A letter from October 18th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I don't exactly know how old you are at the moment, but you have to be around 19. Let's say you are 19. People may think that not so much can change for 2 years, but I know a lot has changed. I'm 17 right now and I'm so confused. There are just so many things that are supposed to happen but they are not happening. And I'm so ready to get out of high school and move on with my life but I'm just stuck in the summer between junior and senior year /it's actually fall tho/ and AAAH! Okay, maybe the anxiety of becoming an adult is getting the best of me. But here are a few things I want to say to you. First, I hope you are still a good person. I hope you can still control your emotions and don't let them control you. You've always been kind, calm, shy and reserved person. And everybody knows that. You've always been an introvert. I don't think you've changed. Yayy, you've finally gotten out of high school! Well, at least I think so. Don't tell me you haven't graduated, please! High school was such a boring and horrible time of your life, I just don't know how you are going to survive one more year there. I really, from the bottom of my heart hope that you are in Medical School. This was your dream since you were a child, I hope it has finally come true. You studied a lot, sometimes you wanted to cry and sometimes you cried. That's how stressful it was. But it's worth it. I hope you've been accepted in the university you wanted. But even if you are in one of the other two, it's still an achievement you have to be proud of. I know it was a hard journey and you were doubting yourself all the time. I just want to tell you that I believe in you. You are stronger and smarter than you think. Just, please, don't quit. It would be so devastating to give up on your biggest dream. You deserve the white coat, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to see yourself getting there. And even if you weren't accepted, it's okay. Don't be ashamed of yourself. You did the best you could do. I'm sure you are studying something else related to medicine. And I'm kinda sure that you will try again next year. I mean, why not? Did you get your driving license? I mean, you sure did, but after how many fails? OMG, did you get it after the first try?! I really need reasurrance that I'm a decent driver right now. My exams are in the upcoming week and I'm scared . It's going to be tough. I bet when you think about these days you laugh. AAaa, please, pleaseeee buy an automatic car. It'll save you so much stress. And, again, I remind you that you are smarter and more skilled than you think. Give yourself some credit, girl! Okay, so.. I am dying to know if you've met "the one". You know, this guy you've been dreaming for all you life. As you know, you've been single since you remember. Yep, you've never had a boyfriend. And here we are, at the beginning of senior year.. all alone. I don't know, maybe you have found someone in your last year of high school. I really doubt it. It's like you are haveto be alone forever. But, don't worry. I'm sure you'll find the one. Actually im not that fine but alhamdullah m fighting the pain You couldn't take it anymore so you grabbed a pen and your journal and you wrote something.. wonderful. And touching. And since then you started writing more. You learned that to be a good writer you have to pour all your feelings on the paper in front of you. That way you empty your soul from all the hurt and the negative feelings and you turn them into something beautiful. This letter is getting so long, I really should stop. There are just so many things I want to tell you! But the most important thing is - love yourself. Even when you wake up and see your messy hair and your sleepy face, love yourself. Even if it's one of those days when everything is just not right and your stomach is bloated, love yourself. Even if someone tells you what they don't like about you, love yourself. Don't let people bring you down, you've been through this and it was not fun. Stand up for yourself, don't let anyone treat you the way you shouldn't be treated. Be yourself - laugh at everything, wear whatever you want /mostly jeans and sneakers/ . Just be you. Cause you are beautiful just the way you are. I hope you don't forget your home, now that you are living in a big city. I hope you don't forget your high school and your friends . I hope you don't forget all the pain you've been through and all the tears and all the doubts you had, because these things make you the person you are now. And I'm sure if I see this person right now, I'll be proud. *And just want to give some credit to myself here. This is for you, almost 17 years old confused girl. For learning to read, write and speak English so good, as your second language. *