A letter from January 1st, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Right now, you are still 18, its New Year, 2021 just began and you are scared af. This year you will finish highschool and will or not get into med school. Two big exams are waiting for you. Right now you are sitting in Alin's room, writing this letter in the dark and trying to figure out how tf you ended here. You started your medication in September and its doing great. Im fine. I know you are too. I trust you. But right now Im a little sad, but I trust i wont be feeling like this my whole life. Im currently doing my part and I cant only hope it will pay off. You quit drinking for good. I hope you kept your promise and didnt start again no matter what. If anything, I hope you are not sad because of anything and you will learn something from any experience, like Im doing now. Im not watching anime anymore, sorry. I dont have the time, nor do I enjoy it as much as i used to. I dont read for pleasure that much anymore either. I started shipping Sam and Frodo yesterday tho :))). Great decision. Its true love so I know what im doing. :))) I kinda like watching movies again, which is great. Im currently living with mom, its alright. I haven't spoke with dad ever since I left. Its fine tho. Im not mad or sad or anything. Tbh i dont have time to think about it. I spend a lot of time studying. Im good friends with Alin rn. I started talking woth Andreea and Filip again and I also met some new ppl and girls that are cute :). Being 18 isn't so bad its just sad cause you realize you have reached your childhood goal of growing up and now you dont seem to have much more left. Its kinda lonely and I have a feeling its going to get even lonelier the older I get. But its okay. Ill figure it out :)))) Im not giving up. Thats a promise. Some quotes that i love rn and help me get through it sometimes: "Turns out, life isn't a puzzle that can just be solved one time and it's done. You wake up every day and you solve it again." -The Good Place "Give me the courage to show up and let myself be seen"- Brene Brown "The world is unforgiving enough as it is. The least we could do is find ways to forgive each other and ourselves." -Bojack Horseman "It gets easier. Every day, it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day. That's the hard part. But it does get easier." -Bojack Horseman And now Im going to ask you some things: What do you think we own to each other? As ppl I mean. Cause I think we own more understanding and forgiveness. What do you think you own to yourself? I think I own to us to try my best. I must take a leap of faith in the void of the future and be brave. I need to be brave. I must be brave. And last question: what does freedom mean to you? For me its being able to be true to myself. Im really trying my best and I think the hardest part about life is that it moves on.