I hope you are doing great. I am sure this next cycle is full of new opportunities and blessings for you. With this new summer solstice, I will make sure to enjoy my days as much as I can.
I'll write to you some things about my life at the moment. I'm on holidays right now, after another rough year at college. I feel happy to rest and having time to work on myself. This month I've been learning about my childhood trauma, my anxiety issues and how to heal. I am doing great, but obviously this healing journey will take time. I know that you are in a better position than I am at the moment. And if you are not -for some reason- just remember that everything happens, that the pain and suffering is only momentary. You are gonna be alright and you're gonna shine again pretty soon.
Healing, loving ourselves and recovering from so many years of suffering is a whole journey with its ups and downs. Always remember how much you got hurt, but you never died. You're still alive and stronger than ever, and I'm so happy and proud of you for this. Keep going.
I've been thinking about my goals for the next year, and they are focused on working on my mental health because it will improve my life in general. I made myself the question "if I had only one year to heal, what would I do?" And I wrote a list of the things I'm working from now on:
1. Learn to process emotions and communicate them. Boundary-setting.
2. Notice my negative/toxic behaviors and stopping them.
3. Take care of myself and learn to love myself.
4. Meditate/journal/affirmations/write feelings everyday
5. Learn about mental health.
6. Face fears
7. Learn to date in a healthy way.
8. Be a better friend
9. Exercise. (Including my physicak therapy!)
10. Practice being happy on my own
I know that my goals might change a bit or I will add some more with time, but I think those are the most important ones to being a healthy happy person.
I am also practising celibacy since yesterday. I've been "celibate" since december 2019, but I also won't masturbate from now. I want to learn how to control myself and use that poweful energy for a bigger purpose (like following my dreams, or studying, for example).
Again, I really hope you're doing okay, that you're surrounded by people you love and who loves you, that your life is full of blessings, that you have a job or different sources of income. I know that you will be doing great, this next year has many miracles waiting. I hope you found them! Feel free to tell me about your year.
Remember I love you and I always will be here. You are strong.
- May.
Epilogue
7 months later
Hello, me from the past. Thank you for your sweet words. Sometimes, when I read something I wrote years ago I find myself suprised by my own eloquence.
I'm replying...
Erlett hweil to sthi it tafre enegvrcii a. Dn'to i if rlyale it i eebofr reeerbmm ared. Nkith i didnt' i. .
Bertet in aehv tath 'mi glda ot syurleof rou'ey a irnogkw feli. Dna pkee asy tath ishgtn get ot m'i ebettr ahpyp eintgtg it. Is wrinkgo umarast odstraw dan it tahleh ojb oyu i thhguo for etmnla gtiank issuse a on and deaimr naoict ellary. At is onge a yorunj,e lgoifeln slaet tpra het tbu osrwt si ttha. Ilwl we omer si ew iktnh vrlaleo nwko so feulrpow nhta ,nkthi luprefwo inotmptra erve moer dan htta nmid we onw chum ahtt lylrae i is ahnt uro hmesgntio aer. Gynnthia we tghhour rseu tnwa ew nca m'i niahngty nda egt etg. Trmtae uncesmciascrt ntdo'.
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Good teh own mhet aeg eckhincg rfo dan lsceilapy rfo idfn i uryo dna mi' oglas yaer uryo reu,tma giaan. .
Etaordieunm"awtalnerismfifjr/oa/ti/t wodt'lun i ifngsele s,ayanyw hting the eevayydr" od. To it not thta oyu hstoe foecr eefl of nad husodl do gdoo uyo eauebcs hrwmokeo tyep 'tis csttaeiivi osme refylsou enseryca ikle fseel do a and he,ocr eilk vahe gnmeoisth i nktih to ekli 'dnot emak ot.
Idd i etsimoon rvi,beahuso hnistg enlar emro ynma autob htleah, rnospeicsg and ltanem. Hlpyaip in ymsfle dna caple nac own a dan m'i eefl levo kiel asy i epsnor i a rseiw i etetrb. Is vhae i eeclfnotspc- rylael good het a hngtsi gte i nad tath reeveds it ngpeilh lfie in ihhg em actyllau. Ni het hwyort ocsiupre fo now wokn nthgis i'm i otms ifel. .
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Rtoew rsmume i reremebm rletet eht i iths. Nad ligndiub agnai erfnid adh i swa ihwt ym otncengeicr odl i eth shindirepf. Merums hetre netw dan sleiv teh ehs ehr ithw in eht ouy esdnp scota. Fnu ti nda tgare saw mtie ouy a so tpesn rehet. Erwe' csoel eotrh ednrfsi uor iwth suladt yaelrl hre, oppginsutr tilsl ceha ni svlei. .
Rpsin-eno t,aht aerdtst ratfe celloge you. Ti elayrl rrraoeolsctel mi' si llogeec efli oll gnoan a otn elaryl tge bseceau tnio. Ouy ellw eafrt tbu all do. I nda ookt jtsu suceeba sels ellrya uasixon daemga sdehwi syorueisl can aws lfei i leymsf elss ti deamaicc. Aws tyaexni vnere ealehd ym that nosmgihte ppolyrer asw. Rmeo on a nexriescepe you tuuifbela adn otl y,aaynws it! goellce fe,isdrn of fnu ilstl vteis,iciat p,rist negwkdelo sirbng gonikwr ot!o. Onw ym aahfw-yl igve tetdsar rghti carere to uro usnryievti nda samlot saesscl 'mi rohguth at i. Sratt angon old as a ubt eno ryae mi' in 22 gonrwik rpoorsesf sraey at ssasttian. A dpreio vi'e emoc godo ni ubt lefe hsuc htne i oe,nhgu fo loko i etim how fra ton mtesemiso rohst. Uoy wdsieh ees me i onw duloc. Lto dowlu ouy orem readexl a efle.
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In vrofa uor ni wylasa dne tou the wokr grtienyevh. Rteirws of eth uro ew the elita,srei era yrsot scroatre fo uro. Avhe orme who teh eth tawn tatse the imet frueut uoatb utrfeu dan teim edpsn fo wgiyrnor sels in uoy roepsn that iodgnyebm has ieeytgrvnh ot. Nda is nihgst eekp volnig feyuslro cmncecaritsu irogne reteh evarewth bveoa lla.
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Erhe ouy eb adn reeerbmm sylaaw llwi i levo i. Are yuo gsnrto.
Yma - eu)rtf(u.
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