A letter from January 27th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, i hope you are okay and everything is going well in your life I just wanna check on you and see if you forgot him. i know it's only been 4 months but i hope you succeeded. Present Me is so in love with him you know, but he only sees me as a friend and he's falling for that brunette girl.. he told me he gave up on her because she loves that other guy but i know he can't stop thinking about her, i know that because same with him, i want to give up and stay JUST friends but i literally can't, i can't stop thinking about him all the time, i can't stop imagining how cute we would be together. a part of me wants to tell him, tell him everything about how i feel, but the other part of me is just so scared about how he could react and how awkward it could become between us i know i need to forget him before he breaks my heart (actually that is kinda already done lol) but i don't want to give up on him, he's such a wonderful guy you know and i'm so in love. i can't stand being just friends with him everytime he looks at me, everytime we talk, everytime i see him, everytime he texts me, i can't help but have that stupid smile on my face. he makes me so happy, he makes me laugh even when i really don't feel well, he makes me smile and laugh everytime and i just can't stay sad when i'm around him and i think that is one of the biggest reason why i love him i have never loved someone as much as i do right now. All of my crushes before, they were just physical attraction or these guys were just giving me minimal attention, this wasn't love, and for most of them i barely knew them. But with him...it is so different... i have never felt this way for anyone in my entire life i just really hope you finally gave up because if you didn't you must be really desperate. I hope you at least told him how you felt, because remember, you promised him you will tell him who your crush is before the end of the year, and since you never break your promises and it is june, if you haven't told him yet, you have one month left, so take your ovaries and go tell him ! even if you forgot him, tell him, it will make you feel better and you will have kept your promise. and if you didn't forget him yet, girl, what the hell are you doing ? you can't stay heartbroken and wait for a guy who doesn't want you forever, so just, find another guy, or don't, you don't need any man, you just need yourself (and your best friends ofc) but just FORGET HIM, it's been 9 months now and i know it's hard and it hurts to hear this but you guys are just friends so just go tell him how you feel, it will probably help you to move on, and do so, move on ! if you don't know how to tell him, remember you thought about telling him in a letter, write it, give it to him and see what happens. he is smart and kind, you know he won't make fun of you, i don't think he will even tell his friends if you ask him not to, and i don't think it will even ruin the friendship because you guys are too close for that, so what do you have to lose ? dignity ? because he'll friendzone you ? girl i'm sorry but that is already done since he told you who he liked. at least you will lose feelings because you will finally be sure that there will never be anything more than friendship between you 2 but that is like the whole point of telling him so just go for it, don't be scared, i'm saying it again, take your ovaries and go for it. good luck ! anyways, enough talking about this boy, i also wanted to check on you about a few things like how was the driving school ? can you finally drive correctly and if yes, are you driving with dad ? you should be by now i think is covid less worse that it is right now ? i think we are going into a 3rd lockdown soon... i really hope we aren't because i couldn't stand schools closed, not seeing my friends and staying at mom's for 3 months another time... also good luck for your french exam, it is supposed to be by the end of the month, if it wasn't cancelled because of covid.. i actually hope it will be cancelled because idk for you but for the moment i am not ready at all for it, anyways, speaking of school, i should go back to my learning because i have two big tests tomorrow and i have still not learnt a single thing and it is already almost 5pm... good luck with everything, always remember to love yourself, you are amazing and you don't need anyone (and less than anything, a man !) - YourSelf from january 2021