
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Vcido elimobtpstoh a rmfo iyrgnt ihacgtnw bcmeeo wlil yuo wen dnrba egt uyenddsl ewsbbra a neoc tionasirpni ot. .
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Torhhug teg illts es'h i,t to gnytir fi.
A ranlneig eonicr,as aritell ciksrt lod wen god.
Oto ouy nca.
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'uyero ndgoi utinettpao ouy hte can in stbe. St'i tfsa nda uoyr mreo yselt. Oolbd fo ms'onsoee amteylnl abtuo jtus imrngon or vdingnai etim rmoo ouy eht orf fo rfo nya rihet dya lhpiasto ta eobrk emtohigns paetninti akrcc. Otn imtgh go ktla ,bakc ouy oh,siewret noit ntdo' at etl kbac soulyisre lal igngo ouy etmh. Tsuj to erndah ouy o'tdn yeth oyu ehnt ahev uyhleo,lfp here, yruo so eekp snecoili nspie.
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Asdehrt emos ratp to ni ra**e owrse on,kw at shtu the ggino afr, uoy pnito adn ujts teg 'its. In ufuert tghrhou eigv ouy hte etotnperii uoy os,trm idfn hits tromofc ilwl ilwl. Lsuluya inhsgt uot orwk rfo do us. In ont elef i my you ltsli m'i heetir, idmn oot ehret cna tey euqti.
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And fo so i'm ti podru yuor arf dmea ot afr urdpo snisngelwil im' t,yr vwe'e hwo fo.
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Eb thta at gvei but ,"akoy 'mi of guhhtor emak od odl'' i i uyo job in llt"'i nhkit you ti hte lseat nac uhttr you lla llet t'dno ngeuho oewsmoh htsi to.
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Now thkniing a ouy is fo be ll'i su hwo ekil i knhtgini too rmfo us eyra fo rfom peoh.
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A,ptcneie htiw umch so velo nad.
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3 the mshnto yhsale rfmo truuef.

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