Dear Me
Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play?
Is it terrifying to grow up?
Do we still think about our bio dad?
Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too.
I'm scared
I'm scared for mom
I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me.
How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...
Sracde. Will nad fo yyveadre im’ a i be rcesad orf nhkit elfi my liehw i. Turns eht ctluayla rmte ngrpsirsee we lnog cteesff lla ahs uto do. Woh rsyor rhe a ouy yuo erve yatehhl itwh vdeli odlwr ’erwe in saw tno gthtouh ’im rwehe and ,rauoar dw’oevlu oelv hot?thgu. Ti trechea nigog litls a ma a od asnopis fro nad i i be elylra to haev. Hntik od tgeont eevw’ raeyll i ert,teb i truly. Adh oyu tbu undof uhgotht wee’v uyo eddeen twah ietm i voel you hte it ’stawn khtin hsit. Ovle atth uyo woh adn oeeplp ohw ouy evgi oudlw ouy two ear dfniesr rof rof olrdw vahe the you. I utb ktelad acedcne crsea,nf eth nad or tqlynreefu isltl laebl ot oyu )s(rta sai,ras atlk imet bermmeer i tasl o’ndt. Yulol’ hmet logniv t’ndo tpos erev i ktinh. Teg otn yifnlal hlothgua dulwo lybrobap xcteep we did noe a ota,tot yuo. Tuqeo i ist’ yuo veol eht ho,uthg meop romf odlwu rcntmfiea knwo a edn whhci. Tlhohagu ddi lislt i you neth levo witer fsuco ermo typreo reve we ot no. It out hspel teg hte egsilfen adb. Otaieapnss illts aubot adn i rtwgiin sslkil oru htiw reh’tye wulod asy vewe’ ompridev shtgin obht ere’w siiggnn nda. Omraj l,ayp nda so i tsi’ ti i cumh ddi ni evdlo a pu our edn now htat. Teoutl eht reathet ekam n’deost olrdw whne nesse na ivseg for us. Wnigrog rysca etlitl is a pu. Nodgi rtetpy od awth ton nede iebevle rnostiniusct to eylarl rfo ’reew ayn ubt kiel to lwle esr’eht di’ uyo. I ish adn onw srtie eb tnikh evre no’dt ’well ni ton ’erew dda tbu cleos twhi eh ywa. Was imttaornp are he merrebme ew resae jtus kdi atht stdeon’ ti to n,aip weer opeelp ilwhe and hwne eth a s’it lalbilfe nrbo. Wesro ’mmos gotnet. I rhe remhaigtn vpmioer aylswa yoru ernve twros wsa idd haethl wonk ttah btu. Eth and droiinvcg ni with jeo rzaa mgnoiv oncaaril notrh ot escsrop of ’sshe. Atmne aliezer yonug uoy ’im too ot tath era dan hte yuo mi’ lnoy how yosrr rwee that rhut elvo eevr you, rysor eoeppl to. Ogulathh i dog,o ear btauo onwk teh iskd aazr only. And mheo uistjn ash evrrceode frmo aog ttha a rmof vdeom few no noe oru eyasr aws arylel. Iwth sesh’ otl uor esy dl)uo bbya fo ’sesh be gniog lltis gwrno z a ubt h’erset gilr (olas hstngi to slyawa. I owkn woh oyu ardesc rwee. Nwko and tmei gto how edseme owh lla eht i drak ngyetivehr dab tghisn. Eplpoe atth tihgsn oknw dcares i uwdol eakm mese rfnyieitrg aevh im’ i ays lilst i but sles. Tianyem eghnca r’eew leiva niggo t’tsah oosn ont to lsilt adn. Eiazler roem ethn pehsl ’mi oyu uodlw i khtin yuo say hrneagi dceibinerl. I fro ,fo nibge ni nawt my ouprd oprud utb a enev of me you eb ot erbremme hree i ot i ouwdl eivl elif be eedend you yaw kinth thta dlowu that. Ni love “eth up o”oc,lhs enrtsew tsbe not od did end i rllaey we eihlw nad lo,cegel ’tsi. Ew hnwe lyaerl aer amignza its’ rea ustff cseebau tmasr argsed obtau we rou reac. Di’ otn i but if erev ma who ’im i sya elik usre ilwl i onkw ot. It i wsa ti it fo nteh me i onass,ip yhpap na eomr uoy tbu ahtt na leodv illst at,pin masek aecesp tond’ caalut ntihk. Ulwod oto inrgwit hatt ayrlle ifel lal calpe ietern amkes os veor teh si eb fo yna yuro ruoy it enses. Mhcu we dna rdtei it udfon uto we nitngkti so aeht. Sa innnyaog hlel ts’i. Oknw ot htru otn woh to ot aherc ’im i erh uyo ti gigon ehra uto hsit oudlw tbu hmcu. Ot us i back inot rhe ayws my to etl tudadsrnen ’im seuefr ni thur lefi ehs lsitl nda grinty. Eth hes swa osptho ockfeabo i daremir on l,yecrnet her otg osmm. Eovl of im’ rysro hes nda taht uoy os ryuo rddevese reh agev erenv ti uchm. Hte orf dema reoht etbs kaeb yd,a a uor kcae yitrdbah nefrsdi i did yaltuacl i. Tnikh oluwd him arode shi yuo anme nad jc i si. Ddi ew iegfndilrr us etg atehs rfo nvree uor tboua het hetard ta,e orve hcwih. A oiscjtneni reeyv fro of we nfdtreife we ,t b)oy! dnki oejyn ewke cwihh od prsi(!esur a od sit’. Cloud i ni shwi i akcb ot ouy etim nad go ktal. Huhrtgo i htsgin romseip taht uyo amed erettb ti get nda. Uoy reuy’o eppole rshechi ruoy emth tath yaryeevd in ot era reteh so ifle lyuck ehav adn. Rent’a but ferctpe eew’r yppha ew. Tog rmoe you ndaimeig r’oyeu i abuesec i e’olcuvd ehnt veer lvoe ehre how ouy. If uoy eerh tdn’di be n’dwulto rgynti epek i. I i atth tbu uoy nkow n’ddti gniigv up etmoseism ew neev nowk tedir os swa oot ,gpnetimt. I nda uecebsa uoy eehr eovl uyo ’im eatdys.
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