A letter from Sep 26th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Happy birthday. Who was the first person to wish you a happy birthday this year? Was it Lorenna like the last 6 years? Could be this letter. That'd be weird - the first person to wish you a happy birthday was yourself, but from the past. I'm not that far behind in the past. It's been only 3 months. I'm not feeling very motivated at the moment and I hope you don't feel the same way (please tell me you didn't procrastinate getting better for 3 god**** months lol). I've finally convinced Vincent to play Valorant with me and he seems to be liking it. I'm still not an pro but I'm not that bad. I got 2nd place in ***** match four times today lmao. I still refuse to play competitive mode, that's just too much pressure. I just found out I got a 10 in my portuguese exam. Pretty good, huh? I has been months since the last time I fully watched a class. But I guess that doesn't matter since I still get good grades. It's not my fault the classes are so boring and repetitive (and the exams so easy). Have you started practicing the piano? I really want to start playing again. I can't find the motivation to do so. I'd rather stick to watching piano covers on youtube for hours straight imagining I'm the one playing it. I think about shifting everyday. Manifesting too. But I don't do anything about it. I spend the whole day picturing and planning my "perfect life" and refuse to take action on it. I never start. I don't know how to. I've been waiting for motivation to come but it's been months and I got nothing. I know I should start doing something and stop complaing but it's hard - maybe it's not and I'm just lazy and apathetic. But could I be lazy and apathetic when all I do is think and worry about me wasting my life? If I'm lazy and apathetic, why do I care? I feel like this letter is terrible and I'm sorry for making you read this. I bet you're way more mature and smarter than me. The only person I trust enough to open up to is myself. Therefore, I thought this'd be a good idea. Right now I'm listening to a frequencies/subliminals playlist on spotify and feeling like a child who believes in fairy-tales. I feel stupid, but there's no harm in trying it - it might help, maybe. When will I stop planning and start taking action? I really hope you're over all this now. I really hope you're not feeling the exact same way. I can't stand the idea of behaving like this for one whole year. I started writing this letter yesterday and that's why the beginning sounds way happier than this. Sorry about it, I'm not having a good day. Mom and I were talking about my future and she used the sentence "your future boyfriend or girlfriend". That felt good. It sounded natural, like either one was completely fine. Cool. I don't know how to end this so bye. Hope you're well.