A letter from Jun 16th, 2021

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, what did the doctor tell you, was it bad news, or good news,=if you are able to have kids in the future omg thats so great, youve come so far in life, finally graduated out of high school, going to college, for summer classes, but you make it a big deal because i get to expiriment at least 3 months of college, I am proud of you for graduating last few years have been hell. they have, finally you wont be able to see rudy thank god we are passed it. so what happend? was it bad news? good news? tell me everything, are you able to have kids, did the doctor come up with a plan, during that process? if you are able to, YAY! if you arent then. well at least you can adopt a child who needs a family, or you could get a ton of dogs, and those could be your children lmao, as im writing this I am scared as ****, wanting for the 24th of june to come quick so i know if i could have kids, ive been praying day and night crying to give me the blessing to become a mother, perhaps not now, me and pranav are very busy, and right now its a difficult time for me to become a mother because of my depression. I know I shouldnt be depressed, but here I am. You have alot of things ahead of you, you have a lot to accomplish. hopefully you'll have the blessing to be a mother, your sezuires may not be curable, but dios will have his ways.- june 15, 2021 Maria Alvarez Chavez

Epilogue

almost 3 years later

Hey 18 year old self, If you would have seen your 20 year old self now you would be in pieces, the doctor told me that I just have to...

Eavh ldo tbu de,rege aromj wtih own gnaehcd a ifel uyo i 4220 evah adn omedlpetc evha nad diks ups onwds, ym reay hbenid ebne neeci im’ 2 reaflu,c eb i sillt i itb thta ti’s rtage ahs a tno so cna eht. Nngonyai hse’s l,radaoeb sdki utb. I adgcne,h ’ist anc dan tsgyduin rou me ysa rae rof eeefsrg atdiencs niothng era nrcpygaen olgn bnee no rckyo sltli, tath vapanr ttogheer we tqieu ltils. Vaeh i tonyilserpa own blrndeeior. Etsnddnura yuo ’tudownl qieut. By eulaxlys rosry i gto raaybn seautlsda i’m. You twha ioggn been hturohg si ton have siht. S’it yeht like i ti’s won ftalu tuhogh eefl neve ton sillt asy htat my. Eebn m’i osyrr i oden fro nv’haet os hatw lsef” itgtunc ive’ oyu ot tgn“eeae. So i ilwl ereh mya tsla uyo i and 12 nooger 0224 fiadra eb up elik odgo had fdkceu a in ydrthiba ’lli ma a edwe yrae own uyro adsd’ ptray you ont 10 nda vaeh oskem. Llo yhep ibg astrt ,savep of i orfm dnterdosou eevnr idnk a the. Zruieses i uyo pkee nhgavi do okber jbo chrate hseot ilstl iehretn peke uyo nufgkci cuigfnk htbci a eon ’ntca. Mi’ dsdeettvaa. Athe ti i heer gkfunci. Dad hlloacho my darh tpso ot sotp try ym nad dda nlwoudt’ i keam mchu own hohtgu ot eirtd eh os os ’evwe vene heat. Im’ lnuti ginurnt onw tath 12. Nfdi t’ond ilef shi i yemanor hwy eh nwat mhi ebne griidnkn ot out lal i lal grtniy my ielf tenps has. I tub i fdni otnanc hgyntina inrkd wnhe. I flee cat’n he ahtw sdeo. Fnnuy cptexe wsdro for dan ngkilwa islgnrur. Ro lyper ot !tlnioaoem uabot htsi a iterw netharo eibng bcka lli’ nohtm. Tesew aelmrib ltltei. Uoy ahve rfa esesvder ohw eb ookl iienrchdnl uoyr ,vcrmoeeo🥹 still ot vldeo. Reehw ot oyu to emse og ifnd n’cta. Be in nwo olts wlodr l’il uory kbac. N💖oos.

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