A letter from Apr 30th, 2021

Hi Elise, I'm wondering how you're doing. Are you okay? How are you feeling? As promised, I'm sending a second letter with updates on my feelings and the situation. I don't remember exactly where I was at the moment I wrote the past letter, but I've been here for about 4 days. In the meantime I returned once or twice to Vincent. Each time somehow saddened me and I did not feel good about it. I feel like I'm less than important to him any more. More of an object that he can shove around on a game board. I feel like shit, I feel sad, I feel hurt, and I feel miserable. I'm sorry if I'm going to make a choice that you regret, but it's for the best. You don't need to be dependent on someone else to achieve results, to find solutions or resources. Just go out and talk to people, ask questions, share information, make friends. I can't see the big picture right now, only the way that I feel. I've met some people the past few days. I don't know if we'll stay friends, I hope I can make at least one really close friend. There is one guy and girl that I feel could be really close friends. Like the type of friends I always imagined I'd have both online and in real life. I still feel lonely and unfulfilled. I'm thinking that when I break up I will do some sugaring to earn money and try to build some good friendships. Not focus too much on one, maybe make some friends that could be more durable. Are you still talking to Gwen or anyone from Bumble by the way? I met her today, she's really cool. Not a friend I would imagine I have, but she's really a gem. No awkwardness or barely any, she's very talkative and short. She's also half Filipina and Belgian. Either way, I had convinced myself I would break up with Vincent yesterday (or someone did, but I don't trust her as much). However, I'm still here at his house. I think I'll try to do it tomorrow. I know it's going to hurt like a bitch, but I feel like I'm stuck, and I feel that I'm unhappy. I still love him and care about him deeply and there's no denying it, but it's for the better. I know I'll bawl my eyes out and be lonely and be sad and have the whole emotional rollercoaster on a platter but so be it. I'm still young, I'll meet guys like him or girls like him. I'll meet totally different guys or girls and maybe that'll be worse or better. I don't know. You know... When I entered his house today it felt as if I went back in time. I was not used to the scent of his house any. It was a nostalgic feeling. I also posted about the potential breakup on SAAT and a lot of people have shared their experience and advice with me. Words cannot explain how grateful I am for this safe space and the people I've met so far. I feel that there's people I can count on and relationships I can forge or improve. I'm looking forward to it and I'm glad I've been able to keep up some positivity because now I don't feel as alone or isolated in my pain. People reach out to me but I love reaching out to people as well. There is actually a beauty in the development and sustainment of good relations with people around you. Previously, when I was younger I felt alone and bitter. I fear that it has kept people out of my life that I would otherwise still be friends with. I can only look at my past mistakes as a learning process. And so can you future Elsie. If you feel sad... It's okay to cry and feel depressed. But get up the next day and do SOMEthing. Do anything okay, even if you feel hurt. Isolating yourself will only hurt you more. I'm so grateful for the experiences I had with Vincent or the realizations of who I am. The fact that he accepted how I looked in my weird styles, encouraged me to be myself and meet new people. He made me realize that people of all walks can be interesting and that I shouldn't be bitter about one or two or even more bad experiences. I can make the best of it or no I SHOULD. I can try to ask help if I want, people are willing to help. Information is good, I should always try to get more knowledge on opportunities. And FREE activities are even better :) I should go out there and do stuff slightly out of my comfort zone. I should go out there and sport a little bit more. Eating healthy is key, being open is key, communication is key, not being scared of the IF's is key. Elsie, you and I have learned a lot from this relationship. Take the good memories with you, take to life lessons and the motivation and the inspiration with you. But don't hang onto the past, I know you and I know me. It'll probably take a while to get over him even with a rebound. You're stronger than that. Focus on improving yourself, remind yourself of your goals & take care of yourself. Take care of your future and whatever you believe in. Tell me... What are some valuable lessons you've learned so far? How did you learn them? This mail is more of a reminder. The state that I'm in and also for you - that you are worth millions just like I am now. I know we're insecure but remember that the past Elsie and the past Elsies have good faith in you and love you like you should love yourself and they themselves also. I'm happy but I'm hurt. Elise