A letter from December 10th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, What lessons have I learned so far? The 2020 me has learned a bit of self-love and I have reflected trough out quarantine, and I have learned a little of the world I have learned to take care of myself and not to fall in love with the first person I see I have also learned to not trust everybody. What goals have I achieved? Who helped me on the way? How did I thank them? Goals? Umm, i- I have played some boys who helped me? pftttt nobody cause everybody thinks it's dumb or "funny" I really don't care what they think I do it because I want to. I didn't have any goals ;-; Am I happy? Huh? Happy yea I guess even tho my mom is going to hard times economically I'm "happy" right? I think I really don't know or care I'm not careless okay? What is important to me? Myself my studies and my mom nothing else is, nothing matters at this point. Am I living this life true to MYSELF? No I don't know I don't care WHY STOP ASKING WHY OKAY I’M NOT OKAY, who am I kidding maybe I'm okay maybe it's the environment that makes me sad maybe it's the music I listen but it's all a MAYBE do you care? I wish you could tell me if it's all going to be alright. Am I spending enough time on things that matter? No never have will school studying yea they're fun I guess. Do I take enough care of my health and me? No I don't eat as many proteins that I should be eating I don't have an appetite in the morning I just want to starve but I can't reason my mom. What has happened? In the beginning of January nothing much February nothing much https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/COVID-19_pandemic that happened sad I know I got touched by you know who never thought a person I trusted as A GOD DAM FATHER would do that got a few tears mom said "he only touched you don't make it a big deal" that is what really hurt me. My own mother said that like WHY? What did I do wrong to deserve that but who am I kidding it was a good lesson right? After that in July I graduated my mom quit her job the same day I graduated nice. Kimberly cutted her arms she has problems that I don't know about I don't have any emotion towards that. That is all there is more but i'm to lazyyyy To Future me with Love & respect -Tania De Kort Cano