A letter from Nov 13th, 2021

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi future me. I don't know if you're alive to read this but if you are, i'm so incredibly proud of you. I am really struggling right now. I can't get clean, and I feel like i'm hanging onto life by a thread. this is a message to you to remind you to keep going. i don't know what life is like when you get this, I don't know if mom is alive, or if you're still in love with T, or if I'm recovering from my ED, and SH. I wanted to tell you a few things future me, then I wanted to ask you some questions. firstly, you need to reach out for help. if you can't fix it on your own you need to talk to our parents. they might send you to grippy sock jail, but to be honest, we probably need it. if I wasn't afraid of leaving everything I have so fragily built up I would check myself in right now. secondly, you need to learn how to set boundaries. i'm trying so hard to cut P out of our life because of his constant hate, and homophobia, and ******, and abuse, but I can't because D won't let me. the other thing I wanted to talk to you about was n, and p. have you come out to them, and if you have, are they speaking to us? I wouldn't be surprised if they just cut me out. remember to talk to t, alright? if you're asking which one, both of them. talk to both of them. a very wise fortune cookie told me that it is during difficult times when true friends become apparent, so remember to reach out. and remember, living isn't just going to school and singing at shows, and doing homework, and going to collage. its moments like the basement moment, when the world fell away completely, and the only thing that was left was us, just like when you saw her for the first time in a year and a half, and the first time you gave N a hug in years. life is the little things too. its foggy mornings, and singing in choir, and when we put the twinkle lights on the Christmas tree. if you can't stay for anything else, stay for that.

Epilogue

1 day later

you are so strong my darling, you are so strong. I am more proud of you than you could even imagine. I know you are hurting, I know how bad...

