A letter from May 6th, 2022

Hey future self, Recently hasn’t been that good, there have been some family issues but it’s over now. I’m trying to get through it and it’s been hard. I’m so mentally drained and the stuff that's been in my head has been like a static television. I’m 14 now and it’s not too exciting. The movie I wanted to go see with my friends, it’s not showing here and it made me really annoyed. Music has been a real escape from life. Just listening helps my mind forget. I just got my phone back and I’m getting yelled at for being on it all the time but I just don’t wanna deal with life. Hopefully, high school will be good. I really scared for it, I don’t want a bad reputation because I just found out that my 15-year-old cousin who goes to that school is pregnant and I don’t know what to think. I’m so worried about this. Right now the best things in my life are my friends, being able to have my phone, having an amazing family, my mom being in my life, and just having all the people and things I do. Some of the things I’m not too happy about is the fact my grades aren’t the best but I’m going to try to fix them, getting into arguments with my friends, and just not having to life I feel I need. I wish I could change so many things in my life right now. I wish I could change how I look. I wish I could change my mistakes. I wish I could change my mind. I hate the things I think about, I hate who I think about, and I can’t stand how bad my stuttering has been. It’s so hard for me to read and get anything done with school. Something huge happened my sister came out as a lesbian and is dating this super sweet girl. I don’t want her to change I love her just the way she is. I hope next year we get to move out of our current house because of the people that live around us. I can’t stand their loud music at 2 in the morning. It’s just mentally damaging and I’ll get over it though. I’m really scared that my grandma or aunts are gonna die because they’re getting older and aren’t in the best health. That's one of the reasons that I’ve been crying so much. I just can’t get over the fact that I’m gonna lose people in my life. It hurts so bad and I can’t control the emotions that boil up and just take all my energy away. Some goals I have are to make the volleyball team for high school and just enjoy the rest of my time at MMS. I want to be the break in my family. I want to make something of myself. I need to be the break I can’t be like my other family. A year from now I think I’ll be enjoying my teenage years at the end of freshman year having the time of my life, that's what I wish anyways. Sincerely, You <3 May 6, 2022