A letter from Mar 5th, 2022

Dear Future Kadiatou from march 5 2022, I'm writing this as my last day being a 22 years old, and can't believe tomorrow I will be 23 wow time really does fly it's crazy, and i know you are having tons of suicidal ideation at the moment and din't really think I'll make it to 22 let alone to 23 so now I'm having a hard time with living , I just feel like I'm just surviving , I want to be happy and alive also I need to either go to a rehab center for my mental illness if it keep being very bad as well as being on medication for my depression and anxiety which I'm really scare, and I feel like no one really cares or love me which sucks maybe it's because I don't know what it looks like or bc people don't say it I don't know which I hate. Are you still friend with Lauren? I hope you guys are still close she in a way safe your life without you realizing at the beginning, also what about shaun Pleaseant? what is the story there? still remain friends? or did you both stop pretending like you guys don't like each other even if he act at times he doesn't ? have you moved on and still friends? did he finally taught you to skate and hangout? or not bc he's being stubborn with him not asking lol he also save my life without him knowing, but I think he's def talking to someone even though he told deja that he's been hurt and just looking for a friend, he sucks at communicating as well, and he told me that he's bad at texting when that wasn't a problem before, and people love to play cupid with us at work I'm like ugh bc he know I like him, like me sharing my pizza and I can see him as my best friend even though he's like 35 years old and I believe he's birthday is august 18 which I don't know I memorize but I do I care and remember the small things. I need to stop overthinking too much and set boundaries and trying to not feel guilty about it and truly love myself.... I hope you're able to move past you getting molested by your horrible uncle and that him giving you std ( cold) isn't affecting you as much and that you can actually go back home , and I hope you stop hurting yourself and stay clean from self harm, but I know you just want a love so deeply that you have never felt before and I hope you find it, but also in yourself , I hope school isn't too bad right now even though sometimes it's the worst, and I hope you get to travel and be closer to your siblings and try therapy together, and be more vulnerable, because you never got it as a child, so it's very difficult to do it now as an adult or even communicate, but you do and you're trying . Healing isn't linear and you are so very hard on yourself don't compare yourself to other even if that is what was taught to you as a kid, you matter very much even if you don't believe it I hope you're still alive by next time I'm here even though you have so much trauma, and childhood trauma I hope you are able to heal a part of it and someone see you more than that and accept you , and the way guys or should I say boys treat you is not right you deserve better than that, because they are so immature, but you are lowering your standards, just do you okay? and it's hard to let go but you deserve better, because you are amazing, one of a kind that it's hard to find nowadays don't let anyone doom your light again, you deserve better , I hope you left your post office job, because you are truly not happy there and people are bullying you more so supervisor and people who been there for so long, and I know you didn't really do this for a guy but shaun just push you lol do I really care about shaun this much I feel like he doesn't feel the same towards me and he suck at communicate and he should come to me first if he want to say something, because I'm open minded, i just keep thinking what if we all die and we never got to be honest about how we feel bc that will sucks even more, but you can't make someone love you even more and don't ever try to , you are pretty great, and I hope you learn to let go of people who don't want you, even if you feel like you are not good enough, you are you just don't want less and that is very valid, but I hope you're really great at skating by now and you didn't loose it did mom ever found out? also please tell me you didn't get into any accident while playing it did you make any more friends there ? also any lover? are you still in Louisville ? or did you move out I hope you truly will be okay and your mental health get better, I don't know why life is giving you a hard time when you truly do not deserve that , because you know what? you deserve better, I hope you got better at your religion, because you are slacking , because of your mental health and stuff but you want to be better at it even In your heart you know that, please don't hurt yourself, because your inner childhood need you, and need you to help her, because she block everything so she can feel safe, but now it's up to us to make her proud and happy that she didn't do that for no reason and that she is free and we want her to be happy. I hope your YouTube channel and social media like Instagram have grow and keep posting uplifting things on there , and being vulnerable even though it is hard from the inner childhood me, I loveeeeeee you.