To htea it tsi btrete oyu h,tusr taht caytalotlumia ltel 'oentsd dna i tge. Dna rvoe i ,hguoht a eugrs been fomr eslf coeemb for encla mnhs,ot am nad sels hte alnce ramh lsse fnterqeu tlielt vei' hrtee. Iagnte anteioptut obatu sr,eroidd as orf etarf a tsih uyo ym ttarenmte drsoeird wrote gaiten oint tenw uyo thnom. Of het yuro swa elfi neo gtnshi it fo tohusget. Rpeisopvut ewf of tinhgfgi dad nda dan tsnohm rhete ggettni lpe,h uyo was a mmo ofr tstnoanc 'rwntee. Og nda orf og ,ewke eonc rphteya hte dah orpug to had corotds a hotmn ot on a urohs evro uyo oen ot yuo oen and 4 ot efiofc. Stdanie to aebusec nad nnesit vnghia dtietmad of mero ouyr rahte ise,uss eahtpyr uot na uoy astmol but otg ivnge ogt etkan uoy iaeittpnn aolpshti aws. Oyu eehr nloy si uyo trastehip tog noraes ohw eth ulykcli aazingm yilem are an naedm aotyd. .
Eretbt tog so omm amllnyet ubt ph,icllsyay not. Ew ot nad tou of rietd reh slta she tkal adh ot iiudsec eyra cotmim it. Fiel fo one the uro fo dhtasre it tonmsme aws. .
Onsmht mpro ot us yuo ew foecdsesn oebfer ,t 3 feeobr eth yteh ylflain tdead nad yda orf peudmd. Uto ellyra work dnecitsa uot goln steond' nutrs. Eupkbra nghit it ew hte si autbo rtdshae het sicen lla letdak htat ta'vneh. Infrrlegdi tsol nad a a ndiref btes os we. .
Emda lla fo you taht btu thrhogu ti. .
In 'twsna ti nad avin. .
On rioch the elaryl ytuclala adn og sti ufn yuo rtpi. Dteospp ltos eht yuo whitge fo agrnie ta,nfi and you msot yuo nligeef. Wsa iwlndiwrh adn nacylrtei you a htwi a ehfndripis aedm efindrs of j ti. Thme tnahks dogo ot ohbt utb erew yuo nda dba rtsap a starp teehr patylilar adh gdoo remsum. .
Lal htats ,easry tub ylrlea you efart idcov htose gte tomtnprai ont. .
Elopep go to amiazng smto yuo teem oyu nad hent la eth.
Eewk caualt eflt anem i ilke an eht imveo. M, ekmdos a asw fro we nad erotw on with otp t eekw a eohttrge to dan t eewd nssog z, eraagg kainrgp b, and elba etg fo. Lal eaddcn nwet uyo adn dna eht netw tals hte onarud hwti hguobtr dna a a ew rnneid adn ady gbi then dealyp and to on aehbc ot iusmc eornyeev lal sekmod iuratg. Btse my utb ti were ifel fo lal saw teh eylalr we hting hihg. .
.
Yuo ikd m hiwt both adn os wne otu k, ,f a eth aiggnnh mndea teim tetrdas adn a tou l all nhaggin yuo ,r eewr ottuwhi. Rifts of sratt the bnhcu fro lrrageu and atrestd time a iodng n,uf lal uyo snete ouy sightn hvniag do. Gktani 'oeruy mom fo rcea mneayor pu ingsayt ont. You ranit eaggar dtsaret ni apgiknr ot csr,akt and cwr eth eht nggoi. Ot yuo oeksm time lal iekl hte damn strat. Teg cuseabe ruo ew ta tfsir sit no adhns tunlcod' gteectsiar deew. Nthe ekhystc rlyael agprkni romf a guy uoy cimkanre lto iths seom uyb ni ubt. Dad ryuo fmro ni lmels ihtw tneh ti oyu adn yuo moro ryuo snese uroy ellsm ti ceachst uyo tosl esacbue dcovi fo ntca'. Dan i on de iedrw dna cneintoi ,ewed hihcw tedysa is sure os atht my ton i a vloe but ewde hiwt rfeidn 'hes setg,rieatc ton iwth it? dems go sme?d mi thwi evah eh otsyr hs tenyiax btu orf 'wton ocipitresrpn nief uporg lgno eiv fnie pssurigrylni yawnya tel eh yuo orhst eddrat is bescaeu. L snorep mnade erdttas eisgen slao 'ueovy hits. Ehyt keil oreu'y hrateds lkei but emht gnhsti uoy ot rea lelray gnityr oruy idrew nad. Btu ikel he,mt t neanoy to do yuo scein vree ebne tsi eilk ardh leyrla. .
Aws it dah eevr l ,bad gdoo or tsju ym adn srtfi whit skis ngtioth tawn's i ti. .
Lsao iaynmict yienirbcdl aols i of but am uogrthh eht eavcr imte lal thta ti hist esma ednrael i fo csared ta. .
.
Ebrva os r,agldni ouy i so leov muhc oyu are. .
.
Nad ttha bermreem rea lvoe to yuo etrhe igngo, oppeel ohw keep. .
.
Igsnmoeht shit dna i fo all zrdaleie uthrgoh. .
I dwluo ceudeesdc fsemyl fi frmo adh uhtr vdase i ni so lsemfy umarat cumh dan heav iinlglk. So no doulw uto btu aymn tefbiuaul sdesmi i vaeh stnigh. I giana adn all ldocu teh biafleutu i eefl go oludw turghho epcneexiser ujst os ti aanig. .
Whit amsnebte eemrbrem t hte.
Wsoh asiydndlne j tglih ihwt emeberrm the.
Mermreeb and ihtng hte ttah ceah,b. .
The nrdue tcaskr rnapkgi hte in no artin tath eth yad dibreg nda rmmeeebr aeggra adn. .
Eevla so uhmc namy tuo ngmiiss eb be duclo fi lyl'ou sheot tnmomes tath ereth dna uyo on so klie aultfebiu rmereebm. .
Saty nsogtr nlirgad. .
L,ove whit.
Nda ptas c uruetf. .

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

Write new comment

Load more comments