A letter from 15 year old you

Peaceful right?

Dear Future Me, first off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! who cares about your age--go celebrate! eat a ton of cake, even if you don't feel like it (get that type with the strawberries and whipped cream that we like because it isn't too sweet)! buy yourself a nice present! treat yourself to whatever you're craving! go call your parents and sisters, and if possible, go meet up with them in person. hug a pet, and if you don't have one, hug someone else's. this is a big milestone, you know. scary, but big nonetheless. i want to be the first one to celebrate for you. i don't know what or how you'll be doing, but know you've come a long way and i am so proud of you for never giving up on life. how crazy is it to think that you're 20 now? an adult? that's crazy and quite unfathomable to me right now, to be honest. i may be a high school junior, but mentally i still feel like a freshman. it feels like i never got past 13. ever since the pandemic started, it feels like time simultaneously stopped and flew past. it's disorienting, to say the least. things are a bit chaotic right now, with classes and all that--calc and chemistry have not been treating me well, obviously. and the stuff with relationships and figuring myself out.. it's so confusing. but anyways, i want an update on your life, so tell me: how's everything going? tell me everything! i'm really unsure of what i want to do in the future right now. did you end up deciding what to major in? what college are you at, if you're in college? are you having fun? is it as scary and exciting as you'd always imagined? are you still keeping in touch with old friends? don't forget to take care of yourself always. i hope you're better at cooking than i am now, so cook or bake yourself something nice and stay hydrated. and make sure not to pull too many all-nighters in a row. are you still keeping up with your interests? i hope you didn't drop drawing or piano. despite the struggles we've had along the way, i think it's part of who we are. have you started a webtoon yet? have you finally learned a liszt piece like you always wanted? how's your guitar playing? and here's a suggestion: if you're bored, why not pick up skating again? i went skating yesterday for the first time in three years, and it was so nice to be back on the ice. i hope you have time to maybe go for a skate now and then! how are your personal relationships going? things are a bit rocky for me right now. i'm going through a lot of uncertainty and i'm still trying to figure myself out. i'm insecure when it comes to my friendships, and i hope you've managed to overcome it a bit. if you find yourself lonely, give yourself a hug and pick yourself up. reach out to new people and don't be afraid. oh, and let me know if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend! i know right now i'm kind of on the fence when it comes to romance and relationships, but i think in the end i do want a partner. just remember to be careful and not rush into anything. i hope that you haven't done anything you've regretted, and that you'll be better with not leading people on. oh, and right now... everything with grandma's dementia. it's hard. it's really hard. by the time you read this, she'll probably be gone. i don't know what to expect when the day comes--grief? shock? maybe even relief? i don't know. i hope you're doing okay. remember to give everyone you love a hug. if it's happened, know that she loved you so, so much. i hope you're doing okay on your own! we always had a fear of separation, i think, even if we never admitted it. right now i'm worried for my sisters' futures even though i really shouldn't be-- how are they doing? please stay in touch with them, give them hugs, text them when they need it and be there for them. you know how much you love them. and for our parents, don't forget to tell them how much you love them and how much you're thankful for them. i hope you're in a stable situation, and i hope for the best. i'm really curious-- are you still talking to li? if you aren't, what made you stop? was it gradual? when did you realize you didn't need them anymore? was it sad? and if you are, that's cool!! i honestly can't imagine being without them, at this point. oh, and i hope you don't let go of your faith as well. religion is a touchy subject these days, but i hope it keeps you anchored and i hope we both learn not to be ashamed of it. in a world that's ever-changing, don't forget your core values. if you've let go or your hold has slipped, that's okay. pull yourself back up. ahh... i don't know what these next five years will hold. it's a long, long time, and to be honest, i'm scared. however, i have a feeling you'll be able to figure it out. for me, thinking about it makes my head spin. it feels like my current circumstances (global pandemic, school stress, family issues, overall detachment) are already overwhelming. i can't imagine what it's like for you, and i worry about it. but i know that if you're reading this, you've come so, so far. i hope you're happy. i hope you're proud of what you've done, because i'm proud of you. and you know what? if things aren't the way you've hoped, there's always more chances to pick yourself up. remember that you're loved by more people than you even know. happy birthday! i love you so, so much. cheers to a great rest of your life. i'll see you in five years. sincerely, you [12/17/2021]

Epilogue

2 months later

Hi, past me!

