A letter from Dec 30th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, being alone and feeling alone are huge two different things. being alone is being alone in one place with the feeling that you know someone is always there for you whenever you need someone, feeling alone is the feeling that when you feel you aren't supported by anyone and no one is by your side whenever you need it. it sucks feeling alone. December 24, 2021 a day before Christmas I went to my mothers' house after she told me that she wanted to celebrate Christmas with us. Trisha didn't go because she celebrated with her boyfriend instead. 7-9 pm together with Ziene and Atheena we went to church and greeted each other Merry Christmas, It's almost 2 years since I haven't seen Ziene though we have seen each other the day before. December 25, 2021 I thought the feeling of being alone is the worst thing between the two, not until Christmas came. The table that used to be full of food eating with family members together and the house full of guests from anywhere and friends that haven't seen in a long time is now gone. It's only me, alone. There is no one except my cats whom I really missed but I can't get them because I have nothing to feed them, it's the worst feeling. And the thing here is that everyone is still alive and kicking but they're too busy with their errands to celebrate Christmas together and eat at the table. There are even not many foods, it is like Christmas isn't important at all and it's just a normal night. Dada has some errands, Nicko is nowhere to be found (which I soon found out that he's in my tita) and my mom is with the guy who hurt her and she said she's done with him but the truth is she's not. I feel so betrayed the moment that I found out. The man is married and for Pete's sake that will make her a mistress. I was lost of words and decided to head home and sleep.