A letter from May 18th, 2020

Dear Future self, I'm not exactly sure what you want to hear, I mean your in ICO (carona) so you don't really have much to do but scroll through tiktok. other than that though you started a "dear my future husband" diary. but lets be honest your not ok, and you haven't been for a while now, I hope things have changed for you, I hope your not angry that everyone around you is staring there life and your still waiting. I hope your not crying at 2am on a Monday morning because you hate going to school so much. I hope you have surrounded yourself with people that support you in every decision you make and don't mock you for doing what you love. and I realise that you will never truly be happy with the fact that your not where you want to be, but YOU WILL GET THERE. so many people are proud of you, you need to stop beating yourself up because you feel as though you could be doing so much better than you are, but if thats all you can do for now, its more than enough. your so hard on yourself because you want to do better, you want to prove to people that your the best you that you can be, but honey RN you feel shit about that to because your mum gets it into your head that you think your better than everyone else and you try tell her you don't but you cant without falling apart so you just take it and deal with it. and if your still in love with #1 and your still talking just remember to keep him guessing but also give him hints to connect the dots in other convos. and if your not talking, start, please, IDC what happened between you 2 you need to hold onto this mans forever, you need to find out every little thing about him and love every inch of it because im 99% sure this is your mans!!!!!! p.s write again - love you 2020