A letter from Sep 25th, 2021 - 6 months on

It's been three days. And it's been hard. It's the right thing to do because I need my independence from him. I need to be open to growing and not held back in an immature relationship that is trying to be more mature than it should. It wasn't an unhealthy relationship but we outgrew the love we knew. I still love him and I still care about him. It's easier for me though because I had time to think, to analyse my decision towards it. He didn't. It didn't come like a bullet but it still hit him hard. He knew something was up and he realised it in the end. I tried so hard to make it about me and tell him that it wasn't his fault. Because he did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. He tried to love me and care for me and he succeeded. It was just the fact that I was growing faster than him and realising that I need some time and freedom to be myself. And the hard truth was that he was holding me back. With him, I was a lesser version of myself. I was happy but I could feel myself slipping away from him. I love him so much and emotionally I am still there. But his touch and his physicality towards me has worn off. It has no effect on me. His voice still gives me butterflies and seeing him still makes me smile. But it makes me guilty to think that he won't move on. I hurt him. And that's what makes me regret it, what keeps me up at night. But all that just reminds me that I care. That our love was real. And I would never take it back for anything. He's still a friend even though it may take him some time to adjust to this new life. I respect him which is why I don't want us to have any drama about this. I respect him which is why I'm still wearing his necklace. I respect him which is why I still follow him on Instagram, why I still smile and wave at him from across the hallway. I respect him which is why I still care. I care too much. But mostly I care about myself. I'm doing what's best for me. I have to remind myself that that isn't selfish - It's self-love and it's self-respect. I respect him so I respect myself in the choices I make. But It doesn't mean it isn't hard. Olivia, I wish you the best with your journey to be your full self :)