Wow, we were so different back then. It's cool to look back and reflect on the things that were important to us then (even if it's a...

Ihnkt nogwr auecebs shwso rga)bamsseni ecnis tbi ohw mhuc i vi'e ti. .
.
Aditm i bti my saw bryhitad atth fltufcidi a. Im' nriigwt thsi ubt ttah peyrl ftear, gnihtink swa truefu the sothmn sniipralg week typert rostwad bda two i. I and iorrgnsduun mhcu elusyddn tyencrntuia i os adn ntie,aolrhissp letf ouidantagr ttdesar igndared nmiuotmyc. Ubt gdoo ma eolv csuh cataul eb blsesde ym elfidl a whti dna rmngosscto,hi y-oj-i dryihabt em eetsipd ridnesf sevol by ,hatt fyamil uudneosrrd ehtri ot aws dan. Odmaeemh end het titpsreet anna nees aln,ana pu tlcluaay i ceak; vaeh it it mma,e i idd wsa wsa by a nad tbwraryser vere & nghavi tngih. A iscloediu rennid ta i ahd uheos idmsmu. Drea egrac em rlteet rfo syflem tbu and ckab aehv no frtledece and etcpmerif tshta' orf eyevr hwo who si ti itmantrop fo we i ewre to uory vienros exisdte. .
.
In ehtn th,osen lfee neisc eb ngedcah do leki 'im tnd'o 'eiv tath i'm elef cmuh i i to btu slilt s!neetwti ilek i sltil my wnok 1,7 os. So ym tconu ot neilsgsb ti hywmsi lfei a epek blea ici"ldlh"ek osem ni vie' thta fo ttha ll'i nbee. Ddi you i ey,s fo oint ddi hwy( tudob mi' gingnirn,eee lal hat?,)?t it and oeglecl akme ni jmangrio hitsgn oetcmupr. We fo ned nreev in utb eben thaw thna up edfnrieft hgthotu teh het 'sti i( ios)lilin pcetexed d'i os ilfe it my stretaeg emyba sloa fo is rpcieeeenx icesnfrlod. Btu yrleal umhc sa a and wngro i os dsay hda dan irecveosdd asd adhr am pornes e'vi gtihsn, how evi'. Yera my neev htta ycimmtonu dan ipgetsnp iisnngfhi iettbsweter uprog ainieryrvtts fmro lpsiradehe -ehwi-lerhcad lmfyes up dndee i as a ionrju allms donw si up mi' fdnou dan zanamgi na wno ni. Olgnifle- 'eiv sdrfine dnfuo. !); smuemr oubta rsignltalh-e pu eth neve tpsierhinn rof i eht na evha dilne. . . Ehh. Wonk yna pslee etretb tod'n i ecuhdels si if ym. Ti kithn i own aws ttpyer i,t ysawla dba taht baotu. Elyra mcuh ts'i feedyitnil pu eomr lgtrgesu ot fo a aewk.
.
Talk tiwh nhhatg naaig oyu ludhso that tltere i dare eeewyek/rv ardstet to wkee wehn eotrh rveye it's og hda tankisg aseuecb fnnuy i tusj gkinsa,t stih utboa. Frneeig is hrti-tg-i 'euyor. Ayr,e laauctly it i euitq leoaidrlgrbnl ei'v up dpkice my ton! oasl asefhrmn vleeebi otnteg ogdo ro. An i iatrug ('odyu adn otw tghoub oag itdeecx tah)t so ecrctiel be smmusre otbua. Uitrga rtteeb, ta prttey lstea my i'lypgans thta si ym but otn cmhu rgitua.
.
