A letter from Jul 12th, 2021

dear lauren, i'm back on penn's campus for the first time since march 2020. I'm living alone for the first time since march 2020. i have an in-person job and i'm back at my lab for the first time since march 2020. it honestly feels so weird at this point; the whole city/country/world is opening back up and I always reach for my mask before I leave the house, but I never end up wearing it for more than a few minutes at a time- now, I only wear it at the front of restaurants or coffeeshops, going up the elevator at CHOP, on the septa. i don't even wear a mask at the gym anymore, can you imagine that? insane. i feel this strange sort of trepidation every time I come within 6 feet of another unmasked stranger, at a bar or in lab or in the radian elevator, wondering if they also feel nervous and are hoping i'm vaccinated as well and putting a strange little bit of trust in this random person not to get me sick with a deadly disease. although, I imagine by the time you read this, you'll be used to a life without masks and social distancing. is that life really better? do you miss the quietness and slower pace of the pandemic? these days, i'm studying for the mcat and working with nate at chop. i wake up around 7, make myself breakfast (a toasted bagel with cream cheese), put in my airpods and walk to chop. i try to do my anki on the way. i read a jack Westin article first thing, and then I do work. i use the vibratome, or I do antibody staining, or I help nate with something else he needs done. i have lunch with christy at the arc cafeteria, and then I walk home and work out and study mcat in the evening. I've been drinking a lot, going to house parties or bars or dates. I've been sleeping with julius on the side. i'm figuring out my sexuality and really embracing my bi-ness. I've been running to clark park and the woodland cemetery. i hang out with meghan and gwen, my lovely roommates. i facetime my parents. i listen to music, which at this point is a lot of taylor and haim. i'm stressed out about med school and I get lonely sometimes, although it's not really lonely for a relationship with another person, moreso a relationship with myself. i'm anxious about spending a whole year in Philadelphia and i'm wondering if my senior year grades will get worse because we're not online anymore. by this time I hope you've made a somewhat home out of Philly and Penn. i hope you've learned how to stay grounded in this smelly city and filter out all of the competitive noise. i hope you're genuinely excited for our future. but most of all, I hope that you've become a version of ourselves that I could not even begin to fathom. i hope that you surprise me. let's face it, if I could sit here and perfectly picture the person I'll be in a year, that would be pretty dull. i love you and I hope you are well. lauren