A letter from Sep 24th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!1!1!1! THIS IS A LETTER FROM ONLY A FEW WEEKS AGO BUT STILL LOL I've actually re written this twice but both times i nearly ended up crying so I'm gonna keep it light and short this time lol ✋💀 You are 15!1!1!1! I'm sure it feels the same. What did u do for our birthday this year? Get clothes? Get your nails done? Get a meal with bella and mom? even though all that sounds fun i really hope you have a friend to share it with. I don't think it's likely I'll gain a Friend within the next 15 days but it's possible!1!1 I hope today you love yourself. Even if it's hard. I hope today you don't overthink too much. I know you will. I hope today you feel at ease and got a good night's rest. I hope today you eat yummy food and don't think of the consciences. I hope today you laugh a lot and have a good time. I hope today there are no tears, like last time. I hope today you aren't on your period. I know that it won't be big. But i hope you feel special. I hope you know that even when things don't go your way people love and care for you. Even if you don't understand why. I hope you have a friend to wish you happy birthday. I want you to feel happy today. Not guilty. Or ugly. Or overly self conscious. Or disgusting. Or numb. Just simply content that this is your day. Who knows, maybe you'll get to go to that Korean restaurant you've been wanting to go to and get to try kimchi. Even if u don't, I'm sure you'll have fun. Even though this is only two weeks ahead of my current time i know you will be working on yourself, just as you always are. For better, or for worse. I know you are probably trying hard to be healthy. Even if u don't want to get out of bed, you get up and drink a liter of water each morning. I know you are trying to be happy. Even if you want to cry and scream at how alone you feel, and you hold yourself together. But i also know you are struggling to achieve these things. I know you hate your body. I know you feel depressed without friends. I know you are losing hope on yourself. But even for just today. Let. It. Go. You can ask for things. You can be okay with yourself. You can let yourself go. Even if it's just today. This is your day. Even if it ends up only being you bella and mom and you don't have a friend. Things will be okay. Happy birthday. Future me. You are beautiful. Even when you don't see it. Everyone else does. They aren't lying. Happy birthday future me. Your have the ability to brighten someone's day. You are so radiant and wonderful. Happy birthday future me. There are people who love you so much that when they catch you falling apart they step in and take action. Even when u don't want it. You are so valuable that no amount of money could replace you. You are worthy of your love. Even if nobody else knows, i know you are doing your best. You feel when u mess up. You know how to cheer others up. You know when things aren't okay. You know when to react when things get stressful for mom. You are worthy of your love, but also other people's. And even though I don't quite believe my own words as i type them. *Quite frankly I'm only able to write this imagining it's for someone else*. But I hope on this day, you know they are true. Happy birthday, future me. Love, yourself