A letter from Feb 18th, 2022

Dear FutureMe, ****, this is scary. Just while you're reading this, you from a year ago from now, is pretty much getting anxiety. It's not really that much, but I really dislike what this feeling gives me. It's so **** scary, and makes me feel so small in situations. It's that feeling where you don't know what to do anymore, that feeling where you're scared that people might leave you, or that everyone will eventually hurt you in the end. Today is a day where I pretty much had the most social interaction for the past 6 months. I'm not ashamed to say that during these past few months I isolated myself and was scared to socialize, even just for a bit. Yet now, I got a small glimpse of what I am indeed capable of. And I'm proud of myself for that. I felt as if my confidence just appeared, and God just answered my prayers. I'm grateful for this day honestly, it was great. The least I could do to say thank you back to the world is appreciate it, and cherish this day forever. Not gonna lie, I was supposed to break up with him. today. But, things just, it's hard. I love him so much yet I don't feel safe around him. It's the truth I've always been avoiding. too many things happening, and my anxiety just resurfaces. I really just have to trust on myself on this one. There are times where I feel as if I just wanna stay with him, and that I do love him. You know, for now, I'll continue to be with him. I'll continue to be with him until I get tired. That's how much I love the person. I wanna try enjoying this for a while, and see how it goes. I think this might be a bad idea. Who knows? Future self, if this decision was pretty bad, forgive me xD is it worth dating him? was it worth dating him? ask yourself that. I think it was pretty much worth dating him, I mean, I've grown. so much. And he gave me some fun memores I'd pretty much enjoy and cherish forever. But if there ever comes a time where you both have to go separate ways, just do remember that it benefits you from the long run :)) and im proud of you. I've seen what I'm capable of. I will continue to grow and gain more experiences in life. To just get out there for a while and see how much good it gives me. It's not as scary as you think, trust me on that. Your younger self loves you. and will forever be within you.