A letter from February 16th, 2021

Dear Tony, It is Monday, February 15, 2021. You are 22 as of the time of this letter and you decided to write to your future self right after LG with the boys. When I look back at the year 2020 it was one of the hardest years of my life. A lot of downs and lows but I did experience a lot of highs too. If I knew at the beginning of the year 2020 (back when I was in Bahrain visiting my family for winter break) would be the same year that we would be struck by a global pandemic I would have cherished and valued more of my time with my loved ones; instead of bumming around and spending countless of hours hanging out late with my friends and sleeping late. Never the less the time I spent with my family and friends at the start of the year was a very special period. That was the first time I saw my family in 2 years I spent the last two years in the U.S and I was excited to finally visit them. Gabby just keeps on growing its sad to see that he is getting so big, I cant look at him as a baby anymore :( A good memory I had back in B-Town was during New year when I spent with my mom, Gabby and Nick at Sofitel, that was such a fun day and to me it was just nice to be around my family again. Antoher good memory I had back home was seeing my dad and my friends I don't usually see them because I am either away studying in college or my dad is busy traveling but seeing everyone all together for the first time made me happy. I took a break from writing and now three days later you are writing this on Thursday, Feburary 18, 2021 (right after you took a nap, you decided to get this letter completed) 2020 as cliche as it sounds was just a whirlwind of emotions, I went through my first break up with Rachel and that was just a sad time, thankfully I was able to have the support of the church and my mentors and friends to encourage me throughout the time. I remember talking with Jeff and Pablo about it which led to the prayer retreat and later mending my relationships that I broke with all my friends. That specific prayer retreat was a really significant moment in my life. A lot of self reflection, emotions poured and tears. During that retreat I was able to recognize all the ways that I sinned against God and the people that I love dearly. I was able to receive the grace of God through genuine repetnece and I am so thankful I am able to be back at the church and serve God alongside my brothers. In a way that retreat kept me in check, I knew I did want to ever do that again to anybody. Everything was going great the start of the spring 2020 was perfect, I was back at the church, my relationships with the sophmoroes were getting deeper, I was good with eberyome in church everything was going great and suddenly we get struck by Covid-19 and everything had to be shut down. School was transioned remotely, restaurants were closed and we were in lock down. A lot of my housemates decided to move out and stay back home so being at home during a pandemic was pretty lonely. Resorted back to a lot of bad habits and tried out many things that I told myself I would not do. I am thankful though for Pablo, Jeff and Andrew for keeping an eye out for me, visiting me and buying me groceries. It was getting better at the end of my time as I was ready to move out and transition to move in with my peers in Berkeley. That was a blessing in disguise, I could say that back when I was living alone I thought I was doing better but that was obviously a lie. I am so thankful that the Chungus house was able to open their house to me, Philip and Joe. Later on Christian joined us which was awesome! The start of my stay at the Chungus house was great. I love each and every single one of my brothers in that house deeply. John, Merryle, Chibuzor, Michael, Toby, Emilio those guys made my final semester a semester that I did not forget! I couldn't ask for any better way to end my last semester. Doing life with 9 Christian brothers was amazing! (We freaking went to crater lake together and we planned it with no staff coming too!) During that time I was able to spend Christmas and thanksgiving over Jeffs and Anders house. As well as join the TC celebration for Kleysis. Little do they know I am actually an honorary kleysis member ;) I was geninuenly thankful for Jeff and Anders Family for hosting me at their house, It was really nice for them to do as all my family was back home and there were the the only two families that offered to have me over! It was so much fun with a lot of great food! My whirlwind of emotions year ended with an all church new year gathering service and event. It was fun to see a lot of the different praxis churches and members who used to serve our church back when they were in SF. Fast forward to the weekend of the retreat. The dates were from Feburary 12 to 14th, It was the GCWR and that has to be one of the greatest retreats I have ever attended too throughout my college years. I remember crying in Jeffs powerful message. Being hit and convicted by such truth his message on "Faithfulness" and how our generation lacks that as we based our decisions on our emotions. That weekend at the Monterey house was great! Day by day I have my countdown in my mind for my duration of my grace period, I am beginning to feel more anxious as the days go by. Its tough for me, My situation is unfortunate. Being an international student no companies would want to hire you, but never the less I am trusting in God and trusting that he has plan and future for me. Which leads me to my prayer: In a year, Tony, I want you to remember this. You are stressed out right now worrying about your furutre and whether or not you will get to stay in the us or not. I want you to remember that whatever happens, that you must always hold on to your faith,and above all keep God and your relationship with him number above anything else. Times are hard and your emotions are all over the place but never forget to live your life on truth and faithfulness. From that you can be reminded by your internal convictions wherever you are and remind yourself to why you became a Christian in the first place. Ephesains 6:13-20