A letter from Sep 17th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Hello! It's September 17 of 2021. About a month ago I began my highschool journey. God, I really do mean it when I say hate school. I've probably had the most breakdowns over school these last few weeks than ever before. I don't like it at all. It's not what I wanted it to be. I wanted to change, make friends, be happy. But no. Instead, I'm stressing, crying, and staying the same or so I would say. One of my goal was to be more outgoing and social and make friends. It hasn't happend to be honest. I've only made about 3 new "friends". But I don't feel I can connect to them like I want to. It might take time, but I feel I don't want to open up to them. Maybe I just have to be closer with them. I'm not sure. Also! I've been going to dance practice for Danielas quince. You see, me and Daniela have an awesome friendship and I've told her things I might have never told anyone. She's somone I can tell my secrets to, someone who answers when I send them a message and she will almost always match my energy. I really love Danilea, she's a great friend to me. :) I'm not sure if I see her in my future. I don't even see myself in the future past 20. But I love her being my friend for aslong as our friendship lasts. I do wish her a good happy life and future. She deserves happiness. I don't want her to feel like I do. But anyways, back to quince practice! It's been fun, and shopping as damas is also very exciting. I think we will have fun on her quince aswell. Its a new experience for all of us. I hope its good. Again though, sometimes I feel not so outstanding and gosh I hate, hate,hate, myself for not being as awesome, social, and outgoing as everyone else. I don't know why I'm just me.. I don't know, I just wish I was different and not always quiet and shy. The first reason I wrote is because I don't feel so happy. Infact, I've been feeling depressed. More than ever now. School and myself just don't make me happy. It hurts to say that, because I want to be happy with myself but I just can't. I absolutely despise myself for being a loser. Not to mention, today I think I just fucked up a friendship with Miriam. Miriam is cool, I like hanging out with her and talking to her. We can always bully eachother jokingly. Today during lunch she had decided to call me and well, I was with another new friend I made. We were walking the hallways and it was so hard listening to my phone and talking to my friends while I walked through the loud hallway. Then I tried to listen and I have no idea what I did. But I didn't hear Miriams voice and I saw she hung up on me. I texted her saying what happened, and I remember hearing something about her saying she won't talk to me. I genuinely don't know what I did or say to hurt her. If it was a mean joke, I suppose, but that was always how we had talked to eachother. I texted her and I tried to apologize if I did unintentionally hurt her feelings. She has left me on delivered for about 5 hours according to the time I'm writing this right now. When you get this, has she opened or texted back? I really hope we atleast talk things out so I can understand what I did. From there she has the right to decide if she really wants to stick with me as a friend. I can't force her to accept my apology, but at the least I tried to communicate. I really am hoping this stupid incident is fixed before I go back to school because then I really won't be functioning. I might ask Daniela what's up with Miriam. She was there and well, if Miriam hasn't opened or replied to my message I have to ask because that's not right. I'm giving Miriam time, but I think I also have a right to know whats up and if she wants to fix it or not. I don't want to leave it like this. It would be so dumb to end a friendship like this.. I'm wishing myself luck with this situstion. :) Everything will end up fixing itself as life goes on. Bye bye, Andrea from September 17, 2021 7:11 p.m.