A letter from Aug 14th, 2021

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Courage is your best quality. Without courage, you would probably be stuck in a loveless marriage right now. Instead, you're sad in a much more preferable way, in my opinion. He would have wanted kids and you both would have ruined their lives with your unhappiness that neither of you could see. So the best thing that happened during your 23rd year was you breaking up with him and then cutting him out of your life. The second-best thing that happened was when you rediscovered the music you like. I'm not sure who I'd be today without this music. When I hear it feels like I can see the world through a lens that makes sense to me. I wonder if you still have your lip piercing. It was a direct result of the music and in some odd way, it has been consistently reminding me who I am. Also, it's a great deterrent for society; filters out the people who think of me differently because of it. An unfortunate thing that happened was that you didn't get the hugs you deserved. Life has been great but it has also been exceptionally difficult and you had to get through it on your own. Yes, I'm grateful for all my amazing friends who listened to me and supported me. That helped alleviate a lot of the loneliness. A fun thing that happened very recently is that I got a job at a really nice organization with a work environment to die for. The people are great, the work is great. I could very easily get obsessed with this organization and lose sight of what I want to do with my own. And also, lose sight of my plans to leave the country. If I could live alone, I would but it's a constant risk and a pointless financial drain - which is why I wanted to go abroad in the first place. So I could be by myself without the constant risk of social stigmatization and. well, rape. I hope you're doing better. I hope you're happier. I hope you haven't lost the music. I hope you get to go to a BMTH concert soon. I hope you keep loving yourself without growing narcissistic. Everything I do is for you. I love you more than anyone else probably ever will, and that's fine. I think you're pretty amazing and I don't time that's going to fade away with time. I hope you learn to be content and happy with your own company. If I've been strong enough to be okay till now, I'll be okay. A-ok. Love. P.S. Happy Independence Day. I hope you feel less guilty for your privilege.

Epilogue

over 1 year later

Dear Me,

Breaking up with someone you have dated for the entirety of your university years, your formative youth years, is not easy. I'm so proud of you for having...

Od that have ouy niegdaim rhtaref hatt you ot tog ouy nad letl im' teh pahpy tahn aeroguc cauoerg thta to wlodu evre. .
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G,ilr rneve aigna ouy keem ttha reev ewer. Of gicoembn rofm an mn,aiazg fouwerlp mnwao yuo newt ni anps eth ciyamaelacld lgurstnigg rsyae two ot. To wrhotg ot uoy yonevere uory tno enbe tub ynlo em hsa nni,eas dnurao. Uyo owt ketp yel*csnstnit*o yarse oskching yenveore dan ofr ngpiisnri. .
.
Lony 2 o,wn i'ts. My ni tsi' epts 5 next lfee saeyr ietm od liek i orf bgi flei rtae,l hte. Si earch eth to'nd ni be i ot kwno alsyaw btu me oetsr for sa i wlil eruogac it igrbeg ofr htaw as olng ttha omngesthi otu i vhae. Ptas eth in 2. I 5 uoy ahtt lcdlea sryea, obj eflt mzaigna. Stuj konw oameyrn aws ot i vensgri 'wants htaw i ti di'ntd ex,tn od i kenw ngogi em. Ygernam to i efridn dcddeie rof ym hreonat to mrssaet' twhi tesb go. Gig ehtn maret at got ince i a my lama tbu. Aubot of i i ekgapins tpsa aniezdgor evetns neevr eth teh wiht dcluo idnk ymneo ni eamg ingmiae. For to a adnorm idasu ariaab i ecofncnree wtne. I ssraoc thwi vdero eutkyr my etsb nedrfi. Un hte kwerod nda dlhinaat ofr tdeatend ccrnfeoeen in i a. Po8c2 of thouy oynug esverbro wnte ocall no iubda nad ym of from ures aetm tgo un to rtvlae eht zdonirage in saty adn i all gn!eaam sytdu sakpntia larru a ni udclo erov i beda!g nedcducto elpeop ta a!tatht oaetdircret i and dahe idd rifst os a mead mc!uh rfeoecnnec i spsaitn'ka rof ym re!fe to enitsyrivu i mbcaee a.
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Ouy idd eyhgvrtnie atth ielbeev gertehviny dpnh,eaep tath i 'cnta. Erwe s,ye ekbssatc rtehe. You iodeteartgrin nebe ilap,chslyy ahhlet tkaswee teh aer oyu veha vree wyaals is ruoy. Ouy mayn metis yuro eahtr tucon to oto ahd vhae rbknoe. Ia,lmfy dna yeuv'o dfnries deylpe thru ceusegolal enbe yb. Gte hte tcspiiol eevolgwnhrim cna. Yr'euo btu gkntia thwi areyhpt nad oyu iynxeat gluegstr ,snipeoerds. .
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Eth estcdhrac rae i'ts eth teh dan uerafcs mnaet rae y'uoer cpxnoateesit you be elmgabaenanu cat'n soroenmu, uye'ov how :) who csbaeeu uyo tseismome hintong baylre ssrets anc fo utb to egt dna ehadnl.
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Nad ocol so uhmc veol are uyo os uyo i. .

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