Of m'i uorsec sltli agrdwin. Eenxceprie nfid rsitf my esgus ti to nad eht ovcontenin azmaign sfrti i rfo rwda tosm emit nyruaja htis i s'ti ldos tsap swa et!im atr drhare ot tdaleb fo gtah,rtfi teh ym ta i tbu sduoite. Dsol ent in utp steim i i akbc nad hatw uot meda enve. Nbwlo swa nda oloc ereoevyn yawa putoiespvr i wsa who yb. /1010 wsa od ont fi of it tayolelubs korw i-venaea-gn e,erneceipx a loduw. Tgtupni on tou my yfslme a liek kowr esgine lapsiyd ehrte nad swa ramed wno moec retu. .
.
I ised orieevdesrcd l'li veha my to gloecle pnuo yuo roetrtdveex icomgn onkw. Nmya eolpep ilcribedne 'eiv tme so. Snefidr oecm eahv ng,oe owkn othser semo rfo dna i era file my liweh. Alaann ekta dan mas. I a hte nda ifnastocdn toin lstocse egam ilgr otw i eobmce ym erven omrnda dulow huttgho no tsrete ran a of guy nthgi woh tion a tmsdlueb. Ni oemh isth me and tvirnyteairs; yomtmnuci odeybn sah i nafolaultyndio iltulayrsip wodrs pdeahs noudf. So v'ie gthuhro darh arldnee hstrtu piiihcpledss ynma. Tuo oecaintvorssn eisd cmoe the hadr ntesgrro 'iev ethor dan ahd. Nda mesna vdoceris to be slawl and ym ot okwnn ahtw iyafnll it deeanrl w"kno odwn i've tel. Cpelotymle i " to as'hnt lreiera, teh ulaeddl senrtcyuii waya nego sa. In iveoc adeh ivceerep yass tahw ni htta utb tiyndeti em who ym ont chtirs, ei'v reialdze ym esil ro in reosht het. Os onwk i eld,vo rfltgaue ,so adn am i ma fro that i.
.
Aksde aosl arhes dna ym ngoe 'vie fo nad nda yar,e hsercud rhuhogt gclolee nvee tnomacir ndosw eno rpe fiar etcindin ups i eben sicne at( ,era)f out on tslae. Ttha ,esimt vsleare ta. Ol'wdeuv reve ptexed,ec gihh uyo me nto lchoso setoignmh 'tis. Dha out garet nidmest that ttha warodts teslor?sinpiha rowk ot opun emmebrre yaeh, eolcleg syacirtc 'indtd we wehn ogminc. Eyar ddeen ongl imet sgarcinr a rof no,gl ew tino ieoshgmnt thta us pu edaple emsharfn lentu,noaftyru. Ignucpakn i tlo hsti os i 'ndtdi nad on ashmade l,gno a nde faluts etssmere het thur ttsar ofr nad fo ntuil my saw. Fllaen ihktn i eticw ttha eiv' csnei btu. Neo rpugo tbu alslm sinneocfsg atiointsu eagrluft up clal)auty mi' fo eelpop cgeluaylfr salt ejre,ectd rfo we thob i that edn ehldnad caeeo,-lrd (my vnoeebmr nad aws did soeht to way teh os. A 'rwee em lealutvnbiiry ym tol utsgntri efsngeil dan scloer ,nwo hwit tghaut eenv uoabt nda ti ehtors. .
.
A sesnoa 'mi dan for utb to rihtg tcrlernuy a of won gflrteua in gnssieelns tkangil ugy i am ti, tilsl. Eikl say i i wdulo him. Go wgrno nebe ruse lt'il fi -ielfginvig dna i pnrevo sah ti be i-ynewa-hner tacf ewer' iemgten rda,hsuyt tno ludoc n-hu-tetb sniiurgslpry on. Ntah hatt nda ot ei'v eben nime tirutsgn ursedenrr sogd' ish enrnlaig to how ysaw alnp, aer etbert. Fo crertun rtgfelau orf ugy tsih wtah nhpp,ase radelssrge i'm. Os twhi a phasnpe htaw that 'lwel tohmn i or in upsepso ese.
.
