A letter from Oct 21st, 2021

Hi Anika, Hopefully your still alive! lol What's up I have uploaded this for your 4 years in progress. I know masyadong onti but I want u to feel the bliss already of this letter kasi honestly ur at your lowest now. It's still pandemic sana now hindi na. but now you're with ur family and u still have friends, but u still feel lonely. You have some money and u are still trying to improve yourself, but you still feel like a failure. Maybe because you were living with your parents at nasa Bicol ka, kaya wala ka masyadong nagagawa. You had your dreams all planned out before the pandemic, pero it happened in an instant and parang nawalan ka din ng direction. Like u would just wake up late, exercise, bath, tiktok, do some computer stuff, go to mama or papi, then feed the dogs, eat, social media, do computer stuff and that it. your life became boring and u became aware of that. you actually have been planning to leave now, but the thought of leaving is scary but you know u have to do it. The anxiety of you finding a job again and the rejection is something that scares you for sure cause you have to wait again. And for you waiting is the hardest. Honestly pinipigilan ka pa din nga nila mama, but you have your ways. you know u have to do it.     Now, how are you? I just wanted to remind you the feelings you had 4 years ago because I think you're in a much better state. how's living alone? I think you like it already especially with a room with an artsy interior. you might be in the family condo or you're renting a place for yourself, because you know you're job now does pay very well and you love it right? hopefully you do. you could already be leading a team I guess and be that **** leader. but at the same time I imagine you to have changed your career path. Maybe a bit of architecture on the side and another hustle. I think you already found your calling and passion. Honestly I see you someone who would inspire people and empower them because that's what you do try to do to your friends. How's mama and papa? did they trust you already to leave? I guess so. How was the approval of your design to Papi? I think you are already confident in showing papi all your works nd if ever you're still in architecture whenever you come home does the construction workers trust you more? I think so They don't know who they are dealing with, with all the knowledge you have gained in this past 4 years. How is Ati? is she already stable? **** u already have niece and nephew?! like what the **** love them so much ha! treat them as your own kahit super annoying pa rin ni ati? Hopefully you two got closer together as well. It seem to have come so fast. One moment you were this seedling now you're growing your trunk. I can also tell you already have started the stock market! Is it in bull run? hopefully coz u need money to treat your parents like duh! Omg have you already gone to Japan? I'm hoping the pandemic is already over so you have been able to travel if not was Palawan good? How did mama take the boat ride? **** you would have gotten to palawan last 2019 remember you're first sponti adventure with friends and crush remember Aldrich he was your crush then lol does it make u cringe now?     Speaking of crushes, in my time you experience a minor heartbreak you remember Máté? the Hungarian dude you met at blahtherapy. yeah you two became close right? like reaaally close and becoming flirty flirty lol you two also exchange random memes and videos and something spicy like daamn well not to spicy like just words lol. actually as of now (Oct. 14, 2021) you're still talking to him but he forgot you're birthday. It's been 2 months actually since you two met. How are you two? are you still friends? or did you two end it if so whyyy? or maybe even lovers? just kidding but for real did you two even got together or nah? anyway I said heartbreak because there was a moment that the feeling confused you like you shouldn't have cared but you blew this all out of proportion. You romanticized how you two met so that's something. I actually have a photo of him in your Penzu account so you can be reminded of it your pandemic crush. I'm not really sure if I can see you two together coz I don't think he ever thought about us, but if ever u two did was he good to u? Did you two ever met? and how was it? I hope he did stayed in your life for the better and no bad blood between you coz for a moment he did made u smile like hot ****.      In any case, I hope you're happy with your significant other, I think he's treating you so good coz you know what you want. he gives you a bouquet of chicken rather than flowers, you two are gym buddies, he's very thoughtful of you and he tries his best in preparing to give the world to you, because maybe he's the one you'll finally marry. He's like those guys from Ghibli films feminist and funny. I kinda imagine you two being Aileen and deven the ones from tiktok is tiktok still a thing? were u shocked when you really knew he loves you? coz you won't believe it in the first coz in love or attention you always doubt yourself. But now, you have loved yourself already so your confident with whatever. The way you dress yourself, the makeup you put on, your body, and the way you present yourself. because you have learned how to project the best of you to people.      In any case your single, don't worry you might have come into terms to it but you never closed the door in finding love unless something traumatic happened. You are now sure of yourself right? so it doesn't bother you. You won't settle for less just to have a boyfriend. but hopefully you're no longer a virgin HAHAHAHA joke you might be even saving it for marriage just keep going. I also really hope that in the process you've become so kind to yourself you have accepted your frizzy hair, the large face, the huge smile, and just anything huge in you lol. I'm curious how's ur hair hopefully it looks much better now and you have cut it short! In general you've accepted yourself so you haven't been as harsh as before like now you have felt ugly and just don't know how to act on camera which you get so conscious about. You've accepted the fate that your hot no matter what. Even on your off days. You might even had the glow up you've been waiting for.      If you have just come from a heartbreak, Why did you break up? for sure it will be because you didn't see something in him that u were hoping to.how does it feel? I know it hurts so much that you can't even move, you are so down girl. Don't think about him too much or maybe you should until you ******* get tired of it. Don't worry your past self was curious on a heartbreak well this is the answer. But you're surely gonna get over it and move on with life. Travel again, look at your bank account you can go abroad alone! Don't worry 4 years ago you were also in a slump but you got through it so don't worry about it too much. Recreate yourself be the person they can't have, you'll be that ******* hot lol.     Hey, also how are your friends cristel, kevin, and shan? they were the people that helped u be u and just be calm about yourself. Then there are also Vea, Bea, dn Kim they taught you how to be loved (They sent you a package for makeuo honestly, so never settle for less because your friends do **** for you. Hopefully you're all still bestie everyone of them because they made you feel so good about yourself and telling them random stuff. In any case you haven't talked to them tell them you miss them your different group of friends. you should still know who they are but in case you don't Sinigang, fashown girls, 1st year friends, and gaming friends. Also, you have an internet friend named Rhouda you two hit it. she's from UAE so asked how's she doin hopefully u two got still got it. **** she was like a sister you can have lol.     **** I'm just so excited for you, like what are you ******* doing. I wish I could teleport myself there to give u a kiss and a hug that **** you made it. you're as happy as ever compared to now. I hope you really got all those made you happy. In any case you're still in the process you got this, you'll arrive there at least now you're happier and focused. You're recreating a part of you for the better. Remember life is short so just ******* do it stop thinking so consciously. I love you forever and always. Don't give up everything will align soon. I'm just gonna be a part of your past that helped build the you now.    Anyway I can't choose what date to send you this on the same date here lol. Love you! your past, 24 years old Anika