A letter from Oct 10th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, If you read this, maybe let E. read this? I'm not sure if you're ready to talk to her about everything, then yeah. If not, let someone else you trust read it. Hey, I saw a post about a boy who knew the end of his relationship would come to an end but held onto hope to fix it. In the end, he couldn't. It made me think of what happened. Almost 2 years ago, can you believe that? I read the letters you wrote, I wanted to feel special one last time. It gave me hope, but it was too late. Funny how things turned out isn't it? I stayed out of relationships, and you got into one. You leaving was a wake-up call, and all of the pain I went through pushed me to see my flaws and love myself. My anger for you made me look at what I hated for so long and accept it was me. In time I learned to love the flaws and beauties just like you did once. I haven't told anyone your secrets, and I doubt I told you any of mine. I was always a secretive person after all, but I did let you in on some. Maybe you forgot, maybe you chose to not say anything about them. You weren't that person to do so. I'm glad you weren't, had you done so, you would've gotten help from others learning your secrets. Not the same for me, unfortunately. I notice the subtle movements, but next time just say so, please. Don't keep me guessing, it didn't turn out well. When we had that little playful argument, I felt like that excitement flow through me again, I always loved debating our views and opinions. Do you remember math? When we argued over an answer for the longest time, and you ended up being right anyway? That was fun. I hate arguing, but if it's like that, I'll do it anytime with you. We won't go back to our friendship, both of us aren't willing to. I feel you think I don't like you, in truth I do. I have no negative feelings for you anymore, but I don't praise you either. I fear you will be the one I may never get over, but learn to live with. I still debate with myself if I am ready to commit seriously to another relationship, and if I like people or not. Still, I focus on what I need. A relationship right now isn't one of them. It'd be nice though, to have someone to talk to and hang out with and feel comfortable with again. Someday it'll happen. The memories slowly fade away each day, and little by little I lose that part of me that loved you dearly. Good riddance too. Someday we will part ways and you won't hear from me for years, maybe you'll forget me. Maybe I will forget you. In another life, we could've been.