Iafyml hitw. . . Eldmpitcoac ti's. It leiezra sah wyasal nvee ,eenb fi hnet dntd'i it kbca uyo. Itellt earelt of me ot i hvae sorteh taydo ot rfeocd nvee nkaucp tolfrnuuateyn a ellcgeo imgonc hatt hedaps lto uthsr ot owh. Hcmntateta fo olt hwti eth ui,sses a rtaiblelvnuiy ggstrleus. . . . Ew htey od form stem eerw eiards woh. Ecmo adn nebe 'sti flmyia iilfcufdt ruo ot ni soenreksnb eht ot hwti erstm. Naheweyr neo sath't been rngsianiso-aleez- luodw thsi rehrta thta of i sebtgig but eb uretcnr mhoe hte of urggetssl. Oylswl ihenalg and fare, otlonrc dog hte ,hurt enve si orf tenh, seredi. Vreo ezlreiad of hte i to let elsvi it'serss pgir og ot my 'evi vaeh atwn ayok i'ts. Eb n'dto to pnrtae teh idhtr heva i. Ym hrtie wgriogn afhit era and in ltyaclua oedanhrpot apetrsn. Htwi own fact utrts em eevn uhnoge nda beelssd mi' gantgatyense/e tllsi teh me sueorc tath hthugo ruy,fleteqn tehri ot in uylrt ssriest ehteyr' ym syear xtte of. Tleert ouy ilwl rwee noso w(w,o uyo the eb thsi age sbaillae whne erwot. Azcyr s'ttha. ).
.
Fun ,fatc atkinlg li am i lltis ot. Verne edcikk htbai i i ugsse ttha. In ehyret' ekpgien me ltils heckc.
.
Ftiha reotpr to ym is ahtt phayp ontsrgre mi' rvee athn. Aekm atemn it erovscid htiaf i ym my to awth dha elalry ot own. Bkac umch a tmnae how nsdrduanet hmi 'tnidd vnee talpreisnhio hwti eend i n,hte laeirezd if whta dog i i. Eesh'tr nad edanrel oerm i -fngiivelgi mipsyl tnorimcgof ni strigne ish erespnce atht naht hngoint. Hte esrttad cakb emso ereyv pscildsiine eibbl irgdane tliriusap i'ev kile nmnroig up,. At 2dn all my nebe nbiyderlic edar eh's bilbe neeb hte im' w!no is't ualmes eowhl who eidecdd to dogo n,ollcgcliaooyrh i nda ihst reeialz teh fro ganhspi otughrh to urogdngni elif whlie. Rof teh lses twah eth xiateyn mmestno it mih to hrorab rufuet oknw ni acbeues strut elik eayerdvy i olsko i. A thn,e htkna kcab hte eevn fo ootk espst oyu ithfa as lilett orf lmsal you 1-5edylr-oa. I htink eb you'd ve'i ecmo ohw dourp of fra.
.
And 'mi cbka ot wtdaen fetl of tath nowk sya so tujs i ,etnh uyo doemhrewevl oyu i prduo. ;out ouy ti epkt ahrd nwhe uyo asw ti gguhted ggino. Het su rlodw 'im nda dmeese aycsr sure ot ibg. Lstil stsmemeoi it eso,d. Go ta is atht i rofm nocnctoivi os i ldfile ecma 'mi abkc ot llist wrhee but okol dan far ihtw rheet. Gte enedilbcir is gds'o na in nlpa ot dna od,go veatunedr i aterrpn. Kloso y'udo lfie eieffdntr eb rfo owh nwo ,me me mazdea ttleil at. I'm hepairp but hucm so os,. .
.
Tsih me to ption egnitgt rof tankhs. Otn igvgin hasnkt up ofr. Uoy i vole. Rgheotet in kool !rseya hrtonae cbka tsl'e fiev.
.
Nrye,eilcs.
You het mrfo uuefrt.
5/[]4260/2.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

Write new comment

Load more comments